Hi billibob, sorry i have not got back to you in awhile. Im so glad to hear that the object you found was a mistake, Like ginger said don't beat yourself up over reacting the way you did. God knows i do it every single day it seems like. You see we have been hurt so bad that we jump to conclusions, but not because we want to , but because we are on our guard. It seems that when we finally make it up the hill, something brings us right back down. Billy,, I think when our spouses say they never stopped loving us, it is the truth,, and believe me that is really hard for me to admit.. For me anyway my husband got caught up in a fantasy world were he didn't stop to think of the reality. Now he is living a living hell with me, because of the hurt he has caused. I do not want to live like this either. I also ask god to get me through the next day, hour, week . Im lucky in a way like some have said her at mb. My husband had a one night stand but it does not make it any easier on me. Oh and mr, you need to eat, take care of yourself because at this point no one else is going to. Do a little something for yourself weather it is buy a new shirt, or pair of pants do it.. Shopping these days is my therapy. You know before this happened I would not buy myself anything new at all, it was always for my children, but I have found that it makes me feel better to a certain extent. Do it for yourself , go out to your favorite restraunt and indulge.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> lol. Have you two talked about counseling? Ginger nice to see ya lol,,, pretty soon we are going to have to call our friend billibob billibones. I hope you two have a great weekend and together we can try to get through this I hope... God bless both of you,,, your friend Hurtin

Hurtin
I think I like that name billibones LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

What do you think billibob.
Im tired going to go talk to you later

Hi Ginger I just thought I would drop in and say hello,, seems we lost our friend billibones, and humble and one of the other gals that used to post at my thread Hmm I hope they all are doing ok,, How are you today Ginger,, I didn't see you around today,, Well hope to see you and any of the others real soon.. Things are a bit better here. I still wish hubby would visit the site, but oh well what can you do..Hurtin

Hey Hurtin I am still here,had to work today and then do grocery shopping and earands so it was a long day.I start vacation a week off of work!!!Yeepee <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Do you think they will survive w/out me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
I am going to go visit my kids for the weekend so I probably won't be around for a few days but don't get worried I am to hooked on this site to totally disapear <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Hope to catch up w/you Hurtin.
Talk to you soon.

Hi Ginger Im glad you are going to visit your children have a great time,,, Everything is good here ,, Im sorry i have not got back to you via email just things have been busy ,, Take care and hope to hear from you soon,, I miss you already,,, take care,, your friend Hurtin

hi hurtin and gingersnap, billibones here, Im still around, working, and catching up on all the things around the house, that I couldn't do, while I was bed riden, dont get much spare time to get on the computer, been thinking alot, about just giving up, its so hard knowing what she did, losing my faith,don't know if I can continue being married to her,I'm sure you two know the feeling,the thoughts just won't quit, Its affecting my work, my life, just don't know how to go on,well hope you two are ok gotta go wash the minivan, and get dinner going just thought I'd stop in, and let you know I'm still around ,billibones

Billibones,,, nice to hear from you,, Ginger is out of town this weekend. I know how hard it is to forget believe me... I do know that im the only one that seems to hurt when i bring it up , so Im trying not to , Hey come make dinner for me and my family lol,, I hope your eating some of that dinner your making, Did you ever read the book on dr phil,, relationship rescue?? Im not sure if it was you that was going to our not, I hope you have a good week. Take care and thanks for keeping in touch. Hurtin

Billibob and Hurtin
Im back <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Billibob,you have come this far what has changed to make you think you can go no further?
You have every reason to leave if that is how you feel but me I hate to see a marriage break up.Can you tell us a little more of what is going on that is making this so difficult right now.
I am sorry and I know your pain.I hurt more now it seems than before.I think alot of it has to do with thinking to myself last year at this time he was doing this and that.I know I need to stop but it is hard.But the bottom line for me is I still love him.I hate him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> but I love him.Does that make sense?

And may I say again,does she know how very lucky she is you wash the car and make dinner?????
Are you sure you are real <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hey Hurtin hope to connect w/you this week.I miss talking to you I need a good laugh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi Hurtin,
Im here and read all the posts. You havent posted much either in the past 2 weeks.
Im sorry to hear that your anger and frustation is still there and surfaces frequently. I think its natural for you to hurt like that and doubts arising in the mind. I have build considerable bridges with my W and its been hard work and it goes on. I think we are on ot a much closer and stronger relationship. We talk a lot. That is what will help you. Talk spontaneousy with your H, without any blame or guilt, his attitude towards such fantasy like realtionship will surface, let him emote too, and then he will be rid of his fantasies too. I dont know if this make sense to you. Your H has to work with you , otherwise alone you will continue to be in self doubt. Think of the worst that cud have happened, which it has not, think of the present and how you can convert that to future. Be supportive and take reassuarnce from him which will help you build trust. It will reflect in his actions not mere words.
Take care,
Humble

