Thank you! Thank you! And Thank you!
You have put smile back on my face <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Don't know what am I going to do without your support these past few weeks. Probably going bananas! Thank God I found this board…

And I just order two books to further my reading: Divorce Busting: A Step-By-Step Approach and Surviving an Affair. I need all the help I could get to win this WAR!

Yes!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

And those are good books, I haven't read them, but have read passages from them here. Good choices!!!

I go in for surgery in morning, but will be home tomorrow night. I'm having a fibroid removed off of my uterus (endometrium lining). I hear it's a pretty fast recovery, I hope <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Sweet dreams to you and children!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Dear Ladysheep:

Wishing you a fast recovery! Get well soon….

Hi DD,

How are you and children doing today?

Wow, I feel good, considering!! Got home about 1pm today, vacuumed the house, and I still feel good.
The meds I'm sure are still numbing the pain,
only feel a little soreness in uterine area.
A little sore throat from the tube that was put
there, but thats it.
It was a breeze. I see Dr. in 2 weeks for
follow-up. Tissues being tested, I will find
out then about that. Dr. told my husband he got all of the fibroid out that he could. And hopefully it don't grow back. Beats having hysterectomy though. I couldn't handle that.

I'm not supposed to carry the baby, but I don't think that is possible. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hope you had a great day!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Dear Ladysheep:

Never give up hope! I have the same condition. I guess that is very common among women over age 30. I had a miscarriage in Oct 1999 because of fibroid, and unexpected got pregnant again in Jan 2000. My Ob/Gyn was very nerves at that time. But the fibroid kind of disappeared because I was carry twins. There was no room for it.

My sister-in-law has the same thing. She just had hers removed in May and she is receiving some kind of shot once a month for six months. And her doctor told her December would be the best month to get pregnant. We are all looking forward to that.

I visit babycenter website very frequent during my twin pregnancy. They have wonderful information. There is the link for the fibroid. You might want to take a look:
http://bbs.babycenter.com/board/preconception/fertilityproblems/1202067

We are doing fine today. I have to call my husband yesterday because my kids need to talk to their dad. My daughter got accepted into AP Algebra class yesterday and she was so exited and had to tell her dad. The school district office invited the top 3% of the six grader from all elementary schools in the district to take the placement test for this special class. They only take 35 kids, and she got in with high score.

One thing I am blessed is to have four wonderful, healthy, and smart kids. And one of these days will be your turn too. So never give up!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi DD,

Wow, I didn't know you had the same problem. I have 3 children, 18yr girl, 13yr boy, and 1yr boy. I just meant I'm not supposed to carry Babysheep around the house or anywhere, but that is kind of hard, he's my baby and I have to carry him!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
He'll cry if I don't. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> And so will I. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I had fibroids when I was carrying Babysheep too, but they disappeared during pregnancy, and everything went fine. Then this one fibroid reappeared 3 months ago and made me bleed constantly. I felt like the woman with the issue of blood, that's spoke about in the bible. Thank God it's healed. I wonder if that was what she had too????

Oh Gosh, I hope your sister-in-laws fibroid goes away. It's so heartbreaking when fibroids get in the way of having children, and wanting to have them so desperately. I am so thankful for
what Dr's can do now days to help, without giving hysterectomy's. I know there is hope for your sister-in-law!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

And a BIG CONGRATULATIONS to your daughter. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> She must be very very smart!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Goodness the children get smarter and smarter all the time don't they. The things they study in school now amazes me.

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Oh I forgot to ask you a question.

Why does it seem Chinese people are so smart. I mean I'm serious!!! Is it something you eat??
Really, you are. There has to be a reason why your brains work and learn better than the average American.

Do you know why????

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention almost all Chinese children in our schools are all honor roll students. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
There has to be a reason!!!

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

It is because they have smart parents! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Just kidding!

I think it is because Chinese parents put lots of pressure on the kids and they are expected to do well in school. And our kids do lots more practice than their classmate. We are very selected to which public school they should attend. Both of my older kids go to school in other district because the school is better. And they also go to a very good after school care program where they have additional math, reading, spelling, and Chinese classes. So they are ahead of their classmate in some area of study. The only thing I could not do anything about it is their writing skill because of the language barrier.

My daughter wants to be a Pediatrician. That is her goal and I am just trying my best helping her to achieve it. But one thing very important is that my kids have to do what ever I tell them to do because they have no choice. I am very firm on anything related to academic. My kids always tell me “Mommy, you are so bossy!” And I said, “Well, too bad”.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Good Morning DD <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

How are you and children doing today?

I took a little break from everything yesterday.
I'm still feeling good. Husband says I still need to rest a few days.

