I'm currently in my 8th month of pregnancy with my first child. During most of this pregnancy, my husband and I haven't been intimate sexually, mostly due to morning sickness, my emotional ups & downs, and now just not feeling good about my appearance. Lately, my husband has been very mean to me- calling me "big," telling me that "I don't look special," and that I'm not handling my "wifely duties." To add to all of this, I'm currently working full time having to deal with the stresses of my work. Lately, all we seem to do is argue with one another- he refuses to listen to anything I have to say and ignores me. He states that if I give him sex then all these problems will disappear. Last night, we had a huge blow up because he told me "I didn't look good" in the t-shirt I was wearing, when I pressed the comment further...he really hurt my feelings by telling me that I looked like sh***t in the t-shirt, and I should be wearing sexier clothing. When I cry- he states I need to take depression drugs.Lately, he's stated that we need to separate...I'm afraid that our relationship is heading for divorce because he stated because we haven't been sexually active lately, that he can't take it anymore and needs a release. As result, I haven't been sleeping, all I seem to do is cry, and I feel alone. I want this marriage to work because I do love my husband, but the recent hurts are blocking me from being closer to him, and causes alot of isolation when we are at home. I'm scared and need help on what to do.

This is probably not what you want to hear, but your hubby is crying out to you for sexual attention and you need to satisfy it or he will look elsewhere. And you need to put aside how you are feeling just for a minute and think about how he's feeling.

I've been pregnant. With a good pregnancy and a bad one. Both times, I went to extremes to make sure H didn't want for anything sexual. It wasn't exactly what I wanted, but a relationship takes two people to make it work, and I hate to say it but you're not helping to make it work.

MY H always told me that looks aren't what makes people sexy. Sexy is an attitude. I'm almost sure your H was referring to your "poor me" attitude when he said you don't look good.

Honey, TRY. TRY. TRY. Put all the thoughts of what he said out of your mind. Be the bigger person and TRY to make love to him. Try to satisfy him. He's being a good husband by TELLING you what he needs. He could be a bad husband and go looking elsewhere.

If you want to keep him, give him something to stay for.

ohh.. I don't have any advice about your marriage, but I just wanted to let you know someone was here for you. You have to remember to take care of yourself and the baby right now. You two are the most important at this point. Please try to be calm.. Do you have family or friends around to help you right now or to talk to ? I am so sorry this is happening to you.

Lanny,

I'm sorry but how can you get in the mood w/someone who tells you you look like crap all the time? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Ebony74,

NOOOOO, you're the pregnant one. If your H just has to have it while you are all big and miserable, then he should draw you a bath and help you to relax and fill you with "love" and then try to have sex. GEEZ! What a jerk!

Print out the emotional needs stuff from this web site and see if you can get your H to do these with you...

Lanny's wrong, just because you aren't giving it to your H while you are pregnant is NO EXCUSE for him to talk to you like that OR to have an affair!

You are carrying his child and I'm sorry but some of us do get depressed and are not in the mood when we are pregnant. I've had 4 pregnancies. The first one was great and I still wanted to have sex. The second one I was sick and ended up miscarrying at the first of the 2nd trimester. The third one I wanted sex all the time but H DIDN'T GIVE IT TO ME! He was scared that I would miscarry again -- did I b**ch and moan and go get my needs met elsewhere, NO! I knew the miscarriage traumatized him and I wasn't going to push the issue -- it's only 9 mos -- GEEZ! The 4th pregnancy, I had absolutely NO DESIRE to have sex at all!

Anyway, see if you can get him to go over EN's with you and see if that helps!

Actually, my feeling is that everyone's rigt, here. Ebony, your husband is hurting you with his honesty. But at least he's -being- honest!

So: There are two things to be done here. First off, hear what he's saying. He's crying out to have one of his biggest needs fulfilled. So, be the big person (after all, you -are- the big one right now! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) and try to fulfill that need of his.

AND: Tell him that you're having a hard time with his hurtful words. Tell him you appreciate his honesty, and tell him that you'll do your darndest to meet his needs. And PROVE it. LOTS. But ALSO tell him that the way he's speaking to you hurts. Ask him for some specifics that would make him feel better. And ask him to be gentle in how he tells you.

AND: Don't expect either of you to be perfect right now! This is a hugely stressful time. You BOTH may be dealing with some depression and fear about how your life is about to change. Take it one step at a time! You're not behind, there's no rush, and there's no reason to panic. Remember, breathing feels good every single day, if you just pay attention to it. Everything else follows from there.

[ [QUOTE] When I cry- he states I need to take depression drugs

I don't know exactly what your situation is. Are you depressed? Do you have a history of depression? Your husband may have the right idea, all be it for the wrong reasons.

I too an 7 1/2 months pregnant with problems with my husband. I recently found out he was having an affair. I have had problems with depression in the past. The death of my 16 year old brother 7 years ago was very difficult for me. I denied there was a problem for a long time. Finaly I sought help and took antidepressants. The drugs and a good therapist helped me come to terms with issues in my life. I quit taking the drugs.

On my last appointment with my OB I told him about my husbands affair and the difficulty I was having dealing with it. He sugested I consider antidepressants. I told him I would think about it and let him know at my next appointment. Apparently there are some drugs you can take while pregnant. When I see him next week I am going to ask for the medication. My doctor is very concerned with my health. The baby is fine. It seams that baby's have a way of taking what they need. You are the one whoose health will suffer.

Also it is possible that your depression, if indeed you are depressed, is nothing more than a chemical imbalance caused by the pregnancy. the medication will help that. One other thing to consider is that if you are already depressed prior to having the baby the depression will get worse after the baby is born. This is my second child and the postpardum depression was awful the first time. Talk to your doctor. Be honest with him as to what is going on in your life. He will look after not only your health but the health of your unborn child. Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers.

Give your husband BJ's or Hand Jobs. And lots of touching and kissing during those acts. Give those to him every day. Then start telling him to compliment you more and that his words are hurting you when he insults your looks. He is frustrated and taking it out on you. Start by giving him a great Hand Job tonight! Sort of like extending the olive branch of peace. Then see what happens if he gets some kind of sex every day. He will be a happy man and should treat you better.