Today my emotions were the overwhelming ones.<P>I took D to Robin after church today( R didn't attend). When I got there Robin came running out of the house happy to see Abbey.<P>Man she is beautiful. Today was one of them days that she was in fantacy land pretty good. She usualy seems pretty down. I was going to stay and spend some time with her, but I decided I couldn't do it with out barganing.<P>As I was getting ready to leave I gave Abbey a hug goodbye and the feelings hit. I held back the tears. I let her go and she ran off. Robin asked if I could use a hug. Of course I accepted. I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. I miss holding her so baddly, sometimes I feel like I just can't take it. As i was hugging her Abbey saw my tears and asked why I was crying. While still holding Robin, I told her it was because I missed mommy. This got a sniffle out of Robin.<P>I stayed for about five more minutes. When I stood up Robin gave me another hug, she said call me if you need me. I wispered I need you everyday, another sniffle. I immediatly left when I broke the embrace and cried all the way home. In fact I'm holding back the tears so I can type this. I miss her so much.<P>I tried real hard not to give her any signs of my pain. It's so hard when I know she still has contact w/OB, and I am alone.<P>I know she has about zero self-respect, how she can cover it up is beyond me. Insted she has dug herslf such a hole that she is starting to decorate it.<P>I do expect her to be this way. It's real hard to watch her.<P>I love her and am willing to endure this until she wakes up and pulls her head out of you know where.<P>New Years eve is coming up. This will be the ninth aniversary of us getting together. It has been a special night for us. I am going to ask her to spend it with me. I can't tell you how nevous I am about asking her. Wish me luck.<P>I am going to go with the spe idea for her x-mas gift. Thanks ladies for the idea.<P>Medic, if your reading this that is your push.<P>Thanks for letting me dump, I'm feeling stronger already.<P>I know God is in control.<P>Thanks,<P>Bill<P>"commit to the Lord what ever you do, and your plans will succeed" Proverbs16:3<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

(((((((((((((((BILL)))))))))))))))<P>maybe......just maybe.....she was tired of you always seeing the 'down and depressed' Robin, maybe she made an effort to show you a more upbeat, happier Robin....ummm....much as you have been purposefully showing her the new and improved Bill...think about it...you never know....<P>I think you handled the hug wonderfully....and just plain being honest when Abbey asked you.....wow......you had me a complete puddle of tears with your "I need you all the time' whisper........aaawww, Bill, I think the whole thing made you look like a really great husband.......<P>Dylan

Dylan,<P>The reason she was up today is yeasterday she worked with her looser painter friends.<BR>Thier fantacy world rubs off on her. You know how construction guys are around beautiful women. There in lies another reason for her affair. They feed her ego to the point it almost explodes.<P>I promise you it's not a new and improved Robin.<P>It's the sick unhealthy Robin!<P>Thats what hurts so bad, seeing the person you love in lala land.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

darn !!<P>well,...I was hoping.......and I still think that the 'I need you everyday' comment was worth more than ANY ego-stroking in the world..at least to me....and SHE offered the hug...and SHE told you to call her if you need her...those are two great offers !!!<P>Dylan

Just hang in there, Bill. It's gonna go back and forth and back and forth.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{Bill}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Lori

Yes Lori, I know the ongoing struggle in myt sick wifes mind.<P>Patience, Patience, Patience.....<P>How hard it is.<P>Bill<P>"commit to the Lord what ever you do, and your plans will succeed" Proverbs16:3<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hang in there. You have incredible patience. You are doing good.

