My w finally admitted, after confronting her numerous times, to having a "close friend". We had drifted apart for many months and were sleeping in different rooms. I know I was not paying enough attention to her. She and her friend worked out at the gym together for a long time. She went after work and does not come home until 8PM most nights, while I am with our 8 year old daughter. After she admitted her affair we struggled very much, she said she was not sure of staying together. After a month I finally told her that all contact had to stop or we were finished as a marriage. She deciced to give it a try. She said she would stop all contact and supposedly has, my problem is I keep finding various things from her friend--pictures, cards-birthday, valentine & christmas. Finding these things have made me crazy and I asked her to please get rid of them. I asked her to send back all photos she has of him, but she refuses-doesn't want to hurt his feelings!!! Am I being unreasonable in asking her to send back the pictures? Also, I recently had a birthday and recieved nothing from her. A month earlier was her birthday and I gave her some nice things-what a fool I was as I later found a card from her friend discussing there intention of going to the beach together on her birthday!! She claims he cold not get off work. That same day we had a trip for our daughters sporting event to go to. She had said she had to work and would drive up later (arived 8PM that night) I am really confused and have alot of pain withresentment. She claims there has been no contact for 1 month now but I continue to find various things from him at home and at her office. Am I being played for a fool??? Do you agree that all picture need to be returned to him with her writing on the envelope?>

Yes, she needs to return the stuff - or just burn it - but not yet. First she needs to send him a "No Contact" letter, as outlined in "Surviving an Affair". Second, she need to get through withdrawal, 'cause I don't believe she is there yet. As for his feelings - what about your feelings? Did she ever take any vows to care for hm? To quote Yoda: "There is no 'Try. There is only 'Do', or 'Do not'."

There is a path to recovery, but it does not sound like you are on it yet. Click on the link in my signature line below for more info. But, my primary recommendation is to get, and read TOGETHER: "Surviving an Affair" by Harley.

I agree, there is no recovery until there is no contact with the OM. It sounds to me too like contact is continuing. You can confront her with the facts as you find them and ask for honesty.

Have you read about Plan A? Have you looked into what has made the A so attractive to your S that she would risk throwing away her M?

You can not force her to give up on the OM (oh how I wish we could, there would be a whole lot less people on here if we could). You can ask, you can let them know how much it hurts. You can begin depositing love units in her love bank...be sweet and fulfilling her wishes, whatever they are, her emotional needs. Make her want to stay home. Begin changing your M, with you changing first. She may start coming around...if she doesn't...after a time...you switch to Plan B. It worked for me