I've come across an electronic discussion between my wife and one of her friends. She has been seeing a guy behind my back. We've been married scince June of 02... There is a statement there that said "...it's not about sex it's that we like to spend time together..." I've confronted her about this affair and asked point blank if she had sex with him. She told me all they did was talk. But still, I'm thinking there was more going on than just that. She's got some mental health issues and refuses to deal with those. Mean while our marrage suffers. I'm so close to just saying forget it and heading on my own direction, but I want to atleast try. I'm going to try to get an appointment with a marriage counselor and see if I can't get her to tell me what has happened to out relationship. Anyone have anything that they can suggest? I open to anything.

"She has been seeing a guy behind my back. We've been married scince June of 02... There is a statement there that said "...it's not about sex it's that we like to spend time together..."

If she was not having sex with this OM than she would not have made this statement to her friend.
It is more likely that she is lying to you than to her friend.

Hello:

I am sorry for your pain. What a shame to have this happened and you have been married just a little over a year. I am afraid that Tomaz is right on target. There would be absolutely no reason for her to tell her friend that it was not
about sex but we like to spend time together. Why bring up the sex part if there was never any sex?
It sounds like she is justifying to her friend that she is having sex with this guy but saying it is not just sex but that they enjoy each other's company. I found it hard to read it any other way.
I think you are wise to suggest counseling. She must have NO Contact with this person immediately and show true remorse. The fact that she hangs out with another man and probably engaging in sex with him after a year in marriage is very sad.

The bottom line is that marriage counseling is a must and No contact is essential. I would also insist that the both of you get checked. If she is unwilling to do these things that I would suggest contacting an attorney and see about a possible annulment. I wish you luck.

thanks to those that have replied so far. I feel the same way you have described. I don't think that she is being honest with me, and I don't trust her at all. This is a horrible way to have a marrage, but that's how it is now. I'm hoping that counseling will help, but at the same time I'm scared that the damage has been done. I'm having a really tough time with dealing right now. I don't have friends that I can confide in so here I am. How long should I give couseling? I mean it could go on for years perhaps, and I for one can't see a relationship as healty if you are going to a counselor every week or so. Maybe I'm just being selfish.. but....

Counseling will only work if there is No Contact with this OM. If you are convinced that she is lying that ask her to take a polygraph test. You can look it up in the phone book. I have had 3 friends do this. Each time right before they were to go for the test the cheating spouse confessed.
The bottom line is no contact, true remorse, and a committment to the marriage. She must not be hanging out with other men to get her needs fulfilled.
If it turns out that she did have sex with this guy (which seems likely) would you truly be able to forgive her? Why did she marry you and what were her expectations? It sounds like she is very young and maybe too immature to be married. Am I wrong here? I wish you luck.