OW has just left for another job. My husband was her manager. Her last day was Friday. He was very cold and distant on Friday when he came home. Saturday he was down right rude. I asked him what was wrong. And he continued to yell that it was my fault she had left. He said she could have been transfered or had other options, but because I am crazy she left. He also said
"Here we are the 1st day she's gone & you are still giving me sh_ _!"

A couple of months ago I had enough and called her family to let them know what she was up to. She is single, however here culture is very strict and she is not permitted to marry outside of it. Her family has been trying to set up her arranged marriage, but she wants nothing to do with it. She wants my husband. I also called her when I find out that she was on a trip with my husband. She denied it. My husband has tried to play it down.

We had about an hour conversation. I cried and was upset, but did not throw anything (that is a major accomplishment for me) and stayed calm. At the end of this conversation, he said, "She needed to leave anyway. This is for the best."
Which on is it?

Is this normal that they blame the spouse? I will take resposibility for not supporting my husband and for not being the wife that he needed, but I will not take responsibility for his affair. When does he face the music? Is there a grieving period for the WWS when the OP leaves?

I hope this all makes sense. I will write more about the history of all of this later when I get a chance. I just needed some support today. I decided yesterday to stay positive and not be ugly. It is taking A LOT of prayer. But I am tired of crying and being miserable over a situation I have no control over. I can only control me!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Is this normal that they blame the spouse? I will take resposibility for not supporting my husband and for not being the wife that he needed, but I will not take responsibility for his affair. When does he face the music? Is there a grieving period for the WWS when the OP leaves?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Calm, Welcome to the forum.

This is SO normal...that it ought to be written in the a script somewhere! This is EXACTLY what happens. It's unfair, but very very normal. Blaming it on the spouse is classice.....a grieving period is standard.

So what can you do? Dr. Harley recommends Plan A for the grieving period. Do you know what that is....if you do....describe it. I would also like to firmly suggest you buy two books "Surviving an Affair" and "Love Busters". If not throwing things is difficult for you, then you have quite a bit of work to do on yourself. That will strengthen your plan A, raise intimacy and shorten the grieving period.

You were right in exposing the affair....that was smart and reasonable to save your marriage. When your H accuses you of being to blame, agree with him that you are to blame for exposure and that you did it, because you love him and want to save your marriage. That will make it hard for him to argue with. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />