As I look back and search the special times and the special things we have in our life I find that our union is directly connected. I want to protect our special times. I want an opportunity to address my wrong doings in the marriage. I want to face what drove us apart head on. The reality of your affair is very painful and has the potential to destroy all love I have for you, I am not going to sit back and let that happen. Believing that Through God, all things are possible and in order to protect my feelings for you, I must step back completely and cut off all contact with you. When you have ended your affair I would love to sit down with you and talk about our future, whatever it may hold. In the meantime, please respect my wish for no contact between us. In case of emergencies, you can communicate with me through My mom, Likewise, arrangements for working through visitation and other issues dealing with the children can be made through My mom.

Always

MYB

Ok.... so... I like it, it's brief and to the point. I would add something about having married for life and wanting to stay married.

Also you say that you want to address the wrongs in the marriage, I would make sure it's clear that you mean the things you did that contributed to the unhappiness in the marriage.

I really like how you worded the part about the affair being too painful for you.... very powerful.

Instead of saying "when" you have ended the affair, how would you feel about saying "as soon as" ? I like it better... it feels a little softer and yet still speaks in accord with the belief that the A will end.

When and how are you planning to deliver it? And you are planning to send it to the affair partner as well? With a note at the bottom that says :I really want to save my marriage and keep my family together, your relationship with my spouse is making that impossible, please do the honorable thing and end the R and all future contact.:

Ok.... I'm here for a little while yet today, so I'll check back if you want more input.

C

When and how are you planning to deliver it? And you are planning to send it to the affair partner as well?

H COMING OVER TO HAVE DINNER W/ SON. WAS GOING TO GIVE IT TO HIM ON WAY OUT THE DOOR. ACTUALLY, BUMPED INTO OW THIS WEEKEND AND COINCIDENTLY BLACKED HER EYE. H IS NOT MAD AT ME ABOUT THIS AT ALL HE KNOWS OW STARTED IT, BUT FEELS SHE HAD JUST CAUSE BECAUSE I APPARENTLY SAID SOMETHING DISRESPECTFUL TO HER SON. SO NEEDLESS TO SAY I WON'T BE SENDING HER ANY LETTERS. ALSO I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME SO DON'T KNOW IF I'LL BE ABLE TO FINISH TODAY.

MYB,

What was wrong with the one Star helped you with? Or the one I helped you with?

,,,,,,,,,,

<small>[ August 12, 2003, 12:28 PM: Message edited by: Seven 63 ]</small>

Takola, you make me feel so bad <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I took what I could from everyone's suggestions on that MYB PBL post and made this one....I am not saying the help you guys gave wasn't good. I used that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I am going back to make sure right now.

<small>[ August 12, 2003, 02:43 PM: Message edited by: MYB ]</small>

Well??? Did you give it to him? And then what?

C

Cerri,

Just finished the edits. I've been going up and down trying to think of all the excuses in the world not to go to plan B. H's attitude changed a little but I guess it's all in my perception and desire to want to see a light at the end of the tunnel. The light probably isn't really there. It seems that h is well on his way to being homeless or an official wanderer the people that he has been staying with for the past week just volunteered to me that it was only to be for a couple of days and that she was sure (as he wasn't home) that he was out trying to find a place to live. So I guess I would have to hand deliver this. What is suggested delivery.

Dear Husband,

As I look back and search the special times and the special things we have in our life I find that our union is directly connected. I want to protect our special times. I want an opportunity to address my wrong doings in the marriage. I want to face what drove us apart head on. I love you and I married you for life. I want a chance to be your wife without disrespect, control, Anger, and all other things that contributed to our unhappiness. The reality of your affair is very painful and has the potential to destroy all love I have for you. Believing that Through God, all things are possible and in order to preserve my feelings for you, I must step back completely and cut off all contact. As soon as your affair is over I would like to talk to you about our future, whatever it may hold. In the meantime, please respect my wish for no contact between us. In case of emergencies, you can communicate with me through My mom, Likewise, arrangements for working through visitation and other issues dealing with the children can be made through My mom.

Always

MYB

MYB,
No one wants to go to Plan B. No one. It goes against every instinct we have. And it's scary and risky.

But the question comes down to what are your options? Continue to have the A thrown in your face until you no longer want anything to do with him? Wait until your emotional reserves are so depleted that you turn into a lbing mess?

If indeed there are small signs of hope then that's even better. Perhaps Plan B will be a push in the right direction for him. But the real goal is to protect you.

The day I finally sent a PBL, I sat with it on my screen for hours and cried before I hit the send button. It took me years to get to that point. It was the right thing to do but it was probably the most difficult choice I'd made all through our marriage.

You can do this. We're here for you.

C

And yes, your letter is good.

Thank you. naturally, it's hard for me. But I just feel like it's harder with our babies 1st bd coming and he is supposed to be dedicated I posed this question to Takola on another thread

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Ok Tak, haven't made any additional edits to PBL yet, procrastination at it's best...or worst. I am really hoping for both of us to do something good w/ the kids not this week but the next. And than I'd like to give it to him on Monday the 25th. Is that too late. How should I get it to him and what about all the events coming up - how does that work with plan B. Like little ones dedication little ones bday party. What should I do those are both coming up here before end of September, and remember although we haven't started yet h agreed to go to church with me to ask pastor to dedicate little one. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Plan B means I don't talk to or see him anymore <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I'm ready. I know I don't have a choice. But I know I am getting ready to turn into a wreck my mother has been calling me everyday making sure I go down to states attorney and file charges against other woman. and that's a pain-just to have her on my back about everything I do regarding h and this situation

MYB,

Let me jump in here because I just want to say that the reason I would love to see you go to Plan B NOW is because you managed quite recently to seduce your husband a couple of times and show him what he is missing. (He felt like he was actually 'cheating' or her in this case) They were magical nights and the kind of memory I would like to see you leave him with as you move into Plan B...the night of your anniversary was quite unique. Between now and the 25th....there are opportunities to spoil that or give the OW more time to work on him. Act while you are on top. JMHO

<small>[ August 15, 2003, 09:41 AM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

ok, thanks Star. I missed having you around. I am going right now today. Do you think I should drop it at his job. I really don't have mailing address. I guess I should be trying to get someone else to drop it. I'm ready.

I shouldn't drop it off right, I should have someone else drop it off.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MYB:
<strong>I shouldn't drop it off right, I should have someone else drop it off.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YOu can email it too. And if possible it should go to her as well, with a note at the bottom that says you want to save your marriage and keep your family together and that her R with your H makes that impossible. Ask that she please end all contact with him so that your family can be reunited.

C

I'm reading LULU's threads. Makes me think I should Press charges on ow even though h did everything short of begging me to tear up the papers. I should press charges.

He doesn't have email - and don't forget about the fight w/ ow. Me and some of the other MB debated weather or not I should press charges.

How about the regular mail....or a registered letter?

He is really between houses and I just don't know how I can be sure that he got it.

What's wrong with delivering it to where he lives? Do you have to see him in order to do this? What about where he works?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MYB:
<strong>He doesn't have email - and don't forget about the fight w/ ow. Me and some of the other MB debated weather or not I should press charges.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ahhhh yesssss, the fight. Well, you can still send her a copy of the PBL, can't you? It would perhaps add a little more conflict to their R.

However you get it there is fine. Whatever works the best and is easiest for you.

C