H and I haven’t talked for 10 days, since I made that phone call to OW. H lives w/ MIL and immed. After talking to me OW called and informed H and MIL, I drove over to see h and he talked to me but he was very upset and just kept insisting that that wasn’t his girlfriend. In the end MIL asked me not to come or call anymore, btw that is where my C do visitation with h. Needless to say, they can no longer visit there. So I don’t know what we’re going to do about that.

In effort to comply and do opposite of what everyone thought I was going to do. I opened up a separate account for the C and sent H a letter with all the account information so that he could deposit there child support payment right there, any time he went to do a transaction. Payment should have been made Friday it was not. So I sent an additional letter basically saying that I haven’t received payment and I trust that he will pay on Sunday, but if I didn’t receive it “on or before Sunday July 27, 2003; I, on the morning of Monday July 28, 2003 will be in the office of Child Support Enforcement to enlist their assistance in getting you to make your payment. This is not a threat. I am sending this letter off today so that you are fully disclosed and have the last clear chance to avoid intervention from any outside agency. Thank you, in advance for your attention to this matter. I believe that our ability to communicate peacefully and effectively, regarding the children will be in their best interest.”
This was a 1 page professional letter. I don’t know what H is thinking, but I still love him, I’m not doing plan A or B, I am just trying to respect his boundaries. H has not attempted to contact me or the C in 10 days. He has not made his deposit. I know that he went to the bank on Friday and took well over the amount he needs for C. he was standing right there all he had to do was make the deposit and he didn’t. I don’t understand why. I know I didn’t say call me if you need to, but I gave every indication in the last letter that he would have to be the one to prevent intervention. I am bitter, and I am trying not to throw any blows at him, because even though I hate what he’s done, I have to try and not let those crazy in love emotions control my actions, I need to rebuild the relationship w/ h as a father for the C.

He really seemed not to want to have any contact with me, I am so proud of myself. I am so respecting his boundaries, probably more than he ever thought I would or could. OW can not say that I’ve called her, MIL can not say that I’ve called. I’ve been on my own territory. He was hand delivering CS payments. I even went out of my way to open account so he wouldn’t have to do that. Anyway, I guess I’m proud of me. But it’s Monday, morning. And I guess it was a threat, because I haven’t been to anybody’s office but my own. Actually, I had planned to give him until Wed. to deposit or contact. I know that all of my loved ones would love to see me attack h anyway I can. Because that would give them the impression that I’m ok. But I’m not ok. I want to get at him too. I want to hurt him for hurting me. It is totally in my nature to attack. But I feel like I have 18 years my children are still babies, he’ll be there father forever, chances are OW will not be forever. And I will wait – not putting my life on hold. But trying to rebuild instead of sabotage anything that we have left, even if it’s just joint parenting. Sorry this is so long. But, what do I do. Today is his first day back to work since vacation so I believe H expects me to call him today, because it’s the first time he’s been at a phone where I can get to him. I want to call and say hello do you expect to pay. But I don’t want to talk to him at all. I have a small feeling that if I don’t call today, he’ll call me in a couple of days. But, that may not be true. Maybe I shouldn’t call him until wed. Than he would lose, because I know he is expecting me to call today. He haves to be. I don’t know if that’s why he’s withholding payment. Doubt it. Or should I just go to the office and let the outside intervention step in. I really don’t want to do this to him. But this is court ordered and I have every right. Please help. Thank you guys so much for reading and advising.

It's court ordered...go to intervention. Then have it set up so that CS is directly taken from his paycheck before he is paid. It protects both you and him.

Do NOT call! This is a time when you need to remove yourself as much as possible from being dragged through the emotional rollercoaster which contact will bring. Let him wonder what is going through your mind for a change. Do NOT give him emotional ammo in which to wound you. JMHO

I have done such a fine job of staying away. All contact in writing and professional. Now I just have a long way to go. Just talked to sitter and found out he called and tried to speak to children. when he calls back she is going to tell him that he needs to get permission from me to call there and speak to children. I'm not going to give it, because it should have never started and she has other children. She can't monitor them on phone.

Twohalfs...I do NOT know your storyline so I hesitate to say too much when I know almost nothing....HOWEVER...be careful about not allowing him contact with his children. You do not want to make it harder for him to keep his parental bond with them...you want to make it as easy as possible. Remember...they still need a father in their lives...even if he is acting like an @$$hole at the moment...if he is. It is their need you want to consider...not his and not yours. jmho