Hello All,
This is my first post. Here's my story. Married 20 years, no children. Husband 50, I'm 51. Both professional. My Dday was December, 2002. Affair with two women (at the same time!) revealed. My husband works in a school system, one woman was the mom of one of the students and the other was a co-worker. Husband has alot of baggage from bad childhood (not that that's any excuse) as well as a classic MLC. The "mom" affair ended in December but the co-worker affair continued until April, 2003. My husband and I are trying or best to work through this thing. I have read "Surviving an Affair" and realized I was already doing my own version of Plan A. What I have learned is the need to avoid angry outbursts, demands, etc.
Even though I was/am shattered by the A(s) I am 100% committed to recovering my marriage. My husband gives every indication of feeling the same. The problem is that he is absolutely torn up over the guilt. The ow (co-worker one) left her husband, thinking my H would leave me (which he did not.) To further complicate it she moved to our town and continues to call and leave voice mails for my H. He/we had thought that if we just let her ramble on she would eventually just give up when calls were not returned. This is not so. I listened to her last message this morning. It was all about the past they shared, her love for him, how she will stand by him, wait for him. This continued contact, even thoughit is one-sided, is impacting our attempts at recovery. The messages throw my husband into depression over the lies he told and the lives he feels he has wrecked. Last month, when school ended, and she did not see my H "on the job" anymore, she came to our house, parked in front, and called, leaving a message on our phone that she was there so he could make good on all the promises he made, etc. We ignored her. Did not pickup the phone nor answered the door. All was quite for a while, but now the calls have begun again. The same tone as just before her last "appearance" on our doorstep. I think that once it again becomes clear that my H will not respond that she will once again try a confrontational tactic. At this point I feel that she's obsessed. I don't feel we can go on with this between us, no matter how one-sided it is at this point. Advice anyone??????????
