I have been reading and posting here since I found out about my H's A 5 weeks ago. I have confromted him about the A and he swore he ended it. Found out 2 weeks later he did not end it. Swore again it is over. In my heart I know he is still seeing her and I will have proof as soon as he returns at the end of the week.

OW is married and I have been advised to tell her H. It is comming and soon.

Oh, and I'm nearly eight months pregnant. I'm exhausted, mentally drained and just don't feel good most of the time. I know alot of it is the pregnancey and dealing with all of this on top of that.

I have been trying plan A. Not very well. Too much LB. Can't seen to get my emotions under control so that I can meet his needs when I feel like my heart is being ripped out.

O.K. so that is the history...here is the problem. I'm tired. I just don't think I can do this anymore. I can't take the pain, the rejection and the lonliness. I just don't know is I want to even try anymore. How do you try to make things right and happy and make a WS want to be with you when you can't get past the pain?

If I had somehere to go I would be gone. I fell like I just want to run away. But reality is we have a nearly 4 year old daughter who loves her Daddy and I can't take him away from her. So we are stuck.

I'm to the point where I just don't care anymore. We will stay married, leagaly anyway. I just can't be the loving wife who meets his needs. I'm lonely and alone. I don't want my marraige to end. I just don't know if I have the strenght to fight anymore when he won't quit seeing OW and focus on his marriage.

Any sugesstions. I'm truly at the end of my rope.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lr001:
<strong>I have been reading and posting here since I found out about my H's A 5 weeks ago. I have confromted him about the A and he swore he ended it. Found out 2 weeks later he did not end it. Swore again it is over. In my heart I know he is still seeing her and I will have proof as soon as he returns at the end of the week.

OW is married and I have been advised to tell her H. It is comming and soon.
</strong>
Time to expose the affair. NOW!
The best way to end an affair is to expose it. To your family, to the spouse of the WW, to your pastor, to his frineds.
Do this logically and w/ no LBing of H. Tough but possible. Do not present it as though you are a drama queen.


Oh, and I'm nearly eight months pregnant. I'm exhausted, mentally drained and just don't feel good most of the time. I know alot of it is the pregnancey and dealing with all of this on top of that.

Honey, I have worn your shoes (and they are sooooo uncomfortable at 8 months, especially w/ no one to lovingly rub your tired aching swollen ankles), but did not know enough to end it all for good. I let it go until 2 months ago when I found MB.

I have been trying plan A. Not very well. Too much LB. Can't seen to get my emotions under control so that I can meet his needs when I feel like my heart is being ripped out.

When you feel your self LBing, don't forget to apologize immediately after you have cooled down. And/or, when you feel the urge to LB, excuse yourself long enough to cool down, rethink, rephrase, and return. If you have to say to H that you need a time out because you feel as though you are going to say something counterproductive to the issue, that works really good.

O.K. so that is the history...here is the problem. I'm tired. I just don't think I can do this anymore. I can't take the pain, the rejection and the lonliness. I just don't know is I want to even try anymore. How do you try to make things right and happy and make a WS want to be with you when you can't get past the pain?

READ PLAN A again. read the posts here, gather strength.
It is possible to get back to the place where you have hope for the marriage. It is possible to get back to the point where you have patience. It is possible to get back to the point where you love your husband.

If I had somehere to go I would be gone. I fell like I just want to run away. But reality is we have a nearly 4 year old daughter who loves her Daddy and I can't take him away from her. So we are stuck.

Just get that running away thought out of your heart and mind. Youa re scared, your are frustrated, you are tired, and you are desparate. Running away from a problem NEVER solved anything!

enough scolding <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'm to the point where I just don't care anymore. We will stay married, leagaly anyway. I just can't be the loving wife who meets his needs. I'm lonely and alone. I don't want my marraige to end. I just don't know if I have the strenght to fight anymore when he won't quit seeing OW and focus on his marriage.

Expose the affair NOW.
Read Plan A again.
be patient,
love your baby girl,
love your baby on the way,
love yourself.
YOU are about to perform the most wonderous miracle, giving birth. Call family and frineds, ask for love and support and help.

<strong>Any sugesstions. I'm truly at the end of my rope.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">hang in there Mommy, you can do this. It is by no means easy.

Keep in touch, we will give you lots of love and hugs.

xo
Hypatia

LRoo1
Good Morning,
and how are you doing this morning?

xo
Hypatia

Hi Lr001

I'm sorry for what brought you here and I understand your pain.

