I've been married for 3 years. I met my husband on the internet. We only knew each other a couple of months (not smart, I realize) before we married. He was not honest with me about several things-- he supposedly didn't do drugs (which was essential to me), he said he was a Christian, and that he was only a social drinker. These all turned out to be lies.
Even so, I've tried so hard to make things work. He drinks too much (only recently have I accepted that he IS an alcoholic). He drinks almost every night--- and it's never just a couple of beers. He will down a six pack or more in a matter of 30 minutes or less. I've never seen anything like it. I'm tired of being his designated driver, and I'm tired of taking 2nd place to his beer.
I have 3 children---I'd raised them by myself for 14 years, never having remarried until 3 years ago. My husband did nothing to try to get along with my kids or build a relationship... enforced unreasonable rules, in addition to my reasonable rules. After one year, my kids had enough and decided to go live with their dad. I let it happen. As soon as my kids moved out, his daughter was allowed to run wild (run over us) with no rules, chores, etc. at all.
My husb. also has 2 kids--- one deaf w/ learning disabilities and the other one spoiled beyond belief. All the parenting fell on my shoulders. His daughter has verbally abused me from day one, and he's allowed it. She's had NO rules, no consequences. It's horrible--- she's now 19 and still throwing tantrums like a 3 year old. She swears at me (horrible, abusive language), screams at me, and badmouths me to my in-laws. No matter what I've ever done for her or with her, she always paints this horrible picture of me and plays 'victim' with her relatives and friends. (She does this about her dad, too, but not to the degree that she has with me). He allowed it to happen---let me be the whipping post for her--no back up, nothing.
My husb. won't take any financial responsibilities, yet he always wants more things--- expensive toys, a bigger boat, etc. But, he makes a low salary and won't even look at a bill or help with planning our future or anything. Everything is all about what he wants--material things and what he wants to do.
He refuses to do anything I want to do. I used to think it was just because I didn't express clearly enough that there was an activity that I wanted to do, so I changed how I let him know. It's like he just refuses to take me to a restaurant of my choice, or a movie I want to see, or any activity I want to see. But I go to car shows, dirt bike races, movies he wants to see, visit his friends... and so on. Whatever he wants to do.
He doesn't compliment me-- he's told me I'm pretty just a few times, and maybe once told me that I'm sexy--and that was early on. I've told him that I need to hear that he thinks I'm pretty, but he won't change. I only get compliments from friends and coworkers, never from him. I don't feel valued, important, attractive, etc... to him.
He won't talk with me about problems. When I talk to him about things that bother me, and I've tried different ways to do that, he cuts me off and just blames our problems on how difficult our teenagers have been He often gets nasty and then acts very angry at me-- it's like he punishes me.
Even though I have more responsibility at work, earn almost twice as much money, and work longer hours--- I still have the bulk of responsibilities at home: including all the financial ones.
I really can't take it anymore--- he drinks nearly every night, even though he's promised me to stop/cut back. On 3 separate occasions, he has shoved me (violently enough that I've been bruised a couple of times) and is verbally abusive--- when he's drunk and sometimes when he's not. He gets very nasty to me if I try to talk to him about things.
I'd asked him a couple of times to go to a marriage counselor, but he refuses. He seems to think that our only problem is that I think there are problems.
I gave myself an ultimatum that if things had not improved--- if he was still letting his daughter treat me badly, not enforcing rules & consequences with her, etc. that I would move out in the summer. Nothing changed. She has been worse than ever. On top of all that, he continues to break promises he's made to me, and doesn't keep his word.
I finally went to a consultation with an attorney. She was not the vindictive type, and actually helped me work through some of my issues/decisions, etc. but I'm still having a hard time making the final step.
I don't have a life anymore. I don't do anything I want to do. I have too much pressure and too many responsibilities--- he is not my partner. My finances are in a wreck and I have no money. When I married him, I had my own house, money in the bank, a 401K, and a good career. Now, I'm broke and really don't own anyting.
I feel that I have given up my kids for him, because I allowed them to move out because he didn't want to be around them, and he even interferes with/obstructs my visitation with them.
So, why am I having a problem taking the final step and leaving???? I even paid the attorney a retainer. He won't talk about things and won't change.
Enough is enough, isn't it?? My friends and family think I should "save myself" and get out.
