A month ago I found out that my wife had an affair. It was/is not the standard traditional kind. She befriended a lady and they both got envolved with drugs. I am a teacher and coach so my job keeps me going. She used to be there at every game but last Fall she would be in the stands and then disappear. She started to party with her brother and would stay the weekends at his house (where the drugs mostly came from). Well to make a long story short the brother stopped and my wife wanted to continue. Her friend introduced her to others that led one night to a drug dealer providing more than she could afford. So she paid with sex. She swears it only happened once and has been clean for three months now. But daily I resent and visualize the whole affair. She did not come forward the police told because they saw her with this crowd and the dealer was trying to start his own prostitution ring. What should I do? And how many times has it really gone on? When the dealer was arrested he told the police whom he had sex with and described the events of many. He described my wife's but she leaves out a great deal of what he said happened at first she said not to hurt me but I cannot trust her again!
TDoram

TDoram welcome to Marriage Builders. I have a couple of questions:

1. Is she still involved with drugs?
2. Does she show remorse and a willingness to rebuild the marriage by willingly going to counseling and following a marital recovery plan?
3. Does she maintain her friendship with the woman who led her to drugs and having sex with the drug dealer?

I am so sorry for what you must be going through.
I do hope both of you have been tested. I seriously doubt you have the entire story. It does not seem reasonable this was a one time occurrance with a drug dealer and a pimp. You need to protect yourself and your children above everything else. If she still maintains relationships with her drug friends and is not open and honest with you then I would think about contacting an attorney. I wish you luck.

I am a recovery drug addict myself and looking at it from an addicts point of view, I am sure that there is more that she's not telling you at the moment. This is mostly to keep from hurting you and herself anymore than there is. I can say this much though, and I know that there are a lot of people out there who know about this real well. She's not going to totally quit until she really wants to quit herself. Once that happens, it's really only uphill from there. I know this is very hurtful for you, me being the wayward wife, I see the hurt my husband goes through. But again, she has to want it for herself, even if that means she needs to be alone to do so. This, for you, is going to be a long haul but trust me, in the long run, beings she loves you so, it will turn out to be great in the end! When she does get clean, there is going to be a part of her recovery where she is going to make amends for any hurt and wrong doings and this would most likely be the time for all this information about this 'drug dealer' and the things that happened between the 2 of them. I would, though, for your safety, either withhold sex from her or use protection until tests are done! This is a very strong suggestion. Addicts, beings they are using sex for drugs obviously are not thinking about safety. I hope this does help you out a little bit. If you need anymore information on drug addiction, I do know quite a bit about it and how one can behave and how to cope, and I hope that I can be of help for you. I must agree with bryanp on the part of you must look into the best interest of you and yours also. This is and can be a very dangerous situation. Don't give her a harsh ultimatum as that will drive her into the wrong direction even more but have a talk with her, let her know that this is not ok and that you want her to get some help for herself so that she can be that wonderful woman, wife, and mother that everyone knows and loves.

TDORAM,
This is tough. The crap your W got her self into is awful. But she needs help. Since she has paid for drugs with sex, that is a serious addiction. You might have to put your own trust and hurt aside and start showing her some help on this crazy stuff. There is a support group call AL-ANON that helps families with loved ones who have serios addiction problems. This si a different kind of affair.
The web site is http://www.al-anon.org
I hope this helps.
Sean