The fact that you two have chosen to have an affair and end your marriages, shows that you do not have what it takes to weather the serious ups and downs of a committed relationship. It is very likely that years from now either you or ald will be here telling your story about how one left the other for another person.

Let me ask you the folloing: If tomorrow ald were to fall in love with another man, would she be justified to follow her heart and dump you like she did her H? What about you? Would you be justified in dumping ald if you fell in love with another woman?

The problem is that you and ald seem to hold on to the beleif that if you fall 'in love' EVERYTHING is justified. If this is so, then the future does not bode well for your relationship for falling in love is so easy considering all of the people out there that you and ald are going to interact with. The old saying 'what goes around comes around' is very true, and especially in situations like yours.

I would suggest that you live alone for a year without dating and get your act together. You have hurt your H, yourself and your children by committing adultery. My advice is to get some spiritual guidance and psychotherapy. The problems that you are confronting is a consequence of committing sinful behaviour. Only by doing what is morally right can you reverse the negative consequences of what is happening to you.

Yes, you justified leaving your W and children, you justified sleeping around on the OW, you justify everything. You both live a life of lies. And, because of it the fantasy life you live now will crumble.

Ald's OM you do not understand Love and niether does Ald. Neither one of you was willing to fight for the marriage you had, and niether one of you will be willing to fight for the fantasy you have now. Both of you, if you don't stop, will just continue to be the OP and destroy others as you go along in life.

Another thing, you didn't have an A on ALD, your not married, your just sleeping around.

Wake up, both of you. God Love's you. Wake up

Silverthorn,

You are the betrayed spouse right, I am a little unfamilar with the symbols. But if you are the BS do you have a story? What happened to you? If your wife had an A on you, surely you must have been hurt and felt betrayed. I am trying to find out if my feelings(after being betrayed) are strong enough for this man. Even though I had an A on my H I was 100% comitted to this new man. Even though we were not married to each other I was devastated by how much he hurt me. I am trying to understand what he did and why he did it. Through counselling we are trying to make it work even though we are not married to each other.

Falling in love with a man who cheats .... the feelings of love for a man who cheats .... the trusting of one's care and safety to a man who cheats .....

You are trying to find out if your "feelings are strong enough for this man" .....

You are asking yourself the WRONG question !!!!!!!

You should be asking yourself this question:
Is this adulterous person a real MAN, a man who has been loyal, honest, faithful, and respectful in his past dealings with me AND with others?".

The answer is NOOOOOOOOOO

This is a very high risk man.

But, that's just the opinion of one woman who thinks integrity and respect show a person's true character. But, I think you are a different type of woman. A woman with feelings pushing her around.

Good luck, you're gonna need it!

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ August 20, 2003, 09:22 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

PS....

"Why he did it."

Because it felt good, and he is not a man of strong character.

It's fairly simple. He wanted to.

Good luck with the babe.

Pep

<small>[ August 20, 2003, 09:57 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

ald and ald's OM,

I find it just amazing how you two just completely dismiss your spouses, and your children with these spouses. I find it even more amazing that you, ald, worry about marrying or being with OM. OM clearly states that he has NO regard for marriage and that leaving his W and two children was fine as long as he had love. From you and from the second OW.

Further he says </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">For those of you who doubt that I am now committed to "ald", please consider this: We have been living together now for over a year and we have a 7 month old son together who we love dearly.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is NOT something to be proud of. You two are apparently still married to others. Creating a new life in this mess is just plain mean spirited.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "Ald" also has a 7yr old daughter from her previous M who has a disability, and who is extremely demanding, bossy, stubborn, and difficult to handle. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So that justifies you two having an affair, and you then having an affair on the affairee??? What the heck are you thinking. What the heck does the behavior of a disabled child have to do with your immoral behavior???

