I have been reading everybodys stories and decided to I need someone to help me. Three weeks ago I found out my husband of 8 years has been having an affair for 6 months. I am totally devastated. I don't know what to do. Come to find out it's a girl he works with everyday. This girl has only been married for 5 weeks though. Her husband called me because he found our phone number on her cell phone and the pieces all fell in place. My husband has since confessed everything. Of course I thought I needed to know all the details to figure out what really happened but now all those details are haunting me. I can't stop thinking about the two of them together. He says it never got past kissing but they were also telling each other they loved one another. My husband has stopped talking to her and has apologized and told me he made the biggest mistake of his life and wants to try and make things right with me. So far he has done everything I have asked him to do. We started counseling and he has asked her to put in for a transfer at work (since thats what she always wanted before this was found out) but now she doesn't want to transfer. I wonder why. I feel as if she is bitter that my husband decided to choose working on our marriage instead of running off with her(which there was a chance for him to do) so now she is gonna make it as difficult on me and him as possible. I love my husband very much and want to try and forgive him but in the next breath I feel like I should be kicking him out and make him pay for what he did to me. He was supposed to love me and protect me from everything. Instead he hurt me and betrayed me and made me feel the saddest I have ever felt. I have been walking around sad for the past 3 weeks. And I'm tired of being sad. I feel so confused as to what to do and I keep changing my mind daily. I really need to hear from someone who has been here and has gotten through this and lived happily ever after. I need to know if this is possible or if this is just wishful thinking.

marmeg>>I am truly sorry to hear what you are going through...My W and I have been together for 9 yrs and married for over 3yrs. My W told me last Tuesday that she had an A on me for the past 5 months with a co-worker. I was shocked/upset/disappointed/hurt, all of that (I still feel that way) and it's OK. What your H did to you is awful and very selfish. I love my W just like you love your H, regardless of how much they have hurt us, but don't give up...We are going to feel like this for quite some time, but if we truly love them and our WS's truly love us, then we owe it to ourselves to try make work things out...Not only work things out, but to have an even better marriage than we did before!

You are going to feel anger, despair and a plethora of other feelings, but have hope. You're going to feel that it's unfair that he had the A, and yet you're still willing to work things out...It's OK to feel that way, we all have (I still do sometimes).

I have only known about the A for a week now, and it still very fresh in my mind, but I see my W wanting to work on our marriage and I see in her eyes love for me that I have not seen in a VERY long time and that gives me hope and encouragement. Many people on this board will tell you that your lucky your H confessed to the A. I didn't believe it at first...I thought they were just other WS's sticking up for her. I now realize that they were right. Although we found out in different ways (my W volunteered the information to me...I had no clue whatsoever!), your H could have lied about it and kept you in the dark, but he didn't...because he loves you!

Stay strong, have faith and everything will fall into place.

Best of luck to you!!

It does get better. Its hard I found out Friday morning myself. It get better day by day. Don't let bitterness keep a wedge between you.

marmeg,

Not out of it. Not sure if we'll ever be "out of it." I wish the whole thing was like a football game; you play your four quarters and when the final whistle blows, its done; You're recovered. I really don't think it works like that, though.

You have just experienced a massive loss of innocence and trust, and its something that you will probably never forget. I know that I will always remember my wife’s affair. What I hope for, however, is that we can use the experience of the affair to never allow ourselves to slip into the kind of complacency and detachment that we were in when the affair occurred.

I can say this; It’s a long road, and my wife and I are only three months along it, but with a spouse willing to work, it does get better.

I understand not wanting to be sad. I'll be having a good day, when an image from what she has told me will pop up, and that's it; game over. Good day shot to heck. That's getting better though, and most of the time now I can ward off the demons before they roost. Still, If I allow myself to dwell on them, I can sink pretty fast. I am a detail person as well, and needed to know everything she could remember. At first, this was extremely difficult to deal with, but after learning, processing and filing, the power of the images seems to fade a little…

You mention that the OW has now changed her mind on a transfer... What are the possibilities of your husband seeking one, if she won't? Everything I have read says no contact with OP is essential, and I believe it. Wasn't an issue for me, but I had found our during or right after the affair, it would have been a huge issue. (I found our four years after.)

And as for "happily ever after;" I do believe its possible, but not without a lot of honesty, introspection, communication, commiseration, compassion and hard work.

Love is a tremendous power we give others over ourselves. The love we have for another can change our minds, make us accept unacceptable situations, generate feelings we never knew we were capable of, and bring us unbelievable joy. Your husband has betrayed the love you have for him in the worst way possible. If you still love him, and he is remorseful and willing to work on your marriage together with you, than I believe anything is possible. Good luck, and if you so choose, keep us updated....

Jake