Just to let everyone know that session one of counseling started this afternoon!

I can't wait until next Monday where we go into deeper conversation.

She said the same things all of you smart people mentioned. She mentioned that Randy needs to recognize my pain that he put me through. I hope this is a new beginning. But today I am feeling a bit hopeful.

We made reservations for our 7 year wedding anniversary that is next month for an elegant dinner cruise that we had done several times and always had great memories with and an over night stay on the Mag mile.(Michigan Ave) I am praying to God that he will fall in love with me all over again. But I know that cannot happen in one night!I know Redhat! Got your message! I am just dreaming! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I keep thinking this is a marriage that is made out for his convenience! That is why I keep thinking about if divorce is the right thing for us! I know I am jumping all around! But my feelings are still so strong for him and when you have the emotions of the A., it is really hard to put things into prespective!

I also have a question that is a bit intimate! But I need help on this issue! When Randy and I are intimate, I feel that I am not connected to him anymore. Randy was the only one I have ever felt connected with. Now he feels like the boyfriends before him. It feels like "just sex".
I know it is almost an obvious question but have any of you felt this way?? HELP! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Ali

Ali,

Enjoy the evening of your Anniversary,

Regarding the Intimate question - yep, I know what you mean. At one point in our M, I was irritated if he touched me.

Whooooooooo hoo! I'm so glad for you and Randy! You just hang in there girl.
Still praying and wishing for the VERY BEST for you both.
Harold

I forgot to add, I'm over the being irritated when he touches me. But then again, he has started to remember, I have needs too. The Wham Bam thank you mam was not cutting it. (And somedays we did not get to the "thank you mam")

It just feels like a body! no emotion to go with it! just numb! It just doesn't feel right!
I wouldn't care if it was a quicky if it had some feeling with it! The first time we "did it" it felt right, connected! Even though it was a bit ackward because you never touch that side of the person before but I was so in love with him that it just was right. I knew I was going to marry him!
Damn him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Ali

sue how can they go about it with out thinking of the person they're doing? gee's they should go to the bathroom and meet mr. righty or mr. lefty! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

To me the quickies was saying I'm a peice of meat on a hook. I did not like that.

However, emotions for the other person, does highten the experience. At first it felt the same way. During those times, I wanted the quickies. Over time, it got better.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Ali88:
<strong>sue how can they go about it with out thinking of the person they're doing? gee's they should go to the bathroom and meet mr. righty or mr. lefty! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Worst option, finding SW (street walker) or OW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> .... Just remember, men think with the stuff between their legs and women think with the stuff between their ears. Most men are doing it for physical release and women are doing it for intimacy.

I am happy that your conselor is not clueeless <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . She will straighten Randy out.

-rh-

Hi Ali88

I don't know your whole story,You have responded on my post,thought I would come over here and check you out.I thought I would read about your session not sex but since you brought it up.........

For me at first it did not bother me I was to consumed with proving I was better than her and that ment in bed also.
Now.........everything has calmed down,the pain has set in and the reality of what he did has hit me strong and hard.26 yrs of marraiage and this is what I get that is how I feel,every time he touches me I feel like I am being compared to someone. never had to worry about that before.It has made it very hard for me to "get in the mood" I have this vision of him with her and it ruins everything.My H wants to take a vacation just us two,I know we need that but I am not ready yet.

Good for you I hope your trip goes well.

"how can they go about it with out thinking of the person they're doing?"

As a sex addict, I can tell you I AM thinking about one person, ME!

Sex is its own reward for many guys, (and some women). If there is an emotional connection, that's icing on the cake, but if not, what the heck, it still is gratifying.

I guess for people like me the trick is grounding ourselves emotionally and spiritually so that we don't just view sex as a physical thing. This is really difficult for me, and maybe other guys too. Some days I just feel like pitching it all and living like Hugh Hefner, but then ..... I don't know, some voice in my head starts screaming, and it all feels sorta creepy.

On the other hand ...... I could have sex with a "female-like" robot, and probably enjoy it.

Ali~
I was numb for 13 years. It started 6 weeks after we married (his first affair), and continued for the duration of the marriage. In fact, by the time we divorced (3 more affairs later), his very existance made my skin crawl. I TRULY and HONESTLY believed that I would be happy if I never felt the touch of another man, as long as I lived.

I was SO wrong. My x and I have been divorced for 13 years, I've been remarried for 12. I have experienced the most exciting, passionate and connected lovemaking, imaginable. Sometimes (and I do mean sometimes, I think it is impossible to get over infidelity and there comes a time when you have earned the right to be done with your marriage.

Please, Ali...if this numbness doesn't go away soon~GET OUT. After 13 years of numbness, I didn't even recognize myself because I'd become empty inside. I was not a good mother during that time, though I tried and I did do my very best and my children seem none the worse for wear...but, they were gypped out of not one parent (their father), they were also gypped out of their mother. I was so tightly wound, just trying to keep myself emotionally afloat, that I never had the time to enjoy my children while they were young. THAT is the one thing, I will never forgive.

I've been following your story, though this is the first time I've responded to you. Ali~I think you deserve so much more. If your h can't get it together SOON, you are doing yourself no favors by continuing down this road.

BTM

Gingersnap,

You are so lucky that your H. wants to go on a vacation and make things right! I am wishing that Randy would act that way to me. I just am hoping he wants to make it right again. But I am still waiting!

Thanks for the reply Doofus. I hate to call you that when I don't know you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> But from what information Randy has given to me, the affair wasn't an addiction although we haven't had a intimate relationship for a while due to the weight that I had gained from pregnancy. He found me to be a bit of a turn off! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> But I am back to my old self again. He claimed it was some one that paid attention to him! Funny, I paid a lot of attention and what did I get???? A huge heart ache!

Been There,
I keep having arguments with myself over that same fact! I told Randy I don't want to be in a marriage if the my H. doesn't love me! It is not fair for both of us! I toy with this decison every night when the heart ache of those nasty little triggers come on to me! My mind acts like a tennis match!
Right now I am begging him to make it right! I am not seeing that happen! He will tell me that he loves me but it is that numb feeling. Or just words and no action!
I feel that because of the numbness and the heart ache, I am loosing time with my kids too! We are all in therapy! Which I have to leave in a few to go to.
My Parents have the kids this weekend and I am not making any plans. I want him to make plans. I am going to post when I have more time. My mind is scattering because I am feeling a bit rushed right now!
Will write back tonight! All of you too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Ali

By the way you all,
for those who have been following Randy's and my thread, One year ago Randy started his position in Texas! So today is a bit agonizing!
later!
Ali

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Ali88:
<strong> One year ago Randy started his position in Texas! So today is a bit agonizing!
Ali</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[Ali}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm sorry for this. I hope you made it thru today OK. We're all hoping, praying and rooting for you!
Peace to you, Ali
Harold

B-U-M-P!!! Hope things are going better for you and RandyR!
May God Bless!
Harold

bump! bang bang bang!! Anybody heard from Ali or RandyR? Hope y'all are doing OK - please check back in and let us know you're OK..
Harold