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In addition, I have been financially supporting everyone (incl my ex-spouse and my 2 previous children).</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Like you have a choice to support your two children and your ex-spouse. This is NOT an endorsement for your character. It is something the law makes you do whether you want to or not. Plus, it is your responsibility to take care of your children. By the way, they ARE NOT "previous" children. They are children abandoned by their father.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The past 15 months have been the most stressful of my entire life as me and "ald" struggle to save our relationship. Also, I have invested significant funds (over $22,000) into developing our basement and purchasing a family vehicle. In light of the above, do I sound like a man that is not committed to staying?? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No you do not sound like a man that is commited to staying. You sound like a man that has no idea what commitment really means: to children, your spouse, your OW or your second OW. You sound like a clueless idiot.

Who by the way doesn't know statistics. The odds of your marriage to ald working is about 3%. Not very good odds even for a man that knows what commitment is. Your description of the children involved is just chilling and displays a lack of remorese, caring that is hard to imagine.

ald would be a fool to marry you.

And ald, it is time you stopped and really thought about all of the lives you are destroying and have destroyed in this affair you have been having.

I repeat this is a marriage builders site, not an affair enablers site. You two are far to clueless to be having affairs, or bearing children from everything that you have said. I strongly suggest that you two move away from one another, and really really consider what you have done.

It is a very bad thing.

God Bless You Both but more importantly the poor people that have had the misfortune to know you two and the children involved in your lives.

JL

<small>[ August 21, 2003, 12:50 AM: Message edited by: Just Learning ]</small>

Here it is bluntly ALD

YOU WERE NEVER BETRAYED BY YOUR OM, YOU WERE NEVER MARRIED TO HIM.

You Betrayed your H, He betrayed his W.

You want understanding about betrayal, look in the mirror and look at yourself. YOU BETRAYED your husband. I'm sure your Husband feels a deeper pain then you feel. Heck you even through the OM in his face.

The best advise I can give you is to GO BACK TO YOUR H. From what you wrote you really never gave your M a chance. How do you think what you have now will ever survive when both are BETRAYERS of their marriage vows, and don't see a problem with it. I guess both of you don't understand what LOVE really is.

Currently you both live in LALA land.

This is a sad, sad story. I see two self-centered people destroying a number of people in their path. ALD, he did not commit A against you but has committed a second time against his wife. He (we need a name for you) has not entered into marriage with you. He has destroyed his family, a wife and two kids. Pressured you into destroying your family and leaving your husband. Everything here is about me, me, me. ALD, you have helped the OM destroy his family. (Yes you need to take some credit it that). You have destroyed your current husband and hard to tell what damage you have done to your own 7 yr old daughter. Some of her problems could be what you have done to her family. Now you have had a child with a man you are not even married to. To add to all of this, he (OM) now commits A again and you wonder what life will be like in the future. You are currently on the Titanic after it hit the iceberg and you have decided it's just a little hole and want to go back to the dance floor to dance the night away. There is no hope of ever saving this because you both have no foundation of trust for each other. Everything from the beginning of your relationship has been about lies and deceit. There is nothing positive here to build a relationship on. OM, (need initials) you chose to fall out of love with your wife. It is not something that just happens just like you decided to do. Just like you decided to commit A with ALD, and the A you just committed again. These are all choices that you made. You cannot blame them on other people or even the OW. This applies to you also ALD. You chose to fall out of love with your husband and you chose to have feelings for this OM. These are all choices with comes with consequences. Your are starting to reap what you have sown and you don't understand why.

JL

Thank you...thank you....bravo!!!!!
You do not know what this has meant to me today. I was ready to give up with my WH because the pain was too great. THIS I needed to hear.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Now marriage is based on love but has less to do with it than you think. Marriage is commitment, it is taking vows and keeping them, EVEN if your partner does not. It is caring for and protecting your spouse. Within the context of marriage love is VERB. It is the actions you take to meet your commitments, it is the care you give to the person you are married to.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ALD.....This man lied and cheated on a woman he vowed before God to love and protect.

HE LIED TO GOD!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Why is it so hard for you to beleive he would lie to you?