Hi billibones, and Gingersnap,hehehe thanks for replying you too, Welcome back ginger i also needed a laugh, Billi I understand everything that you said and it makes a world of sense, Your right we need to talk without blame or guilt. I just feel that he is getting away with it, once i start to go back to normal he then or it seems to me that he feels all is ok,, I cant deal with that because it is not ok, not by far. my husband is a very loving man, he is a excellent father and i hate to say it, but a excellent husband as well, all of this was so unnecessary it seems. I will never understand it , but I am willing to try to fix our problems. Mine included. Ginger my friend so so glad to see you back safe and sound ,, we will talk soon im sure,,, stay strong hun,, Hurtin

Hi billibones, and Gingersnap,hehehe thanks for replying you too, Welcome back ginger i also needed a laugh, Billi I understand everything that you said and it makes a world of sense, Your right we need to talk without blame or guilt. I just feel that he is getting away with it, once i start to go back to normal he then or it seems to me that he feels all is ok,, I cant deal with that because it is not ok, not by far. my husband is a very loving man, he is a excellent father and i hate to say it, but a excellent husband as well, all of this was so unnecessary it seems. I will never understand it , but I am willing to try to fix our problems. Mine included. Ginger my friend so so glad to see you back safe and sound ,, we will talk soon im sure,,, stay strong hun,, Hurtin <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi billibones, and Gingersnap,hehehe thanks for replying you too, Welcome back ginger i also needed a laugh, Billi I understand everything that you said and it makes a world of sense, Your right we need to talk without blame or guilt. I just feel that he is getting away with it, once i start to go back to normal he then or it seems to me that he feels all is ok,, I cant deal with that because it is not ok, not by far. my husband is a very loving man, he is a excellent father and i hate to say it, but a excellent husband as well, all of this was so unnecessary it seems. I will never understand it , but I am willing to try to fix our problems. Mine included. Ginger my friend so so glad to see you back safe and sound ,, we will talk soon im sure,,, stay strong hun,, Hurtin

Hi billibones, and Gingersnap,hehehe thanks for replying you too, Welcome back ginger i also needed a laugh, Billi I understand everything that you said and it makes a world of sense, Your right we need to talk without blame or guilt. I just feel that he is getting away with it, once i start to go back to normal he then or it seems to me that he feels all is ok,, I cant deal with that because it is not ok, not by far. my husband is a very loving man, he is a excellent father and i hate to say it, but a excellent husband as well, all of this was so unnecessary it seems. I will never understand it , but I am willing to try to fix our problems. Mine included. Ginger my friend so so glad to see you back safe and sound ,, we will talk soon im sure,,, stay strong hun,, Hurtin <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi billibones, and Gingersnap,hehehe thanks for replying you too, Welcome back ginger i also needed a laugh, Billi I understand everything that you said and it makes a world of sense, Your right we need to talk without blame or guilt. I just feel that he is getting away with it, once i start to go back to normal he then or it seems to me that he feels all is ok,, I cant deal with that because it is not ok, not by far. my husband is a very loving man, he is a excellent father and i hate to say it, but a excellent husband as well, all of this was so unnecessary it seems. I will never understand it , but I am willing to try to fix our problems. Mine included. Ginger my friend so so glad to see you back safe and sound ,, we will talk soon im sure,,, stay strong hun,, Hurtin <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ok ok ok ok I think I get it,I know I am slow but geee you don't have to post it that much for me LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hurtin you don't have any short comings do you???
I did not think so,you are to wonderful for that!!!

But really I guess we all need to take the blame for what we do wrong,but none of us the faithful ones really deserved what we were dealt.

Billi hang in there,maybe you need to post a little more often to get your feelings out.We are here to support you and help you and then that way you are not taking it out on your W.
Keep posting it really does help.

hi ginger & hurtin, I think of the affair she had 12 years ago, and the internet affair she had 2 and a half years ago, we even went to a marriage consoler, I think how many times she wanted to know when, and if I was going to scout camps with my 2 oldest boys, and she would get my youngest to spend the weekend, or the week with a freind, so she could be alone, was she with others, I just dont know,she would leave me here to fend for myself, the first couple of days she would pack me a cooler with lunch and sodas because I couldnt move from the back pain, then she quit, she got up early 2 saturdays in a row, left me here to fend for myself, to go be with him, she has even admitted, she let me do oral sex on her, right after being with him,and he did not wear a rubber, the thought makes me want to puke, she can sleep good, and call his name in her sleep, she eats good, she laughs, and goes on like nothing has happened, but it has,and my world seems to be crashing down around me,I dont eat rigrt and I definitly dont sleep right, and I cry all the time, she just doesn't seem to be the woman I fell in love with, and married 20 years ago, ginger I know what you mean, love him, hate him ,love him ,I hate my wife for what she did to me, to us, but I still love her, I guess thats why I'm still here, I just don't want to forgive, and find out its all lies, and get hurt again, I forgave her for the first affair, and even thou the internet affair wasnt sexual, it might have been if I hadn't caught it, but I got over that one two, but this one is the kick in the face, I just don't know if I want to take the chance again,she seems to be trying hard, but is it real, or more lies, well I have to go get dinner going, will try to get back on sun, have to work sat, tring to make extra $ to catch up on bills, and I have so much to get done before winter, alot of things got neglected for the 8 months I was down, seems like I'll never get it all done, hope you two are doing good, have a great weekend, your freind billibones <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