It isn't me. It's a power greater than me.<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hey Bill,<P>You knew I'd be here, just a little late. Had to play ambulance till 15:00. Good day, didn't kill anyone.<P>I with ya in the teary mood time today. Val sent the absolute most touching Christmas card to me yesterday. I read that over so many times I'm suprised the print is still there.<P>I have had that "she is the best thing that ever happened to me with butterflies in the stomach love her so much you would put your life on the line" feeling all day. Not that that is a bad thing. No wonder I won't go away quietly.<P>Feeling a little depressed right now. My Mom asked me to put the wreaths on my Dad and Grandparents grave today.<P>The people I miss list is just growing.<P>Take care Buddy.<P>Tim

Tim,<P>I hate this depressed feeling!<P>I realy want to call her up and have it out with her. I am sick of this crap. It's all I can do to stick to my plan.<P>It just plain hurts, that the most loving careing, compassionate woman in the world only cares about one thing, <B>HERSELF!!!!!</B><P>I'll be feeling better soon I just know it.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hi Bill,<P>Just know that we are all behind you. We feel the pain. It's horrible. But, you're right in that a higher power is helping all of us get through this. It's so sad to love someone so much, yet they are beyond your reach. One of these days, Robin is going to wake up and see that she has the most wonderful husband in the world.

Thanks Syd,<P>Thats what I'm trying to become.<P>I can't wait to show her.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hang on Bud,<P>I think I would have been Ok with the beautiful card and the deep loving feelings for her today. Visiting the graves pushed me over the edge. Seeing his name engraved in the granite just hits me bad.<P>God, do I ever miss my Dad. It's been nine years this past September, but, it feels like yesterday sometimes. Especially now, he always could pull me out of the [censored]. I know he's watching and is helping. <P>It'll be alright Pal. Nine chances out of ten we'll wake up tomorrow.<P>Wishing all us the Best.<P>Medic

Medic,<P>Thats got to be tough. I've only gotton to be friends with my dad in the past 5 years. I couldn't imagine walking through this without him waiting in the wings ready to do what he can.<P>Holidays can be hard. The only one worse than this was x-mas 1987 when I got busted for drugs on christmas day. Broke my mothers heart.<P>The thing that gets me is, I should be home getting ready for bed tlking to Rob about how excited we are my folks will be here Tuesday. Hop in bed get buisy, cuase we realy can't while they're her. Small house thin walls. Rob falling asleep on me, my arm going numb, the smell of her hair and that funny twitch she has right after she falls asleep.<P>Instead I'm sitting here in this big-[censored] house with a futon, my computer, a tv, and the Judds playing on a crappy worn out jam box, chain smoking.<P>I know it won't be this way forever, Rob will get her head out of you know where and all will be well.<P>Thank God for Welbutrin!!! And my fellow cult members here at MB. hehehe<P>Enough of this pitty party.<BR> Tell me a joke!<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

WilliamJ,<P>Just have a few minutes and need to get offline. Sorry you had a bad one today.<P>I am surprised Medic didn't offer to lend you the @ss Master - our newly patented tool guaranteed to pull your W's head right out of her @ss!<P>You can also put the tool i a reverse motion and use it to stuff the LRB's head so far up his, he will never see the light of day again.... <P>Gotta sign off now...thinking about ya,<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Thanks RMA, I neened a good laugh.<P>Can you Fed Ex me an @ss master before the 23rd.<P>I'd rather use my foot on LRB!<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Bill,<P>Boy, Do I know what ya mean about hangin with the W. When Val came down on Thursday she had her hair pulled back revealing her beautiful face. She gave me a hug. Cute outfit on revealing her petite build. Boy, did she feel great to be up against.<P>I miss her voice, laugh, smell, touch. We used to sleep like spoons. One would turn around and the other would follow. <P>Everyonce in a while she would burn dinner. Damn, I even miss that.<P>I want to see her first thing in the morning and the last at night. I will make up for this lost time though.<P>Tim

I will make up for this lost time though.<P>I hear ya brother!!<P>Refuse to loose thats my attitude.<BR>Learn to be a GREAT husband and partner.<BR>Make up for lost time.<BR>The power of positive thinking.<BR>I like it.<P>Bill<BR><P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hey guys, take it easy will you. The shower is down the hall way. Some of us are a little touchy remember my H has been gone 5 months and and he was just recooperating from surgery even though that didn't stop us too much. But we were just starting to have fun after surgery when he lost his head and I haven't seen him since. Still can't figure that one out.<P>------------------<BR>di<P><p>[This message has been edited by SDS (edited December 19, 1999).]

Got a little carried away di, it's been a long emotionaly draining day.<P>Trying to keep in mind why I'm doing this.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>