I'm no expert,this is just an opinion! Love,what is it or what does it mean? I feel that we as people need to express the feeling of being wanted,desired,cared for,treated as important to the extent of adoration,respect,even to be exclusive. In the vows,love,honor,obey,or as I deem it respect. Love is the need to be loved. We can love if we dare as that we trust it will return to us. For many reasons-not to be too lenghty here we test,try,even chance the relationship for its reward, aknoledgement of being loved,wanted. I think for some,we thind were in love because we need to be loved,putting up with many painful and horrible things and words that we would advise others to get away from,divorce, even to the point of a restraining order. Finally, love is what you put into it,work for or make an effort to happen. Whats your decision?

I'm choosing love, how about you?<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

I'm with you FHL.<P>You've made some great points 3 Wishes! <P>And you know what else? Sometimes it's hard. So hard. But the rewards are worth the work.<P>Lori

LOVE IS; patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but protects with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perserveres.<P>Love never fails.<P><BR>Thats Gods definition of love, 1Corinthians13:4<P>I have been convinced love is an action. When I act in this way I can feel love for the person recieving it.<P>Craving, Compulsion, wanting to Control, and damn the Consequences, is not love.<P>Just my thoughts,<BR>I love you guys,<P>Bill <P>"commit to the Lord what ever you do, and your plans will succeed" Proverbs16:3<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

To the top...<P>Read this you guys... comment on it... I'm still a bit confused by it and want your input too!!<P>In case you don't know, 3wishes is my H (where, oh where is the confused face icon that I so desperately need?)<P>

3wishes -- I think that you hit on many good points, but I am confused, too. Are you saying that you have been a victim of the things we would advise others to divorce on?<P>You are right, true love requires effort and also dedication. True love doesn't come from a one-way relationship. Both people have to work on it...I choose love also...

3wishes -- I think I tend to agree with some of the things you have said here, but like Sheryl and Heartpain, I too am confused.<P>Are you telling us what you are feeling or are you looking for something? Come back and talk to us.<P>By the way, my offer is still open to you . . .<P>God Bless

Up to the top one last time...<P>This is the man who just today gave me a birthday card signed <P>"Hope this year is better" David<P>No "love, David" or "Love, David" or anything else that even resembles that I still have a husband who cares, or even a husband, now that I think of it. <P>All this talk of love means what? Someone please, please, please explain this to me.<P>

Love is about giving, about caring, about seeing the best in everyone and especially in that one that we may say is "my beloved one". Love is not about being loved or about being adored, it is about accepting the other person as a whole, with all his/her virtues and all his/her defects. And yet, love is not always associated with sex. One love his children unconditionally and one should love his friends without expectations; with that "special person", like the spouse, one should love without expectations too, but, we negociate, we bargain ("she is not giving me _______, I should not give _______", "what is she trying to get?", etc).<P>Like Bill, Erich Fromm in his book "The Art of Love" or "The Art of Loving" or something like that (can't remember the exact name) defines Love as a voluntary decision and a voluntary action that involves knowledge (can't really love someone who I don't know) and a decision to love (I may like somebody very much, even be infatuated with her but if she is married- sorry!, is a nun or has any other condition that in "my book" tells me that I shouldn't love her, then I can decide Not to).<P>It's like we here, after all the LB's that brought our marriages to its current level, we have DECIDED to keep working on our relationship with our spouses. And again, it is about action.<P>Alex<BR><P>------------------<BR>Live and learn

<A HREF="http://www1.gospelcom.net/rbc/ds/q0714/q0714.html" TARGET=_blank>What is Real Love?</A>

My H says that he will look at this later, maybe tonight. <P>We got into another argument this morning because he told me that whether he loves me is <B>up to me</B>, which is what he was trying to say when he wrote: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>we're in love because we need to be loved,putting up with many painful and horrible things and words that we would advise others to get away from,divorce, even to the point of a restraining order.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I am trying so hard to understand him, and I admit I am at a loss. Does anyone understand what he has written here? Can someone enlighten me? I'm sure most would say to ask him, and I have. He speaks as he writes and I just don't understand it. <P>I am so far beyond frustration.

Sheryl -- I wish I could help, but that phrase is exactly the one I wanted David to explain....Who is the one that he feels is on the receiving end of the abuse? You or him??? Hopefully he can explain this tonight. Let him know I really hope to hear from him.....<P>--DeWayne--

Sheryl, GASP!!! I didn't know 3 wishes was your H, I just thought he was someone else on the board. I think he's trying to say something to you from deep within him, something he really doesn't know how to say but wants you to know this, Love is such a hard word to say sometimes, it can scare people, it can thrill people, it can mean a commitement, it can mean many things to many people! Don't jump to conclusions, take it one step at a time. God Bless~<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P>

Sheryl,<BR>I think he is searching for true love is. I remember when I was at that phase shortly after her first affair. I was studying the Bible extensively because I didn't want to do anything stupid. I prayed hard after I met her because I didn't want to do anything stupid because I had decided that I would not marry after being dumped by my ex-girlfriend.<P>He needs to express it in terms that are meaningful to you more than anything else. I found my answer as I got closer to God. The link above shows how I truly feel. I know that I look like a fool and a martyr to my family and friends because I keep wanting to please her no matter the cost. I feel this way because God has shown it ot me. It is what needs to be done. If everyone had this approach to life then we wouldn't need this forum nor would we have to lock our doors because everyone would be looking out for each other.<P>The in love thing is mostly emotion and will have a tendency to wane as time goes on. I am still searching for what that feels like again. I had it when I was a child. I have never experienced it as an adult. I see love as a decision to put one person, God's gift, as the most important person in your life. It doesn't feel to me. It is something I know. It transcends understanding and feeling. It exists because God exists. Besides God is love. I guess that is why I don't feel the in love thing. God transcends all understanding.<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by professorg (edited December 20, 1999).]

