every time i think that the A is over......
it's not. I heard once that if a marriage is to really have a chance the WS must be
1. Realy sorry for what they did.
2. See a really good marriage counselor.
3. NEVER have contact with the OP ever again.

Well, I seem to think he is not sorry for the affair, just sorry for hurting me. We went to counseling for a couple of months. Then we stopped. And I he still talks to her daily. Flirting and deep conversations. I know because I have friends who work with them too. He just doesn't know I have people watching. I ask him daily if he saw her but he says either no or in passing. What are the chances of my marriage working with her there. Has anyones marriage worked out? I don't want to waist anymore of my time. I am losing my mind trying to stay calm and understanding. Help!!!!!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ August 17, 2003, 11:38 PM: Message edited by: i.have.had.it ]</small>

Two of those things are really neccesary for the Marriage to be rebuild following an A.
1. Stop the A, cut off completely.
2. Feel the remorse and guilt of having an A, by the WS and of causing pain to your spouse.
You will find the tools here Plan A and B very useful esp because your WS is continuing the A.
Humble

Hi,

Read what you can from this site, also read the books His Needs/ Her Needs and Surviving an Affair. Our pastor had us read the first one together. Both are good.

Absolute NC is the best. Otherwise if you both wish to recover, to Redeem your marriage(the old one is now dead), the recovery time restart each time there is contact.

Remember he is fog bound, (my W is to) and the Wondering Spouse (WS) will need time. Its unfair but if you want to save the Marriage you will be carrying the burden for a while.

Have you told anyone about the affair? If it hasn't stopped it might be time to bring the light of day to it. Is the OW married? If so tell her H about it.

I would tell him you have friend that know and see whats going on and let you know.

Keep posting, you will get lots of good advise here and support.

God Bless

I have had it--

Your name makes me wonder if it's time for plan B. How long have you been in a good plan A? Don't cross the threshold of never going back before you get to plan B.

{{{{{Hugs}}}} I totally understand the frustration.. Cake Eaters are really REALLY frustrating. His cake needs to fall flat.. What have you done to take some of his leavening out of the cake? (exposed the affair, respectfully told him you know it's still going on, etc...)

Wish you the best,

2bm