I am just feeling really down today so please bear with my scattered thoughts.<BR> Two days ago was H and I's anniversary, I had told him when I first came back 2 months ago that the day meant nothing to me and just forget it. Well things had been going good for at least a week, and I thought to myself why lose one more thing to this EMA. So I got him a card. No biggy, but at least a thought. <BR>He did nothing, nothing at all. This really hurt because it is just one more thing to prove that I am doing all the work at saving the marriage when he destroyed it. <BR> I know that I had told him to forget it, but It just seems to me that he puts 0 effort on doing anything for me. Why am I here?<BR> <BR> ANd then the whole thing about him leaving ( a recent post he is moving without me)<BR>he just does not act like he wants me to go at all. It is only 3 weeks till we are supposed to be there and he has not said or done anything. Won't even look at the listings I got from the internet on housing.<BR> With the way he treats me I just have to wonder why I am here at all. I know I am supposed to feel lucky because at least my H is home with me, but I don't. I feel like more and more I just want out. But then I think about my 2 young children and know how much it would hurt them.<BR> I am just so tired, tired of being the only one who talks, Loves, anything. My MIL is always telling me I deserve so much better. My parents are always telling me I have to make it work, that is what GOd wants.<BR> I am so confused. I don't know what to do. I sure would like for someone to love me unconditionally LIke I show him. Love me period. I don't get anything from him. <BR>Except treated like crap half the time. <BR>What are we all really fighting for? Will it ever be like before the EMA? No I don't think so.<BR> I honestly believe he is going to wait till the last minute before we have to be there to tell me the kids and I cannot go. ANd I feel that if this happens and we don't go that it is the end of my marriage. How can I trust him 1000 mls away when he could not be trusted 10 mls away? Maybe this just me trying to find excuses to get out of this marriage though. Maybe that is what I need to focus on is me for a change. I am just so tired. Tired of carrying everyone and no one even lifting a hand to me. <P> Thank you for reading my scrambled thoughts.<P>------------------<BR>God is our refuge and STRENGTH,<BR>A very Present help in trouble.<BR>Psalm 46:1<BR>I sought the Lord and he heard me, <BR>and delivered me from all my fears.<BR>Psalms 34:4<P><p>[This message has been edited by *SecretuvmyStrength* (edited December 19, 1999).]

to the top!!!!!!!

Hi SS,<P>First, it sounds to me like you've sent your H some mixed signals. On one hand you told him to forget the anniversary as it means nothing to you. Then, you're upset because he does exactly what you said. I'm sure you said that in a moment of anger, but do you think what you said might have hurt your H?<P>Have you come out and asked your H if he wants you to move with him. (Sorry, if you've explained all of this in previous posts. I'm not up on your situation.) You do deserve an answer on this. You shouldn't have to guess, or hear it at the last minute. And, more importantly, you're going to have to figure out what YOU want to do. If you want to go with him, then you have every right to know what he intends to do. I would sit down with him, and have a discussion.

Thank you SIdney for your response.<BR>And yes I am sure I have given allot of mixed signals. Due to the fact that I just feel like he does not even want me and I am wasting my time. <BR> He told me tonight that He does want us to go with him no matter how hard it will be finacially (spelling). He also says that him coming to this conclusion has something to do with my saying we would not last 4 months apart. <BR> Well Heck I did not want him to want me that way. I just wanted him to want us to go because he did not want to be away from us not in fear of losing us. I told him I was not threating him when I said that only telling him what I believed to be true. Talk about mixed signals. I am the queen. So what now do I go knowing that he may only want us there on these circumstanses????? <P>------------------<BR>God is our refuge and STRENGTH,<BR>A very Present help in trouble.<BR>Psalm 46:1<BR>I sought the Lord and he heard me, <BR>and delivered me from all my fears.<BR>Psalms 34:4<P>

Talk to him.<P>I know you've tried. And I have been keeping up with you pretty much so I know how hard you've worked too.<P>But this is a big move and a HUGE decision. Take some time, away from the kids, when you're both fairly sane and reasonable and talk about it - honestly and respectfully. Will he listen and talk?<P>Tell him, directly, without mixing signals (and it is SO hard to do) how you feel, what you worry about and if you want to be with him, then tell him so.<P>I know you're tired. And you do need to take some time to rest. And be good to you.<P>I don't know what else to say, now. but we're listening.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{SOMS}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Lori

Thank you all for you posts.<P>Just some one reading and taking the time to post means allot. Thanks<p>[This message has been edited by *SecretuvmyStrength* (edited December 20, 1999).]