I have been married for 14 years. We just the past six months got online. My husband and I would take turns in the same chat room. Then I went in the hospital to have surgery and was gone 5 days. When he wasnt at the hospital he was home online. I did'nt see this as a problem. We dont have a lot of money and don't go out much.Then as time went on he was always plugged into chat. There came a time when i went by the computer and glanced at the page and he told me it was private. That rang bells for me. So I began investigating. Last week I checked his message archives and found a conversation with a woman from the chat room. He don't even talk to me like that! i printed it and gave it to him . He couldnot deny it.We had a long discussion and he told me that she asked him to talk to her like that because she was lonely. Her husband had just died she said. He says it meant nothing to him.He felt sorry for her and wanted to help make her feel better.We have had many discussions since last week and he tells me he loves me and has been more loving towards me. I had told him I was feeling unloved and his ditance was hurting. He thought I was happy with things the way they are. I love my husband and don't want to lose him.I am having a problem beliveing him. I have emailed the woman and asked her to talk to me but get no response. He has greatly cut down his time in chat and spending time with me. So I can belive he wants to stay with me. I just need to know that this has not gone on any farther.I am tempted to check the archives again but have not.Will I ever get the truth.

Affairs, whether emotional (Emotional Affairs) or physical, have teh same recovery process. Click on the link in my signature line for more information. "Not Just Friends", by Shirley Glass is also a good resource, especially for emotional affairs.

PP

My husband met the woman he had an affair with online.She lived in another state.After a few months of chatting he flew to her state and met her in person.

Do not think that just because it is someone online that nothing can happen.
I thought something was up because when I would enter the room he would make the screen go down.I never investigated my feelings.I wish that I had.

Do not feel like you are being snoopy or untrusting if you want to check up on what he is doing on the computer.I wish I had maybe it would not have gone so far.
It starts with a friendship and then they want more.

If you feel something is going on go with your gut feelings.
Like john said an emotional affair can be just as hard on you as a physical affair.
It is the emotinal attachment they make that is so hard for them to give up.

Keep posting so we know what is going on.
Good luck to you.

Your husband has fallen into the same quicksand that entrapped me and led to my As. Yank the plug, and do it now. Install monitoring software (see: Starr which works very well, we use it on ALL of our computers here).

You have every right to do so; so don't let him wiggle out of it by claiming privacy. In a marriage there is no privacy, per se: it is in the realm of secrecy that affairs can happen; the MB principle of radical honesty is about providing that totally open and safe environment to make sure that EVERYTHING in the marriage sees the light of day.

If he is concerned about the woman's needs, the ONLY safe option in that environment would have been for him to say: Get a dog, lady.

Online EAs are every bit as pernicious and devastating as PAs. So, he must be willing to stop all contact.

Now, for both of you ... You both have a need for recreational pursuits. Find one, find two. Take long walks, plant a garden and maintain it together ... whatever, but do some form of recreational activity together. Do not use the Internet for recreation ... you have just touched on the pitfalls that await out there.

Get and read with your husband, His Needs Her Needs and Surviving an Affair. You can order them on this Web site.

You have nipped this in the bud early enough that although the foundation may be shaken, the house still stands. So start working to strengthen it.

Godspeed to you both,
STL

Your husband’s reaction of throwing anger and accusations of mistrust at your prove only one thing… he is guilty as charged. Those are the reactions of a person who is caught in a corner and does not know how to get out of it.

If I were you I’d install keystroke tracking software on your computer. My H (SeenTheLight) gave you the link to the one we use on our computers. When you install it, run it in stealth mode. You will have to purchase it since the free version does not include stealth mode. It will capture all chats and every word he types on the computer into logs that you can check later. It will also capture it when he types in the passwords to email accounts… if he has any secret ones it could be useful.

Your husband’s relationship with this woman is totally inappropriate even if they are only ‘friends’ as it takes time and energy away from your marriage. If he will not give it up then it is at the very least an emotional affair. Before you do much more though you do need to know what is really going on. Just because she told you that the inappropriate relationship was over you have no idea if she was lying. She probably was.. they all say that.