I got his cell phone bill (directly from the company, this time) and analyzed the calls. Of course her number is not on there, but there are alot of incoming calls that do not make sense. Am I over reacting? <P>He gets calls just after he leaves the office and remember they work together. 2-8 minutes long, not too bad!!! <P>He got home late one friday night almost 7pm. Once he got in he quickly said I will go get us chicken. So he left and out of concern I marked my calander. Sure enough he go a call at 7:42pm, that night. Took him almost one hour to get chicken. (His excuse is that they had to cook some more breasts) Who knew he would even be in his vehicle at that time and he talked to someone for 8 minutes!!! Am I over reacting? <P>He made a phone call to his office at 7:42am when he should have been there at 7AM. Why did he call his office if he should have been there. Am I overreacting? <P>I CANNOT FIND THE DETAILED PORTION OF HIS PHONE BILL, I checked everywhere possibe. (Remember this month I got the bill from the co.) Dug through every piece of trash in the garbage. NO detailed bill. If it was nothing it should have been right on top with the other trashed mail for that day. NO!! Am I overreacting? <P>His EA was caught in June, it has now been 6 months, and I still feel like I did before I found out. He said that I am making a bigger deal out of this than it was. WHAT DO YALL THINK. ???? <P>Why can't I find the bill? Why doesn't he leave it out for me to see if he is not doing anything wrong, because I have told him that would help me believe him. <P>I am so sick of this, not feeling he has let it go. Why won't he just tell me he doesn't want me and go? Why do I feel he is still at it? Am I just making this up? I am getting so ANGRY with this thing?<P>Please write me some of your feelings. Its the holidays and I have my married and older son home from out of town for 2 weeks. I want to rant and question but that is not doing any good. Counselor suggest to lay back til after the holidays and give him an ultimatium.<P>God this is so Hard.<P>Thanks for listening<BR>

Dear Overcomer<P>I'm sorry to say it sounds like he is still much involved. Trust your own feelings, they are probably right. Have you been doing Plan A? Read all the information Dr. Harley has it really helps. <P>I agree, take it easy and let it go for the holidays, then decide calmly what to do. Be careful not to make any rash decisions. Read all the material, think about what is appropriate for you and make a plan.<P>God Bless

I think it sounds like he is talking to her. That is how I found out about my H affair. Of course it was just phone calls, nothing physical. LOL. Mine too was calling his work number when he should have been there. He swears he doesn't remember doing that. Now he tells me that she would leave him msgs. there so that it wouldn't show up on bills. Then he could just call work and find out where to meet her. We are going through the big D now, so more truth has come out. He likes to hurt me as much as possible. Before when I asked these questions I was just being parinoid and "mental". Now I know that your gut instinct is pretty good and that if it is telling you something you better listen. Good luck to you. Maybe he will wisen up and realize what a big and painful mistake he is making. Nancy

Overcomer,<P>I am so sorry. I think your gut feeling is right and he is covering up something. I hope you can get to the bottom of this with him and have him be honest, totally honest with you. Take care!

Hurtin in Tx. Mental Raskal<P>Thank you for your words. I guess it is just good to hear I am not over reaacting to what I see. I wish it would all go away. Some say stop going in circles and looking and just let it surface in time. But how can I remain calm LOVING and rebuild when I am so doubtful and hurt for what I THINK is still going on??? This is such a crazy place to be. <P> Yes as the word say Slow to Speak, Slow to Anger, Quick to Listen. I keep saying this to myself. Slow to anger means i can get angry just not too much lolololo.<BR>Thanks for your words. God Bless you all and I pray for Gods peace in all of your lives as well.<BR>Overcomer

OC,<P>I hate to say it but I think that he is still in contact. This is exactly how I found out that my W was still in contact with OM. I noticed the incoming calls. She even cancelled her detailed billing before we went on our vacation to Florida. Mind you we were back together and I thought we were making progress. Well...little did she know that eventhough she had no detailed billing for local calls, roaming charges did show up on the bill. Guess what? She call him from Florida and I found it!!<P>But don't give up...we are happier now than ever before...we have made it but it did take time for her to come out of the "fantasy"....<P>Keep pluggin' away and it will work out for your marriage!!!<BR>

