Hello everyone,

I am new to this forum but I need some solid truthful opinions??

I have had a gut feeling for some time now that my husband of 10 years has been with another woman and I know who she is. She is a co-worker of his in his office.

What made me originally become suspicious is my first husband cheated on me so I have trouble trusting men, and recently my current husband took this other woman for a test drive when he bought his new convertible a few months ago. Yes he told me that he took her for a ride in it, but I told him I thought that was innappropriate behavior for a married man, he didn't agree. And that was when I started becoming suspicious.

The last few times he had to go on a business trip to new york for the day, she went too. As a matter of fact last week he had to go to new york and there was another woman who was supposed to go with them, but she missed their train and had to get the next one, so they rode in together alone, took the cab ride together alone. Then on his way home he called me from my cell phone and told me where he was and he was heading home in a totally different direction than he usually goes. He could go that route but it sounded more like he was coming in the direction of dropping her off home first, when I asked him if he had to give her a ride home he exploded at me. I was a wreck that whole day.

I have talked to him about my concerns about her and he has insisted that there is nothing going on and that they are just friends, he said he doesn't find her the least bit attractive.

I am having a hard time believing that. I know the gut feeling thing oh so well and the gut never lies. But could I be paranoid because it happened to me before??

We have always had an honest open communication with one another, or so I thought, and he does tell me everything even things that may hurt me, but I just can't shake this uneasiness.

I need to know even if it means my marriage being over, I can and will survive without him if I have to, I did it before, I just can't live like this anymore. If he is faithful this is unfair to him, but if he isn't this is unfair to me.

It will be very hard for me to catch him because he works in a huge company and isn't always at his desk, he sometimes has to go from building to building during work for meetings etc. I am afraid that during the times I can't contact him he is out with her. There was one time in particular he went into work for a meeting at 7:30am which I found extremely strange being that his office doesn't arrive until 9:00am on normal days, so I got in my truck and went to see if his car was parked in it's usual spot, guess what? it wasn't there, when I confronted him about it he said he parked it in the other parking lot across the street closer to his building because noone was there. I still don't believe him..

I have 2 children with this man and a stay at home mother/college student. I am not in a situation to leave our marriage and I love him, but the not knowing is killing me. I even went as far as talking to a private investigator but I can't afford the fee and I would never be able to come up with that kind of money without my SO finding out.

If anyone can give me some pointers it would greatly be appreciated.. Thanks

Yes, trust your gut.

His reactions are enough to tell you your gut is right. It doesn't mean you have to get a divorce. This a forum on building your marriage and a lot of people can help you if that is the route you want to take.

You wanted to know how you could get proof. Besides hiring a detective, you could get a voice activated recorder from Office Depot or somewhere like that and place it under the seat of his car w/velcro. Just make sure he isn't the type that always gives his car a thorough cleaning!

Does he use a cell phone? You mentioned he used yours. If he has his own cell phone, start looking at the bills. If there is numerous calls to one number, probably her.

Other than that, you'll just have to ask him. He'll deny or maybe he won't. But if he lashes out at you, chances are he's in an affair. I know if my H flat out asked me if I was in an A, that I would laugh my butt off first and then ask him, sincerely, why he thought this and what could we do alleviate these thoughts of his. You probably won't get that though.

It was inappropriate for him to take the co-worker on a ride in his new car. But a LOT of guys do that.

If you really feel like you are being paranoid, I would do a little more checking and then confront. Does he e-mail people a lot from home? You could check those too. If you don't have access to his e-mail, you can buy spyware.

I hope your wrong, but I am afraid you have the right to feel what you are feeling right now. Let's hope we are both wrong.