You must be a busy momma, and it sounds like your
children are doing so well in school. You must be so proud of them. It must be something they eat!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
My daughter wanted to be a peditrician when she
was little too. She is 18 and works in company making various products, like basketball hoops,
picnic tables, all kinds of things. Then the products are sold to stores all over the US.
She told me a lot of the products that are sold in Walmart, they make. She makes real good money for her age. She tried getting into college to become a medical assistant, but couldn't because she has to be a resident in the state she lives for 2 yrs first. She has only lived there since March. She will have to wait on that.

My Son 13, has ADD, so he has struggled in school quite a bit. He never gives up thank God!! He wants to be a professional basketball player. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> He truly has been gifted at basketball. I tell him he has to study hard, extra hard!!

Have you recieved your books yet? Is H trying to contact you? Are you still keeping the
no contact. I hope you are feeling well.

Have a wonderful day!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

(((hugs))),

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Hi DD,

How are you? Thinking of you!!!

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Hi Ladysheep:

I am doing ok! I try to block my mind off from thinking too much. The kids keep me busy. I went to see Dr. Matlock on Friday and have tentatively scheduled the operation on next week Sunday if I could have the funds available by that time. It’s going to cost $5,500 out of pocket expenses. I am still working on it.

My son had soccer game every Saturday, so our weekend is usually very busy. I took the kids to Hollywood Bowl tonight to listen to Hollywood Bowl Orchestra and watch The Peking Acrobats and Fireworks Finale – Treasures of China. The twins behave better than I expected. We got home at 1:00 am. The program is really good. We all enjoy very much.

My son has ADHD also. He is doing ok in school. He is very smart, but it does not reflect on his grade at school. However, he has very high SAT 9 and CAT 6 score, even higher than my daughter. I am planning to take him to UCLA Med Center to do some testing to see what we could do to help him. I think his EQ (emotional IQ) is not very high and I also think he needs help on his social skill.

I got the books on Friday and will try to read them during weekends. It is very difficult to stay NC with my husband because I live with his parents also. But I try to limit my personal contact to the minimum. I think it will take some time for him to notice. He doesn’t even notice I turn off the instant massager yet. He will just send me an email if he needs me to do something. I am still trying to figure out what is the best way to deal with him. I create another title “Cerri – any suggestion? Plan A/B or 180?” But so far no answer from her yet. Hopefully, she could give me some suggestion, too.

How are you doing? Eat plenty of chicken soup. It will help with your recovery.

Hi DD,

It looks like Cerri is a very busy woman. I hope she responds soon too.

I found something last night that stunned me, and I thought it would be perfect for you and your husband. It's about maturbation, when you
have to be away from your spouse for a time.
This is healthy maturbation!!

***When a couple must be seperated for a few days or longer, masturbation is an excellent way of dealing with sexual tension that can build up. This is something a couple needs to have a very open and honest talk about so there are no secrets. Give your spouse the permission to masturbate when you can't be there for them.
Better yet...it says....encourage it.

* Like the man who went to bed the first night of his wifes womens retreat to find on his pillow a hand towel, a tube of lubricant and a note that said "Think of me."

* or the woman who finds a gift wrapped sex toy from her traveling husband.

* Use the phone or computer to join them for phone or cyber sex.

* Send your spouse off w/ a sexy photo of yourself, an erotic story about the two of
you or a sexy pair of undies to remind him of
you.

How does this sound??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Do you think you could do it??? How about sending him a nice
gift package through the mail...Blow his mind <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Of course send the package the fastest way possible <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Overnight Express <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . With a love
note attached <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

What do you think?

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

The Marriage Bed

Hi ladysheep:

This won't work. But thank you for thinking of me. My husband does not need my permission to masturbate. And I already know what he would say "Why masturbate when I could have the real thing?"

I talked to him yesterday. The girl is still out of town and he questioned me about the msn messager. I told him I was advised to turn it off. I could tell he is not happy about it. So I wrote him a email like this....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Hope you are not mad at me...the advise came from a non-family member...it was also the conclusion I had after reading so many books and articles...

You want a single life there...so...
I am respecting your wishes and are trying not to bother you too much
Because this is what you really want..
I need to face the reality, accept it and cope with it.
turning off msn is just one way forcing me to give you the space you need
take good care of yourself and don't worry about me...just need to adjust my mind and my thinking</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hope this will get him start thinking...

Hi DD,

I guess you know best what he will accept or not.

I think that was a good 180/plan B letter. And I hope it will get him thinking also.

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Hi DD,

Just wanted to chime in and say that I am sorry for what you are going through. I think your H is being a typical wayward husband, much of what he says is fog speak.

