I don't even know what to think anymore. My H is currently living at his folks. He told me he put a bid on a condo. This scares me. Does this mean that he is distancing himself more from me and the kids. He also said that I need to get a job to pay for groceries and misc.<BR>Let me update you. It has been 2 1/2 months since this whole affair thing started. He had a affair with O/W for about 2 months, before I confronted him.<BR>He is on prozac now, and is not seeing O/W but still talks to her on the phone because it "calms him down," I want to puk!<BR>There has been some good signs though. He could have gone on a business trip a couple of weeks ago for a week and she was going to be there too (they work at same place) and he choose not to go. He is talkin to her less. Told me the physical act with her does not seem real anymore to him.<BR>He wants to have a place of his own while we try to work this out. He started therapy (finally) 2 weeks ago, his therapist told him that he is in no shape to make decisions now. I will be honest our credit is in need of repair because of illness and job changes. He said they check your credit for a apartment and he can get a loan for a condo because of the high interest rate. We do own our home and me and the kids live in it.<BR>Am I not reading the signs? He puts a bid on a condo, he gets braces, he shaves off mustache, he is angry at me one day and the next we have GREAT sex, then the next will not talk to me hardly.<BR>My therapist said we are not acting like seperated people. He has to start missing me and I am making it too easy on him. But I am trying to plan A him to death.<BR>Is it time for no contact? I do not know. Can I hang on for a couple of months to see if his therapy helps and the prozac kicks in. But in the mean time he tries to buy a condo.<BR>Right now everything is MY fault. Our credit report, my controlling, that I have not worked to stay at home with the kids, that I have not contributed to our marriage finacially, that he needs a life.<BR>I can say now, that I have been sick with anemia for over a year. So my extra money I earned has been diminished because of that. But for his career he has had to travel, work late, ect and he never once had to worry about who is feeding the kids, driving them to activities, ect.<BR>If he needs a life, he lost it to work because that is all that he has done for the last 2 years.<BR>Is it time to move on or plan B.<BR>How is it that I can have a great day then he calls and ruins it for me. I do not know how much more of his verbal abuse I can take. We had great sex twice this week and now he thinks I want him back for the sex. He told me he is avoiding me so he does not have to be rude to me because I am flirting with him. Good greif.<BR>So now is it No sex, No talkin to him, No anything to do with him awhile? But the BIG question is CAN I do it.<BR>I love this guy, I want him home, the kids miss him, I believe in marriage....but come on how does one stay strong when they act like [censored] holes.<BR>I know this is long and I do not know if anyone out there has the answers. But like us all we could write 100 pages here and it would say everything we want to say and everything that has gone on. I call my SIL everyday and it is always something NEW to report between my H and I. It is like a soap opera, and what is sad it is my life.<BR>Any encouragement will help! Thanks!

my3kids,<P>I read your post...<BR>unfortunately I have to get ready for church.<P>Short answer... at least wait until the holidays are over before Plan B....<P>Continue Plan A though them...<BR>It's what the baby Jesus would want...<P>Meds do take time to kick in (about a month)...<P>I too used to "report" to ILs... that will evetually slow down... take some of <B>that</B> time... and lavish it with love on your H... unconditionlly... <BR>This is hard... but I think will pay off... in the long run.<P>I'll have more to say about Plan B later on tonight...<P>Prayers for you....<P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

My3kids,<P>Do it!!! Get a job, plan on daycare and let H pay for 1/2 of it, that is what the courts make them do. <P>Follow his instructions... you know the old saying "be careful what you ask for" well I think that will definately apply here.<P>Since he is not seeing the OW, I think you should stop w/ so much plan A. If he is getting everything from you w/out coming home, then why should he? Yes, I think there comes a time when you lock up the front door and let them be on thier own for awhile. Give them what they want, and then most times they find that it wasn't wha they wanted afterall.<P>I don't think I'd worry about the condo to much, it probally won't go through. Just pray for God to interfene and that His will be done.<P>But I would snip away at that safety net a little.<P>Genie

Only you can know when the time is right. Remember, Plan B is to protect you from losing your love for him.<P>If his waffling has gotten to the point that you can't deal with it, then definitely step back. <P>But remember, be ready. You can't go back and forth. They're the ones who get to do the waffling right now!!! <P>You just hang in there. My h goes from sweet to horrible to wanting to come home to wanting a divorce constantly!! It comes with the ride.<P>But, in the meantime, Genie makes a VERY good point! Take care of yourself. Work if you need to, do nice things for you and if you're not ready for B, then still be nice if he contacts you but DON'T go out of your way to contact him or sleep with him anymore.<P>Maybe he does need to miss you some. And even if you're not in Plan B, you can still be in Plan A and show him you can be perfectly fine without him.<P>Good luck.<P>Lori

Thanks Jim and everyone for replying. I need some advice and some support. I feel I have drained my SIL dry with all my crying, needynes ect.<BR>I am taking the kids out of town today to my niece'S graduation party. It will be good to get away.<BR>I do not know if I am strong enough to do plan B yet. But I am strong enough to let him do the contacting and not me. I have reached out and have my hand bitten off enough. He is slowly losing me. I do not want to see that happen. But a person can only take so much.<BR>I still do love him, but not this man he is now. He is nervous, self centered, self involved, hateful, worried about himself, he thinks he is a co dependent. But then i see glimses of the man I married and I am hopeful.<BR>Please pray that the condo thing does not go through!<BR>thanks Guys, you are great!