What if the emails that he's been getting from her isn't enough of proof. I didn't have time to copy them or forward them to me. If I get a chance I'm going to forward them to me. I did get her email address. I thought about sending her some email. I want to know if she knows he has a family. I don't know. I'm just so angry with H because he just don't want to admit it. I need more. I need more than what I got! I need some answers. I need the trueth or could it be I'm looking to hear what I want to hear not what I need to know! I need some kind of help!

What are you going to do with the proof? Will it help you deal with it, or will it help you throw it in his face. Be prepared for the consequences.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't know the truth. And chances are you won't find out from him. Even if you show him the email, he's going to lie again.

You need to hold back from saying anything. You need to think about what will happen when you present him with proof. What if he says you're right, and he wants to leave? Are you ready for that? What if he says your right, and he wants to stay, are you ready for that?
What if he says you're wrong and he continues.

Proof is good, as long as you have a long term plan.

I would agree that having a plan is important. But keeping what you know inside will drive you crazy. When it happened to me, I couldn't keep it inside even for 5 minutes. I confronted my husband and his response was anger that I had snooped into his email. Now a year later we are considering trying to work things out and get back together.

How you approach him is clearly affected by the fact that you have children and whether you are financially able to support yourself if he says, "Yes, I love someone else" and walks out the door.

As for contacting thr OW, other than to vent I don't think it will help you much. It's not like she doesn't already know that she is with a married man. I doubt a message from you will suddenly make her feel bad about it and break up with him. Clearly your feelings are not something she concerns herself with or she wouldn't be with him in the first place.

My husband had gotten the OW pregnant. The night I found out I told him to pack his bags and get out. Now a year latter he is regretting his actions and I am trying to decide just how much forgiveness I have inside me.

Be strong for your children. When they find out (and kids always do), they will also feel betrayed and unloved.

There are many spy software programs that you can purchase. I would invest in them and get the information that you need to expose the A to the light. My FWH had many EA's online and telphone for over a year! It was living hell! You have to expose it to the light so that the FOG can lift and you can begin to heal. Read up about Plan A and all that you can here.

Good luck!

Yes on the spy programs!! That is how i caught my wife. Get one that captures keystrokes, Chats and emails such as Spector. You will either be relieved or very supprised.

I may not be a good candidate to give this advice but be careful what you wish for....I did not confront my wife right away and installed some spyware software on her PC so I could be victorious and 'catch her in the act'....well let me tell you that when you do seeing the evidence with your own eyes is more devistating than anything you can imagine. Not only that, but at least if you catch someone in the act it's over. I have to look at log files every day and re-read them looking for more....what???.....I dont even know.

jp i know what your going thru, my husband says it will never happen again also..im on my 3rd week of finding out he was having an affair for over 2yrs with his co-worker..i know your pain..it made me sick even.had to go the doctor and everything..i dont know if you have kids but please think of them..it also will help you thru this...i know what you mean about losing your pride..i feel like the biggest fool in the world, all the anger and the how could he..i have found though to my surprise, the more i knew details about the affair, and the more my questions were answered - no matter how ugly..it made it easier for me..no more wondering