One thing these WH will do is set up conditions that favor what they want... so in their mind, they will say to the BS, I want to go off and play around, wait for me until I get back, I will let you know who I am going to pick... then they wait to see if their wife will go along with their crazy ideas. (Believe me, I know this from my own experience).

It is up to the BS to say, wait a minute, hold on fella, I don't accept your conditions. The BS has to do this carefully because you don't want to make it so your husband has no way to come back. But on the other hand, you can't give in and accept his conditions.

How would your H like it if you said, fine, while you are playing in China, I'm going to have some fun for myself here at home- there's a cute guy that wants to have some passionate sex with me. Don't worry, I won't get attached, it's all in fun, and the romance is an ego boost.

He is selfish- hurting you, hurting this girl. He is risking an unplanned pregnancy and even diseases. Believe me this Chinese girl is desperate and will do anything to get your H for herself. She no doubt has dreams that this nice US citizen will give her children, provide a nice life for her. Your husband may claim he will be careful but no method of protection (except vasectomy) is foolproof, it is easy to decide not to wear a condom in the heat of passion.

Believe me, in your H's dreamworld he will spin a cobweb of confusion to make you think his actions are justified... It's our culture... it's only for fun... it's just for a short time... I'll give it up soon... It won't hurt our family... etc etc etc. B#$L S@!T!

When is he planning on coming back from China? Does he have a fixed date? What is he doing over there anywhere? Is this a vague project that could go on indefinitely as he plays around or is it for a specific period of time?

Yes, going dark on him is a good strategy. Get yourself strong. Take care of yourself financially and line up all your weapons. Make sure that if he never comes back, you can stand on your own two feet.

I suspect when he realizes he will lose it all, he will come back. Right now he thinks he can have it all, you and the kids waiting at home for Daddy, and his sweet young thing going crazy for him in China.

Don't ever believe anything this Chinese girl tells you and only talk to her to throw her off balance. For example, confide in her your money worries, how H doesn't make any $$$, you have to live with inlaws to save money etc. Always remember she is your enemy. For that reason speak softly to her and pretend to be nice.

One tactic to think about is getting your own place. I am sure your H feels EXTRA secure about his wife knowing he has you safely tucked away with his parents.

Your tactic of saying you are giving him his freedom is good. And always layer in subtle shades of what the consequences are.

example- OW is such a sweet young girl, she really seems to be in love with you and is dreaming of a family with you...

oops I have more to say but one of my kids is up. will try to post later. Best wishes...

OK I'm back.

so you talk about OW- always sweetly and nicely, how she is dreaming of having his children etc. He will of course deny this. And you can say, well I am sure it is tempting for you, you can have a wonderful new life with her, a new family in China.

He will deny, deny. He will say it isn't serious. And you reply- it seems to me it is very serious. After all, you are ready to risk me filing for divorce immediately, to have this relationship with this girl. She is so important he had to call her everyday, even though it caused you pain.

Keep creating a picture in his mind of what that reality will be like. As far as you go, your position is- YOU are my husband, I love you, and you are irreplaceable to me and our children.

One of the things I would tell my H was, Right now though you are a liar and a cheater. I know that is not the person you are, the H I know. I can not allow you to debase yourself that way, lying and cheating, even if it means you go on to a life with OW.

Another point you always must make is that if he leaves for OW, you will be broken hearted. But you will go on as best you can, and hold your head high. He should not expect to be your friend, since you have to rip him out of your heart.

I know he will deny, deny that he will ever leave for OW. That is BS. He wants to keep this thing going as long as he can, and the longer it goes on, the greater the chance that he will decide he can not give her up. The more addicted to her he will become.

That said, there are some reasons to let it play out, so your H can see that it isn't as great as he thought. You will have to feel your way around.

Thank you for all of your input. The information is very helpful. I have to fight with myself everyday not to contact him. Last time when I talked with him, he mentioned something like “it is nice to be alone again”. I asked him about the girl, and he said he think that she is still out of town. I did not ask him if he has been talking to her or not these past two weeks. I don’t know if I should call the girl up to see how she is doing in the new city and hopefully will get some more info from her side. But if I call, I think she will call my husband and let him know I call, just like the first time. What do you think?

I am going ahead with the surgery on Sunday without his knowledge. It will be a big surprise to him when he returns this time.

Hi everyone:

Just a quick note to let everyone know I am still doing OK. The link with Cerri finally took off, and I will try my best to post on both links. Hope you all have a nice weekend.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi DD

He mentioned, "it's nice to be alone again."
What did he mean by this? Did he mean that it's nice to be alone w/out you and the children?

Why are you getting the surgeries?

Sent with Love, Ladysheep