One shock after another
1. H asks to leave after 26 yrs just because
2. I wake up from a yr or so depression
Start treating him like a husband again.
3. Four weeks I have been a new person he says
(I woke up)
And how could I do that to him.
4. After being a new woman for four weeks and
having the best sex more and better then in
our whole marriage.
5. H wakes up and says he loves someone else.
6. Now I am in SHOCK I could die and it would
be better then this (just words)
7. So now we lock ourselfs up for two days alone
in the house crying - talking - sex
8. It has been four days now and I am getting
calmer the wheels are turning again.
9. H wants to work on our marriage and has hard
and painfull as it is he will give up his
new OW.
10. So now I want her name and details have to
drag this out . I explain I can not heal
unless I know . He gave me sad story.
11. I have ideal it is someone else.
So I check his cell phone sure enough
her number is there four times.
12. Now when I confront him (he gets angry)
And gives me another story. So now I have
two different stories.And none admitting
to the woman on the cell phone (because
I know her)

PLEASE tell me how do I get tru this and
how do I get him to tell me the WHOLE truth ??

Dogg1, Welcome and I’m sorry you have to be here. Please read this entire site. On the board, check out Cerri’s thread here, especially her tag lines. Also visit Emotional Needs and the threads for newcomers. It will answer a lot of your questions.

First, the Wandering Spouse (WS) is unlikely to come clean for a while. Sorry but radical honesty usually only comes in a safe environment. Also, if you’ve been depressed for a year, your H is probably incredibly confused. You were unable to meet his needs for a long time. And probably for even before you realized you were depressed.

The good news is this does not mean the end of the marriage. It doesn’t even necessarily mean your husband doesn’t love you. Ignore those comments. Whatever he has for the OW is probably fleeting once you are whole again, and avoid LBs and meet emotional needs. The fact that you two have had sex is a very good sign, in my book.

Read all about Plan A. And I would suggest you find a marriage coach. Cerri is one, or one of the Harleys.

On another note, it really is like waking up, isn’t it? I’ve been there, done that. And more times than I care to imagine. For me the waking is usually gradual, like gently coming out of a deep sleep.

I recently had an affair. i told my husband not because I thought i would get caught but because it was eating me up inside and I wanted to be honest with him. He asked me lots of questions that i didnt want to answer. I had to answer questions like who, what positions, did he last long,etc. I hated to talk about it because I was ashamed but I know that in order for my husband to forgive me and start to heal he had to know everything. Tell your husband that you need to have a marriage with no secrets even little things need to be out in the open. I think untill it is all on the table you cant begin to rebuild your marriage.

My H lied about who it was and told different stories even though he knew I was hot on his trail (looking at the cell phone bills, etc.). When I finally found the person and called her, he still denied. Said the girl I talked to was lying?????? It's amazing how far they will go and how they do not realize they sound like children with the hand caught in the cookie jar.

He'll eventually come around. Just don't call OW and start bashing her. She might be the type that bashes you back and tells you things you do not need to hear and, of course, lie.

You do need to have your H do a NC letter, though.

Hi Dogg,

I just joioned because I am a hubby who has just cheated and lied when confronted, and wife found out the next day. She is enraged, sickened about what I did, but the lying is her weakness - I don't know if she will ever have me back because I lied to her.

Yesterday, she sent me an email and asked me to come clean about everything...no lies...and I did. It was a huge help. Maybe you could try the same - having the time to think things through and not having my wife staring at me while I wrote the truths was a gift.

I started each line by saying "i was too much of a coward to tell you...", (and I came clean).

I finished off by a list of items starting with "the truth is that..."

She is thankful that I did this. I do not know if she will ever take me back, but we will be going to counselling, I will be reading surviving the affair and I will be working no my ability to be brave and tell the truth.

hope this helps.