I have been visiting MB site for 3 weeks, but this is the first time I have posted a message. I guess a little background is in order.I have been married for almost 30 years (Nov) and have 3 grown children, 25,22 & 19. My husband told me 19 days ago that he has been having an affair for nearly 3 years with someone from high school who he got reaquainted with at a reunion. I have suspected something was wrong, but didn't want to believe it was an affair. He says it is over and they have both agreed to never see each other again. He says he loves me and never meant to hurt me and that he wants to do whatever it take to make our marriage work. I feel the same way, I love him and want to make our marriage work, but sometimes I am so confused and hurt and angry all at the same time. We have talked alot in the past few weeks about the affair and he has anwered my questions...but it still doiesn't make sense. Maybe it never will. I go through periods of time when I feel like I have to know everything about their affair...but then I think to what end? It won't make me feel any less hurt or betrayed. I know we drifted apart but I didn't think things were that bad. I have apologized for whatever I did to contribute to our marriage problems, but told him the affair was his responsibilty, he never told me he was unhappy, never gave me a chance to work on it. I remember when I first suspected something was going on. He just dissapeared for an entire weekend and had everyone worried, including his parents. When he showed up Sunday evening, he acted like what is the big deal and couldn't seem to understand why I was so upset. I told him it was the meanest thing anyone had ever done to me and he still didn't get it. I even asked him if he was having an affair, an idea that seemed crazy at hte time, but he just looked at me like I was crazy. Hindsight! Anyway over the next few years, this pattern repeated itself, sometimes he would calll and say he was fishing or going to his folks and sometimes I didn't have a clue as to where he was. This last year has been awful, I have been so depressed and have tried talking to him about us, and how unhappy we both were, but I just never could get through. Finally 2 weeks before D-Day, I told him that it was clear to me he had no desire to fix what was wrong and that I was somehow going to have to find a way to come to terms with it. I told him that I was very depressed and lonely and that I needed to see a counselor. He held me and said he was sorry, and didn't know how unhappy I was and that we needed to spend more time together. That lasted for 1 day and things returned to what had become normal for us. Then we had a string of company, starting on the 28th of July and lasting until the 5th of August. It was all his family too! In the middle of it, Friday the 1st, he left to 'play golf' and was gone for 5 days! Leaving me with his family and not having a clue as to were he was. I was ready to die, then he called me Tuesday the5th and said we need to talk. That is when he dropped the bombshell. Things are going as well as can be expected, we are both commited to making a go of our marriage and making each other happy, but I haven't told anyone and sometimes I feel so alone. Maybe having someone to talk to here would help. Any advice or questions? This is probably a difficult letter to follow, my emotions are all over the place.