I agree don't wait expose the affair, tell her H now. Unitl it is exposed it will continue.
Remember the affair is not your fault, your H is 100% responsible for choosing that path. He is in a fog of fantasy and lies. Exposing it will bring reality to the front. As for giving up, nither you nor your children deserve that. Never give up.
Remember it will take time and patience to recover from this.

The first step is exposing the Affair, let the OWH know, find someone you trust to talk to. (A female friend would be best)
Who you tell is up to you, I would start with the OWH then start to expand if needed.
You and your H will need a good MC, I prefer a Christian Councelor.

God Bless

Thank you for your responses. Today I am trying to be more upbeat. Not easy. My husband is comming home today from his trip. I'll know for sure if he is still involved with OW. And yes, if he is I will take everything I have and give it to her H. All of the emails, chats and text messages.

I know we should be seeing a good christian MC. The babtist association keeps a good one on staff and our church will even pay for his services. The problem is my husband will not go. Typical excuses "We don't neeed someone else to tell us what is wrong....we know what is wrong." That may be the case but we don't seem to be able to fix it on our own. But as long as he won't go there is not much I can do about it.

I guess what scares me the most is that he has been gone all week and I should be happy he is comming home. But I'm not. Somehow it was not as lonely this week without him as it is with him. I just don't seem to have the energy it takes to deal with him these days.

I'm so sorry for your pain...pregnancy is hard enough on the emotions. I know, I've walked in your shoes as well. My WH has had 3 A, and will give anything in the world to get back together. I don't have it in me. Don't know how to get it back...and that's with him begging forgiveness.
I've been in the limbo you feel, love WH but don't have the stregth to pull through.

Expose with OW H will shake it up. Get counseling for yourself and try to take it easy (as much as possible). I'm sure you know that mom's stress directly effects baby.

Blessing on you and little ones

Well today is a new day and I am hoping after the weekend a new start on our marriage. When my H returned from his trip and I found he was still involved with OW I lost it. Went straight to plan B, well sort of. I told him that I wanted him out of the house and I didn't know if I even had it in me to try anymore. He said he wouldn't leave. I told him when I went to his commander (military) and told him of everything that was going on he would have no choice.

I think this woke him up. He swore he would do everything it takes to make this work. Said without his family he had nothing. He sent OW an email NC letter and sent me a copy of it. I sent one of my own to both of them. I told OW that I would make copies of everything and send to her H. Problem is I don't know his name. I have an address and last name but not first name. I want to make sure he gets the material but I don't know how. Any suggestions?

I told H this was his last chance. I know we have both made mistakes and we should put them in the past and leave them there. I told him we should just start over. So that is what we did. Anyway H sent flowers on friday, and spent the weekend being kind, sweet, loving and attnetive. No LB from either of us and we truly had a wonderful weekend.

I want with all my heart to believe the FOG has truly lifted and rebuild my marriage. How do I get rid of the little voice in the back of my head that says "He told you this before, He's just going to be more careful now" How will I know for sure that it over between him and OW?

I told OW that I would make copies of everything and send to her H. Problem is I don't know his name. I have an address and last name but not first name. I want to make sure he gets the material but I don't know how. Any suggestions?

If you have her address you should be able to get their home number. Also if she works with your H isn't there someone you know in their office who can give you her H's name or number?

As for you H being out of the fog...I doubt he is all the way out...but this is a good first step.

Since he volunteered to whatever you wanted him to in order to work on the M, then you should put together a list. Here are some suggestions.

*NC letter mailed to her home
*Set up phone counseling with the Harley's
*You both need to read SAA and Not Just Friends
*Get him to agree to follow MB principles
*He needs to answer all your questions truthfully
*He needs to go to IC
*Need to figure out why he had A...what personal and maritial issues contributed to the environment
*He needs to agree to become an open book...give you access to everything, cell bills, phone bills, credit card receipts, etc.

And whatever you feel is necessary for your M to recover.

YOU NEED TO EXPOSE THE AFFAIR ASAP...I KNOW IT'S EMBARRASSING BUT DON'T LET THAT STOP YOU. THE OW'S H DESERVES TO KNOW AND HE CAN HELP ENFORCE NC.

Hang in there...it's hard enough to go through the aftermath of an A or to go through pregnancy...together it must be seemingly unbearable but you sound like a strong woman.

Keep talking to your H but try not to LB...try to really listen to him when he talks...he'll drop clues all along the way.

Best Wishes!