My wife is an alcoholic and she was addicted to vicodine.She started going to AA and for about 1.5 months she was going every day but wouldn,t get home till late at night because i go to work 3 to 4 nights a week i get up at 1 am she would try and be home before i woke up but i woke up early and she would not be home she tells me she goes and plays cards but i found out she has been sharing rides with another man and staying out with him.I found a christmas card from him to her that read i only find women who can,t get over thier past and if you can,t get over your past how can we have a relationship or future together i care about you deeply love and his name.Before i found the letter she admitted that they were friends but nothing happened but before i found the letter we got into an aegument because she was drunk and she left and went to his house she grabbed some cloths and left she came back the next morning and we made up but he latter dropped her cloths off on my porch and in the bag was her neglige she tells me she grabbed it by accident and nothing happened i have a hard time balieving her.She also told me she was going to tell me about the christmas card because he wanted to be more then friends.But she new this to begine with and still rode to AA with him and confided in him.What should i balieve i think somthing happened but she denies it.I didn,t think she would do this to me. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Hello,

From what you have written I would think you would have to be in big time denial to not believe she was cheating on you. How could you not believe it? Look at all of the proof you have.
If the roles were reversed do you think your wife would believe that you were not having an affair.
I would strongly suggest that you refrain from sex until she gets checked for STD's. The bottom line it that she has been seeing another man late at night while you were working and lying to you about it, gets drunk and spends time with him late at night, write serious messages to him, and gets into a fight with you and brings special clothing to go stay with him at his place for the night. Again you would have to be blind not to realize she has been cheating on you. This is just my opinion and I wish you luck.

I agree with Bryan. Her behavior from what you have posted strongly indicates at minimum an EA if not a PA. Do what you need to do to find out and then read up on the site for suggestions on how to work through this.

Good luck and God Bless!

I'm so sorry, but going to be completely blunt here! I'd question if she was even going to meetings of AA. While I am sure there are some which have meetings everyday...since she was still drinking, I don't see her going each day. JMHO

I think she was using her AA "meetings" as the excuse to have an affair and continue drinking.

The night she gets drunk and leaves....where does she go...to a male "friends" home. Not a hotel, not a female friend, not a family member.

As long as she is drinking, you can't trust anything that comes out of her mouth. It is an illness...and until she wakes up and stops abusing herself in this manner she doesn't have the thought processes to look at her life with a clear eye. She's lying about drinking or the wanting to stop drinking...and what's one more lie???

Seek out some counseling for yourself. Join Al-Anon, talk to your family doctor, talk to your family if they will be supportive and non-judgemental. You find some help for YOU! You can NOT control what she does.

Good Luck!