I'd rather be on EN's complaining about my h and our problems and trying to figure out what to do next to save our m. We've been separated for 3 months now and we had been seeing alot of each other over the last month, even after I saw her at his house, I tried to believe that she was JAF (just a friend), he knew I was upset that she was there w/ the children. The following weekend she was back again. Maybe not for long...I don't know. Then she displayed a picture of my h, announcing "this is my new man" Needless to say, its a small world and I found out about it. I called her and tried to be polite in asking her what was going on, because although my h said she was JAF, he could be lying and I know that she will want me to know the truth. She did and said they had been together for 6 months - she was aware of our relationship and how much time he had been spending with me but she didn't care. And that I should talk to him. Basically, he still says that she is not his woman. this was a week ago I have not talked to or seen either one of them since. He says she's not, but he is not caring or looking after me at all. MY h has turned on me and I so don't want to be here for support. I would rather think of ways to win this fight even when everything points in the losing direction for me. I would rather curl up in a corner and die but I can't so here I am.

MYB,

I am very soory to hear where you are, and I don't know how I missed your post before....

So am I understanding this situation correctly? Your husband is the one who is having the affair, and you are seperated with you having moved out; You have children, and that are living with your husband; Your husband has been lying about the extent of the relationship; The OW is spending time at your house with your kids...

This sounds like a very tough situation to me. I wouldn't even know where to start...

All I can say is read what you can here, and take what you can use. I have no advice for you that would mean a darned thing, but I am sending good thoughts your way.

Jake.

MYB:

The first thing ... take a deep breath. Then begin reading material on this site. If you are serious about wanting to "win", the next step is to order Surviving An Affair (SSA); you can do so from this Web Site.

There. In the preceding paragraph, it was established for what it was: an affair. No need to mince words. Whether or not there has been any physical activity with JAF (Just a Fool, perhaps?) is immaterial. An emotional affair (EA) takes as much energy and is just as destructive as a physical affair (PA).

The content on this site and several books that will be referred to you are about one thing: attempting to salvage your marriage, and the strategy on how to do so, and within this forum, the support you need to continue on in a very chaotic situation. You need to learn about emotional needs ... yours and his; you need to learn about Plan A and Plan B.

If that is not your intent, proceed immediately to Plan D (divorce) and contact an attorney. For, to be honest, salvaging a marriage and the emotional rollercoaster you will be on is much harder. The paradox is, however, that the end result is a much, much healthier and more stable marriage. Only you can make the determination if it is worth it in your current circumstance.

Anyway, that being said, below are some links to get you started:
Welcome for All New Builders
Plan A, Doormats and Love Busters
Carol and the 180
The Marriage Bed

Hope these help you get started, as well as the support and good advice from the members here. In addition to SSA, two other must-have books (IMHO): His Needs, Her Needs and Divorce Busters. SSA and HNHN can be ordered from this site; Divorce Busters can be ordered from Amazon or Barnes and Noble.

Godspeed,
STL

<small>[ July 26, 2003, 03:15 PM: Message edited by: SeenTheLight ]</small>

H wants D, we where already Separated, when I found out about other woman.