A question from Sams wife:

Can I ask you all something? Do you really trust the advice you get from these postings? How do you know that the other person/s means to help you? I suggest that you don't rely solely on the suggestions you get from the internet, but that you seek professional help. Afterall this is your life. If you needed medical help would you get it from the net? Or would you go to a doctor? Then why do you trust your emotional health in the hands of amateur psychologists?

Martha

I think lots of folks here just want to know what they are feeling or going through has happened to others and they found there way. That there is hope and light at the end of the painful tunnel they have traveled through.

For me it is nice to know that others have had the feelings/emotions I have in regards to my situation. That what I am feeling is NORMAL and I will make it through just as they have in their own way.

The individuals that post on this site don't claim to be anything but people trying to survive infidelity. There are a lot of people here who have lived through much hell and have learned a lot. I think people come here looking for answers and more times than not counseling is suggested for pretty much every one. When going through the last year I was offered much advice from friends and family that hadn't the foggiest idea how I was feeling. People here do. People here give advice based on their experience.

Would you knock AA, SA, or NA. not to many professionals there with unless you count the professional addicts. This site is what it says. A bunch of people using, a solid foundation to restore and recover marriages that are doomed to fail with out help quick. Counseling is wonderful...I go every week. I pay $80 an hour but I love it. I come here for free. Sometimes you get what you pay for, most of the time you get a gift that helps more than anything a counselor could say to you. "I've been there, it gets easier" or "Be patient", "take a walk" or "I'm praying for you." This isn't just a bunch of people typing a way to see it on the screen. It is a community of indiviuals coming together to help one another, comfort one another and show a little bit compassion.

That is what this site has, experience. This site is a kin to a buffet. There is a bunch offered but you don't have to eat it all. But that is just my opinion.

Doug, PsyD (A)

<small>[ August 28, 2003, 02:29 PM: Message edited by: d_rose ]</small>

Well for me this and in particular another site has kept me from totally losing it!
A lot of people can't afford therapy or are embarrased to go to a therapist so they come here.
I think these sights have opened up a lot of peoples hearts and also their communication.
I would never have thought that my wife would participate in posting and chatting at infidelity sites.....but she is very active and has helped her become a VERY REMORSEFUL SPOUSE.
I am encouraged by the success stories and support that some of these boards give both sides and find that they are an important part of healing
JMHO
B

AND

If you read enough here, you will note that when things kinda get out of hand sometimes, there is always someone there to remind us that this IS A MARRIAGE BUILDING WEB SITE.... not all counselors have marriage building in mind. You will also see us tell people that if a counselor is so ready to have you divorce, that maybe you should get a second opinion.

Most of us here are all about letting each other know that we here to lend an ear and let you vent AND to put a perspective on things. Sometimes a BS/WS hears things in a negative way and we try to put a positive spin on it or try to urge them to communicate better.

This really is a good place. You can visit others and you will notice that you will not find another place where so many people really are wanting to help you STAY in your marriage and learn and grow to build a better marriage.

I like it here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Do you really trust the advice you get from these postings?
It's just that, "advice". It's not something anyone is required to do anything with.
However, most here have been through similar situations and are able to empathize/sympathize with someone who posts and give "advice" based on what has happened.

If you needed medical help would you get it from the net?
Absolutely! I should trust a Dr. simply because he has a title in his name?
I would certainly look up some info on the medical condition.

Then why do you trust your emotional health in the hands of amateur psychologists?
Who says anyone is trusting anything to these forum posters? What's wrong with asking a few questions?

What did/do you expect to get from this website?