omygosh im sorry for all those postings,, I didnt think the first one went through and then to see umm they all did,, Im glad you got it Ginger, lol,,, Billibones,, I just dont get it,, you seem to be a loving and forgiving husband, but I dont know for me, hubby gets this one chance , I could not do it over and over, First of all its not fair to you or your children, And once may be a mistake , maybe just maybe even twice,, but more than that just seems like she is taking advantage of your good being. Im sorry you are hurting,,, Im sorry we are all hurting, but if we want to succeed we need to move along, If we are going to make the marriage work we also have to give, even if we feel and i know i do, that we should not have to, I hope things get better for all of us,, God bless untill next time, Hurting signing off,,

HI Billi,Hurtin
First,Hurtin you can say what you want as much as you want I love listening to you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

For Billi,I am no expert so lets get that straight from the beginning <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I see in you a very loving,caring,husband and father.Is your wife blind?
I am not making fun of blind people,but almost every post you talk of getting dinner ready,why?I am all for shared responsibilitys but I feel like you are doing 80%and her 20%.
You Billi are going to have to stop doing this.You sound to much like me,a giver and you give until you have nothing left and I think this is where you are right now.You have gotten yourself so worn down that now you can not think straight.

I think it is time you stop doing so much for her and let her see what she would be missing if you were not around.I know it sounds harsh and it could be a gamble,believe me I know because I have been there and still am in a way.You need to really lay it all on the line for her.I feel like she is in some way being a cake eater.Even if the affair has ended what is she doing for you?How is she showing YOU that YOU are the most important thing to her.Now that the affair is over it is very important that BOTH partners in the marriage meet each others needs,not just you meeting hers and you getting nothing in return.

Billi,we are all afraid of our spouses having another A,but we can not go through the rest of our life not living because of fear.I do not trust my H but I do not go daily thinking he is going to cheat.Yes there are times I worry and it is hard for me,but I will not let it kill me.I looked in the mirror and saw an old,tired,angry,ugly person and said this is what HIS desicion did to me and I don't like it.I will not let this kill who I am,I am in charge of my happiness.Please do not get me wrong I have days of crying and being down but for the most part I tell my self daily that I am somebody special and I will be happy for me.
It is hard but Billi you have to do this.Don't miss out on life because of this.If and this is only an If,your W choses to be unfaithful again it is her choice not yours and you then will need to tell her to leave that you will not be disrespected anymore because you are a great person and deserve more.
But I feel if you love her than don't live your life like she is going to cheat again,live it like she is in love with you and you her and enjoy your time together.

Do something for Billi this week <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Like put some meat on those bones <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Hurtin and I are going to have to cook you up some mexican food and fattin you up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ September 26, 2003, 10:01 AM: Message edited by: gingersnap ]</small>

Bravo Ginger ,,,, You said a mouthful girl,, Billi I agree with Ginger . You are doing to much for her and she is taking and you are not receiving.. She knows she has a good thing and she also knows that she has had an a before and you are still around and doing for her. Dont get us wrong it is great for two people to give each other but in your situation it seems as though,, you are the giver she is the taker. Ginger and I have our ups and downs,, also but I know that I do not let my husband get to the point that he is taking and not giving. He always gives me always, so I really don't have that problem. I do wish he was more giving in the emotions area . He says that he has tried and that i did not respond so there for why continue. I understand him, to a point. When this all first happend, I was not ready for him to give me anything, Now I think Im ready and willing . I hope things get better for you billi and about the mexican dinner oh la la We can fatten you up quick..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> but put some meat on them billibones <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Ok enough said have a great weekend both of you,,, It seems you two are the only ones that come to my thread lol... God Bless you both. Hurtinhart

Hurtin
I come here because I know I will always feel better after reading what you have wrote. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Others just don't know what they are missing.

Do you think we should put the word out??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Sorry we could not connect earlier I don't know what is wrong it wont let me
log on <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Hope to chat w/you again real soon.