Hi all, I was wondering if you could share signs, etc. that could be due to infidelity.

I am not 100% sure if my husband is betraying me or has but it is just something I have been feeling for a while.

Suddenly, after 15 months of marriage, he told me he did not want to marry me and talking about things from our past seems a problem for him. It is like he does not want to share anything deep with me anymore. Although he constantly shows me love and affection as well as there does not seem to be a problem in the bedroom. He also reassures me every day that he loves me YET I feel that something is missing!

We have been married 20 months now and still are intimate almost every night - so you can understand why I am so confused. All these mixed signals!!!! How can someone be in an A if they are still been intimate with someone else???

Please share anything regarding signs, etc. etc. with me.

Thanks
Jem24

Jem,
That is a hard one, 'cause like no two people are the same ( we are all soooo intricate) no two marriages are the same. AND THEN the kicker, no two "infidelities" are the same.
Lotsa help, Huh?
Could it simply be that the "honeymoon" is over and "reality" has hit your H? The "hum-drum" (really it is comfortable and predictable)everyday existance of marriage is not something that everyone is prepared for. Lotsa people think that it is just like in fairy tales and in the movies. Happily ever after (everyday, every moment) and fireworks and lovey-dovey eyes(everyday, every moment). While you may always love your spouse, you may not always "be in love with" your spouse. The infatuation and excitement of dating and the "honey-moon" are not always there. It takes work. Lotsa people do not understand that marriage takes work. they honestly believe that a good marriage just happens.
Jem, I am by no means down playing your suspisions or feelings. I am just trying to help you see the situation form another perspective.
Be supportive, be patient, be strong, be loving. Avoid the Love Busters at all costs.
Keep reading this site, there is lots to offer.
Lots of love,
2nd

Hi Jem:
In case you need these, here are some signs to look for:

Unexplained charges to credit cards, or cash withdrawals.

Unexplained absences or late home from work.

Abnormal time spent on computer in email or chatsites when he should be doing other things he normally does, such as going to bed with you.

I'm sure others will add more signs. Hope you don't find any.
DB

Here is a link from a previous thread on signs of affair. Remember, this does not mean your spouse is having an affair.
Good Luck.
2bm

50 signs your spouse may be having an affair.

The previous post has an invalid URL...
...try this link!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jim/NSR

How can someone be in an A if they are still been intimate with someone else???

My husband had an affair for 7.5 years. He explained it to me that he had TWO lives. They were completely seperate. Because he was so selfish and only thought of his own needs it was easy for him to lead the other life. We were intimate for the first 5 years then he said I wasn't physically attractive enough. He said masterbation was enough for him. THAT is a HUGH sign of an A yet I didn't realize it. Even the MC didnt tell me it was a sign. Go with your feelings. Mine were right but I didn't trust them.
HB26

Actually, we were on a trip with the OW and her husband who were our closest friends. We were going somewhere and walking to the car. Her H and I were in the car waiting. I glanced out and my H had his arm around her, which he NEVER does as he's very unaffectionate. So I jokingly told him that night that I thought he had a crush on her. I told him it was not big deal, that he had good taste as I loved her too.

I had NO idea where that whole thing would lead. He ended up telling her what I said about a month later and less than a week after that they had sex for the first time.

That night he also told me that
he never loved me
he married me because he felt sorry for me
her family background was much more similar to his upbringing, etc.

If your H is having an affair, he will say some very weird things. It goes with the territory. Everything I've read says that your instincts are usually accurate as far as if they are cheating. I hope you are wrong. Good luck and keep posting

I say go with your instincts. If it isn't an affair then it is some other problem. I believed my H when he said they were just friends. I should have had more faith in myself and less in him, it would have saved us all a lot of heartache.