Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at
mbrestored@gmail.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 39
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 39 |
I've been married 21 years this June, I try to be there for my wife. I hope to folllow the guide line that I read so far. Yesterday I confronted my wife with my fears. Yes she had an affair 5 years ago with her boss who was also having an affair for several years in the same office. She broke it off after 6 mos (while this creep is sleeping with other women)... but now she has been back with him for last 8 mos. She tell's me she wants to end it for me and my two childern 17 & 19.
My question is when will I stop crying and when will the pain go away. I have loved my wife AND have been faithful our whole 25 year relationship. I can't stop crying. She's says tmrw she'll end it. I trust her but it still hurts. I don't know what to do. Please help me. - Guy
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,206
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,206 |
You have come to the right place. This awful pain of betrayal is truly the worst and you have people on this board who totally relate to your feelings.
My advice now is - start reading and get counselling. Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley and After the Affair by Janis A. Spring are two musts in my book. Your wife should read them too.
The recovery process takes time. You will cry a lot - you will get angry - you will get sad- everything under the sun. Just ensure you are taking steps to protect YOU - to rebuild for YOU. The pain will fade - but over time - lots of time. I still have moments and I'm into year three of recovery.
I must run now - I'm sure many more wonderful folks will reply to you soon!!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 627
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 627 |
guy,
and what about the problem of her continuale cheating? two affairs do not consitute a simple error in judgement...a little lapse in morality...your W obviously feels that she has a license to do anything she pleases.
if you want the pain to go away then maybe what you need to do is confront the root problem that causes her to act as she does. and NO! i'm not saying that any of this is your fault.
what i am saying is that you can't simply accept her apology and go on as if nothing has happend. you simply have to get to the bottom of this and this may not be a pleasing prospect or exercise to either you or your W.
coach
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,166
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,166 |
Recovery takes time (think in terms of many months - maybe two years), but you must use that time wisely. Click on the link in my signature line for what to do.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 133
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 133 |
Dear Guy Im so sorry that you are going through this pain. I really believe that if your wife wants this to end , she would have not started it up again after such a long period of time. I too have recently found out that my husband had a one night stand. My heart is breaking. I can't think of anything else. I too cry non stop. Talk to your wife , ask her if she trully wants your marriage to work. I have posted twice before here, with no response . I feel so alone. I will put you in my prayers, May god give you the strength you need. Hurtin
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,508
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,508 |
My prayers are with you to. I know the pain your are going through.
She should quit or transfer her job if she is serious about rebuilding. If you haven't read His Needs, Her Needs. Do so. I've ordered Surviving an Affair and hope it explains what My W and I are going through.
Good Luck
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
725
guests, and
68
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,624
Posts2,323,518
Members72,026
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
|
|