Ok, now this is a very long thread and I hope i get everyone in that belongs. Ok to ald's om. You mentioned that you spend x amount of dollars for a basement car etc. right? ok I have a friend that is married , her husband met a YOUNGER woman also took the opportunity and got her pregnant . He is still married to my friend who is so much pain you would not believe. You say you would never have invested if it was not love or that you didnt love ald. Well mr. I think the only reason why you are or did invest any kind of money is for your own guilt of the affair you had . You are both married right? Two wrongs dont make a right. How can you ask someone to believe when you have made the mistake of an affair with your wife, and now ald? Something smells fishy here. Ald my advise would be to get out while you still can. Why do people continue to hurt other people, people you are supposed to love, honor , cherish???? Makes no sense. First of all you both have children from your marriages. What about them? What about their feeling, pain, loss? And now you two have made a baby together, with yet another affair in the book. Come on people open your eyes and see what is going on. The children are the ones that are going to hurt. Ald the man you are with now, says your daughter is selfish, and other remarks I cannot remember. She should be your number 1 priority, along with your baby girl. Stop thinking of what makes you too happy right now, and make the children happy. Your time will come the children did not ask to be born. Give them a chance . I better stop im sorry if i sound harsh but , this is a real mess you people have gotten yourselves into . No one else but yourselves. God bless you all, and may god give you the strength to get through this. Hurtin

I really want to reply here, but I wanted to read everything first and just when I was thinking..... This is a sad, sad story ...The text appeared before my eyes. Thanks my sentiments exactly.

It is so sad that I hardly want to reply. I think it's sad that OM calls his children Previous.

By the way, they ARE NOT "previous" children. They are children abandoned by their father

It is so sad that OM has come here and typed almost proudly about leaving his wife and not one but 2 children to be with ALD. Well ALD you should feel special and I bet you did - which is why your h was trying to end his life you where trying to start a new one with someone elses husband having him take care of your child, who if you listen in his opinion YOU CHILD IS extremely demanding, bossy, stubborn, and difficult to handle...RED FLAG, RED FLAG.

For those of you who doubt that I am now committed to "ald", please consider this: We have been living together now for over a year

Wow, a whole year <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOL

YOU ARE NOT A BETRAYED SPOUSE. YOU ARE AN ADULTERESS. THE OM...IS JUST THAT THE OM. THIS IS SICKENING. BUT I'LL GIVE YOU SOME ADVICE ANYWAY. MAYBE TOMORROW. BUT I'M SORRY I AM NOT GOING TO POST TO THE OM. HOW CAN YOU COME HERE BETRAYED AND ASKING FOR HELP AND THEN INVITE HIM ONTO YOUR THREAD NOTHING YOU TRY TO DO TO REBUILD YOUR NON-MARRIAGE IS GOING TO WORK. BECAUSE IT IS WRONG. AND IF YOU CAME HERE FOR SUPPORT...MAYBE DOWN THE LINE YOU WOULD HAVE GOTTEN IT. I DON'T KNOW. BUT I THINK INVITING YOUR WANNA BE HUSBAND HERE TO JUSTIFY WHAT A STICK AROUND GUY HE IS WAS A BAD MOVE. HE IS 2 STEPS AHEAD OF YOU.

<small>[ August 21, 2003, 04:24 PM: Message edited by: MYB ]</small>

ald and OM:
It's very hard to read your posts, knowing that BOTH of you have cheated on your spouses and seem to feel justified in doing so. Ald, you were not cheated on by your H.....there is a difference. Many of us here are in long term, committed marriages which mean the world to us. I'm sure your relationship means something to you, but it's hard as a BS to drum up alot of sympathy for two people who have come together as a result of lying and cheating and hurting innocent people. As you're finding out, infidelity creates alot of chaos in alot of lives. Also, how are your former spouses doing? What is their take on all of this? I can only imagine.

It's been a long time since I've come across such emotionally immature ppl as you two. I feel terrible for the kids involved here. They don't deserve to have this kind of garbage going on in their young lives. You two think only of your own immediate gratification and not the long term consequences and that's exceptionally childish and self-serving.

Here is the bottom line:

If they'll do it with you, don't be surprised when they do it to you!

bump