Do you really want to find out for yourself? Or wait until one of them decides to confess or you manage to catch them at it?<P>If you want to find out, call up the cell phone company, tell them that you're his wife and that you didn't receive the detailed portion of the bill with the rest of the bill this month. Tell them that you feel that the charges are inexplicably high and that you want to check the details to see if there has been some sort of error before you pay them. Ask them to fax it to you if possible or mail it directly to you ASAP. This is one way to check for yourself to make sure - sneaky, yes, but then your H is behaving the same way...<P>I think your H is definitely in contact with the OW & that the affair is still ongoing. Otherwise why would he call his office at 7:42 am when he should have already been there for quite a while? I know that every once in a while we can be late because of traffic or some other minor holdup, but 45 min?!? You might want to check if he called in sick that day, or came in for only a half-day. You can call up his work when you know he's not there, and ask them if he requires a doctor's note for that day. Or you could pretend to be OW's medical insurance plan and ask for documentation of her absence that day... <P>Yeah, I know it's sneaky, but you have a right to know what's going on in your marriage! After all, if your H is sleeping with somebody else, remember that you have now slept with everybody that the OW has ever slept with...! If he's not faithful to you, he may actually be endangering your life by having unprotected sex with OW, who may or may not have some dangerous, contagious disease! You may want to think about that before you back away from the matter and accept your H's denials and lies...<P>It does <I>not</I>take over an hour to get chicken, unless you go somewhere where they start out with <I>live</I>chickens. Don't fall into a state of denial. He obviously lied to you, and you should be indignant at this exceptionally stupid and obvious lie that he's told you. I personally would confront your H, especially on this lie about the night he went out to get chicken. I had the pleasure once of hearing (possibly) the stupidest lie ever told: "I was late because I was giving several people a ride home from the party last night..." I would have laughed if the situation hadn't been so serious: at the time, XH owned a Fiero, which only seats TWO!!! LOL <P>You are <I>not</I> over-reacting. You are observant and intelligent, and you can't help but notice what's going on in the world around you. Don't let anybody tell you that you're at fault for what you're feeling and for what you're noticing - you're not. It's up to you whether or not you want to confirm your observations or deny what your mind & heart are telling you and slip into a state of (un)comfortable denial.<P>------------------<BR>~~ Elixir ~~<P>

Your concern is most likely true. Sounds like he is talking to her agian. I believe that honesty nowis important. If you are in Plan A, talk to your husband about this, without lovebusting. Let him know you have worries about him and continued contact with OW, that you have done some chacking and can confirm it(if you can). Tell him you love him and the continued contact with the OW is creating obstacles in your marriage recovery. Tell him you are there to help him with the withdrawl but that you both must be honest with each other. When he feels like contacting her, he must talk to you about it. If he is not far enough along in his recovery to do that, then you must be prepared for that. <P>------------------<BR>Susan<P><BR>

Broken:<BR>It is good to hear that there can be a positive outcome from this situation. I feel sometimes that I don't have much love left, as if the repeated lies and the new doubts that I have puts me at the end of my line. Besides the counselor is helping me to realize that I have been mentally, verbally and emotionally abused by him, apparently for years. I just thought that is how men!!! act. Thanks for giving me some hope. <P>Elixir:<BR>Thanks for your words. Yes I did go to the cell phone co. and got a copy of his phone bill. I even asked her to check the OW cell phone number and see if her cell phone number has his beeper, his cell and my home phone number listed on it. The cell phone representative said NO calls were made to our numbers from her cell phone number. So I'm not sure anymore. She could be calling his cell phone from their work number when he leaves and from her home number. Neither of these numbers are detectable,(For her or for him)Who knows.???? <P>Sue:<BR>Thanks for your response. I am so afraid to question him because WE WILL WAR if I Question. He will get balastic if he knows I did get a copy of his bill etc..... OR ask him where he put his detailed phone pages. So I just have to wait for something to surface, I guess<P>I do know he is not RIGHT, He is not trying to make this thing really work, in my opinion. He cannot give me that "everything will be ok, baby" feeling. He use to make me feel all would be ok before this thing. But now he does not or will not make me feel all will be ok. He has said he does not know if he wants this marriage,and doesn't know how to make it work or if he wants to make it work, back in Sept15th. So I am in some kinda of limbo. God Help me its as if I am marking time til the 1st,Y2K is up and then I don't know what he will do.<BR>Thanks for ya'll words, it only confirms I am not crazy and I just have to wait, I suppose. I don't know what else to do. Give him enough rope and he will hang himself I guess. Sad to say but I don't know what else to do.