What a depressing, cynical (and inaccurate) definition of love. Love isn't the "need to be loved." That's circular reasoning. How do you define "being loved" if you can't define "love?"<P>Love is far too complicated to just put down in a glib definition. It has different components for different people. It means something different to everyone.<P>I'll tell you what it means to me:<P>It means knowing that there is someone out there whom I can't wait to see at the end of the day.<P>It means having a deep commitment to building a life with someone who shares my goals, my dreams, and my ambitions.<P>It means having a person with whom I can share EVERYTHING.<P>It means accepting her shortcomings and helping her overcome them, not using them as an excuse for my own selfish desires.<P>It means acknowledging my own shortcomings, and knowing that she accepts them too.<P>It means wanting to have 20 kids with her because I know what a wonderful mother she'll be.<P>It means doing all those little things I hate to do (like laundry or trash duty) because I know that it will make her happy not to have to do them.<P>It means sacrificing some of my free time to do things SHE wants to do, because marriage, after all, is a partnership.<P>It means telling her the hard truths and the bad news because she has a right to know, and because we share the good times AND the bad times.<P>It means sticking it out after the ultimate betrayal, because I knew the woman I married was in there somewhere.<P>It means learning to forgive her mistakes because she's forgiven mine.<P>It means realizing that I won't ALWAYS be happy with EVERYTHING all the time, but that I know she's the one constant in my life.<P>-----<P>In short, love means something deeper than attraction, infatuation or lust. It means emotional, physical, spiritual, mental and intellectual togetherness. It's so much deeper than words can convey. And it certainly isn't a depressing internal reaction to our desire to be "loved." True love is something special. I just think it's less common than most of us would like to believe.<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<p>[This message has been edited by Lone Star (edited December 20, 1999).]

Lone Star,<BR>Well said. I think the best way to say it is GOD IS LOVE. There is no higher form of it. I agree with you wholeheartedly. <P>Now that I think about it, the in love thing is probably lust because lust is definitely on the fleshy side and causes the butterflies to float in the stomach. Just a thought.<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

Love is an action, not a feeling. Of course, it is much easier to "love" if you have the feeling. Anybody can do that. However, a truly loving person can act in a loving way even towards those they don't have loving feelings towards, and may even despise. <P>Love is not an endless state of receiving care. I too am a little confused by your post. It sounds like you are waiting for your wife to give you all these things before you decide to act loving towards her (?). If you want to receive love, you need to give love.<P>And in the end<BR>the love you take<BR>is equal to the love you make...

Good, I'm not going insane, well maybe a little <P>David, explain please!! I honestly and truly want to know what you expect from me, from this relationship, and mostly, what you think the word (and the emotion, for that matter)"love" truly means... because I don't understand from this post...<P>~Sher<P>------------------<BR>Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans.<P>~John Lennon<p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited December 20, 1999).]

For me one of the greatest things about MB is that I can express my feelings with total anonymity and freedom, I found that especially helpful when I first came here. My posts are becoming more scarce since W & I started talking, and with all due respect, David & Sheryl, I think YOU should talk these things over without us as witnesses (but later tell us what happened anyway). If there are issues that you still feel shy about talking put them in writing- just like if you were about to post here, but instead of posting, read each other the "post"; this will help you to re-learn (or learn for the first time) to talk to each other. You two love one another, it shows, and you are very close to walk yet another important step in your relationship. Go for it all the way!!<P>Alex<BR><P>------------------<BR>Live and learn

Hello everyone and thank you for responding, I apologize for the confusion to any that were unsure of my intent. Those who offered a well meaning insight to thier feeling or beliefs on love as I should have put it"How do decribe love". Again sorry for the trouble. Do I love my wife,Yes,absolutly. What I was trying to convey is that I think somepeople need to be loved and will put up with abuse just because that person said or did-maybe loved them before,they give love or act on love as you may prefer in hopes to recieve it back. If Im wrong then I must be the only one who thinks this way as I have been told! I say love is a feeling,an action,and thought. True love. Well maybe only God can and I think does give us a good description on this and thank you this alex for adding this in. I will say that love does or should not hate and I feel I have been very hated for a long time now and there seems to be no end. I think,be kind and you will have gained a friend. You know the rest,the opposite,ok. Love-by feeling,the heart races. By mind-you consider them and please them.By spirit-you share. Two or more only make it better,so feel free to add anything I may have missed. Thank You and may God bless and love each one. David