My husband is having an A and has left me and our 4 month old daughter. I really want to confront the OW. Do you think this is a good idea and what should I say? Of course I will be civil, but I want her to know what a horrible person she is and I really want to hear what she has to say for herself. Well, what do you think?

Hi TL
Welcome to the MB, but I'm sorry for what brought you here, and understand some of the pain your going through.

I couldn't tell you if confronting the OW would be good or not. I confronted the OM on D-day. (He just hide behide the door, and my W was there seeing this, he didn't say anything except he would call the police.)

Is your husband with the OW?

Have you told anyone about the A?

Well, calmer heads will have to advise you on this one. Myself I would but then thats me. If your going just to vent and yell, do that here.

Read PLAN A/PLAN B and decide what route you need, usually PLAN A is first then PLAN B.

The best advise I can give you is read Surviving an Affair, and whatever else on this site. It helps.

You can Recover from this. And, dont give up hope on your M just yet. Reality will hit sooner or later.

Use this time to get closer to God, pray, read your bible. You will need his help, his strength, his peace. He is waiting. God Loves You.

God Bless

<small>[ August 22, 2003, 01:01 PM: Message edited by: Silverthorn ]</small>

TL,

I confronted the OM twice. Very pleasant, no yelling and he just lied to my face. No remorse, no I am sorry's. It didn't help me. Sometimes I wish I had just went off on him in public really loud, I still think about doing it.

With the state that your husband is in confronting the OW might give them a common enemy in you and could draw them together. Is OW married? Find her H or BF and let them know.

God bless

Absolutely confront the OW, but be sure that you are safe and as calm as possible.

Do you know the OW? How did your H meet her?

Read Surviving An Affair and begin to take the steps that are noted in there. You can read about Plan A and Plan B here on the board.

Exposing the A to the light is part of the process.

Good luck and God Bless you in this time of need.

Thanks for replies. I did meet the OW about 2 years ago. She is not married. They met in college 15 years ago and he says he has always been attracted to her. They ran into each one night when he was out with "the boys" and ended up going home with her. He said they just kissed and then stopped it because he is married. And since then he has been spending time with her. He completely denies he is having an affair and says I am reading too much into it. He has moved out and stays at her place - he says some nights and sleeps on the couch. He says half the time she is not there because she is a Resident at a local hospital. I really don't think I am reading more into- I think it is pretty obvious what is going on. But I would just like to hear her side of it.

He always says she is not the issue. That our marriage was in trouble long before she came into the picture. I did not know we were in trouble until he unloaded this on me a month ago. But apparently he has been unhappy for 1 1/2 years ( we will be married for 2 years Sept 1, lived together for 5) He wants absoultely nothing to do with our marriage, he does not want to work on things and solve our problems. He believes that it would be forced. He told me Monday he wants a divorce. I think he just wants to be with her guilt free. Sometimes I think fine- just end it - he is obviously not the person I married. I can't trust him and I am so angry at him. I am so confused and hurt.

TL, Click on the link in my signature line. Read up on Plan A and Plan B. He sounds like a conflict avoider.