<small>[ August 28, 2003, 05:17 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

I also think this is a great place to discuss concerns, fears, emotions, successes, etc. But, the forums are only a legit source of therapy in the sense that they are like a support group. People need to make sure they know the difference between therapy and advice from non-professionals. Many people here become self-proclaimed professionls at MB concepts. That's nice and fine, but that doesn't make them a professional.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A lot of people can't afford therapy or are embarrased to go to a therapist so they come here.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And this is where the MB forums become a problem. Not having enough money or being too embarrassed to go to a therapist is not a good reason to come to a forum for advice. The actual concepts are great to learn and work with, but this is not a substitute for real therapy.
Something that most people don't realize until they have successful therapy is that it is not about giving advice. It is about guiding the patient to realize what they need to do. A therapist's advice is not too much better than the advice that solid MBers can give. Concepts can be rather general (which makes this forum useful), but advice can't always be that way...everyone is different, different FOO, different POV, different experiences, different passions, etc. A therapist has the training to get you to look yourself in the mirror and understand what and how YOU need to change. Some people do that here which is nice to see. I'm fairly confident that lots of people would be no more likely to adhere to a therapist's advice than the advice that someone here gives if it's not the advice they want to hear or think is not right for them. Again, professional therapy is not about getting/giving advice...I'm sure most people here realize that. I think it's the people who are scared of therapy that never truly understand it. Others who go to therapy and think it's bogus usually get frustrated with the language therapists use to help them see themselves. A lot of it sounds silly...the words. But, you realize it is so much more when you can finally truly look in the mirror.

Just my 2 pennies. (unfortunately, those 2 pennies aren't enough to afford therapy...sometimes you have to make sacrifices <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> )

Smile

I've said it before and I will say it again...it is not therapy, it is "community"

It is not advice, it is case history, told in the "first person."

Bible is written in "testaments"...these are testimony.

And some of the folks I've learned a great deal from...are the ones that say something so askew that I think..."Heck I sure don't wanna sound like that!"

Best way to use this board is follow the patterns...what works, what doesn't.

Speaking only for myself,

Out of all the so-called professionals I have ever encountered in the field of counseling, there is only one who I would trust with my marriage. One out of about twenty or so.

I use the phrase "so-called" because I personally feel it takes a lot more than a degree to make anyone a true professional. Like the old saying goes, what do you call the guy who graduates at the bottom of his class at medical school? The answer is, of course, Doctor. But does that mean he is a good doctor? Not necessarily.

What I have found on these boards is a whole lot of people who are experiencing different facets of the same hell I'm in. Another old saying tells us that experience is the best teacher.

And since I'm on old sayings, I throw in this one too; the wise man is he who can learn from the experiences of others.

Like anything I read, I take from here what I can use and what is helpful to me, and I disregard the rest.

I have found the majority of people here to be genuine, open-minded, compassionate and caring.

Just a perspective...

Jake.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Then why do you trust your emotional health in the hands of amateur psychologists?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Achinus,
I don't come here for therapy. I come here to bounce ideas and thoughts with caring people who've learned something about infidelity and its consequences.

I certainly don't 'trust my emotional health' in the hands of my fellow MB members.

If someone is struggling with an issue to the extent that it affects their life and functioning, I hope they have enough good sense and foresight to seek individual counseling. And if they don't , I hope someone in their life directs them to a counselor/MD.

I've found MB to be a tremendous help in dealing with my 'issues' surrounding my divorce, and my desire for restoration.

We're coming here as we wish to help each other, and learn something from each other. I feel this is better than bombarding my friends and family with my woes constantly. Many people are ill-equipped to deal with the issue of infidelity and marital strife. Here we get an unbiased, objective opinion. I think it's very helpful.

Finally, instead of dealing with counselors who are often in favor of ending a relationship, we're dealing with MARRIAGE BUILDING here . We get advice here, but we can choose whether to take it or leave it.

I'm happy to say that after a year of getting 'advice' here, I'm seeing some progress in reconciling with my husband. If I'd listened to well-meaning friends and relatives, I doubt I'd be in this position at all. (Most people who've not been through this say , "MOVE ON.")

Take care,
Hopeful_Person

It wouldn't suprise me if ashincus wasn't a spouse immersed in some type of fog-like phenomenae.

I wonder who's S it is?