I have been married for 13 years. I had a loving wife and 2 children. My wife recently told me she was having an affair and she was pregnant as a result. She had an abortion (although I did not want her to). She has quit seeing him, and says she wants us to try to work it out. I am all for that as I do not want to lose my family. How evr she wants us to seperate for a month or two. I am not so sure this is a good idea but I dont know. What do you think.

I think your wife has a lot of nerve to ask you to leave for a while. After what she did to you I would suggest if someone should leave it should be her. I would strongly suggest that you inform the OM's wife as soon as possible. Your wife cheats on you, has unprotected sex that puts your health at risk, gets pregnant, has an abortion against your request not to and tells you she wants to rebuild the marriage but you should go live somewhere else for a while? What is wrong with this picture? Something does not sound right here. Are you sure she is still not seeing the OM?
If she wants a separation then let her leave. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. I think it is very hurtful for her to demand a separation and say she wants to work on the marriage at the same time. I think you need therapy to understand and deal with what you have just gone through. Again something does not sound right here. I wish you luck.

The reason for wanting to separate could be that your wife is either still having an affair or feels that she needs to be alone to get over the OM. I would suggest that both of you go for MC and address this issue. I think you need to get more information before agreeing to anything.

<small>[ August 31, 2003, 08:04 PM: Message edited by: tomaz ]</small>

The prefered path for recovering from an affiar that has ended does not include a seperation. Click on the link in my signature line to learn more about the path to recovery.

BAD IDEA.

WS's who want to be apart from the BS better have a darned good reason. It is not fair to you or the children for her to take off and not fair to ask you to take off.

She is fortunate - you know you WANT to forgive her and are willing to try.

Counseling and coming here are both great ideas. Focus on taking care of yourself, you have a rollercoaster ahead and will need to watch things like sleeping, drinking... be smart and get to a counselor soonest.

She is not seeing him anymore, that I am pretty sure of. She is staying at home with our kids and I am staying with my cousin that lives several miles away. I think the biggest issue is about the abortion, at least with her right now. The OM convinced her to do it. And we are starting couselling after 2 weeks from now. But the Seperation does seem to be helping some. It seems we are starting to be able to talk some now. Before when I would ask her to talk to me she would flat out say " There is notheing to talk about", now she is telling me "I dont know what to say yet". Some things seem to be improving. I met with her yesterday and we are still going to work it out and I was able to make her laugh so maybe this will work.

Since your now out of the house I would spend as much time with your wife as possiable. Build on your revocery and Plan A.

I don't want to stir the pot but look at what's happening. Your wife did some very bad things. However you move out to be supportive but guess what the kids are also lossing something with you not being there. There DAD full time.

Now I'm not a doctor so before you think to much about what I'm about to say ask a professional.

If I was a child and one of my parents left (dad) I would assume that "daddy" did something wrong or I as a child did something wrong.

Becuase in a childs world those who are bad get punished and often have to go away or lose somthing.

Child acts up at the table - go to your room for a time out.

Child losses daddy may think I did something wrong.

Now I'm not saying your not thinking of the children just thought I would bring this up.

pl,
something about your post struck me as dreadfully wrong. your wife had an abortion because the OM convinced her that it was the correct thing to do? and she did it,...for him!? hummm.

let's look at the potential motives that might take this very telling fact into accouint.

1. she would have had the baby had he not "helped her decide not to", but would she have told you that it wasn't your child do you think?

2. she made this decision in consultation with the OM instead of with you, her H. and why did she decide to abort the baby? because she didn't want to have it or thought you might not be able to accept it ORRRR, because the OM demanded it as a price for his continued association with her? hummm.

3. she is emotionally suffering from having done it and is confused...but about what? what she did (the abortion) and the right and wrongs of the issue? her relationship with the OM? the status of her marriage? I vote NO to the last option. i don't believe that at this point your W gives a rats @ss about her marriage or you.

in fact, it sounds to me as if your wife is suffering with her dissalutionment with the OM and is trying to decide if she can forgive him...so she can continue her affair! hows that?

further, what makes you think that they are not still seeing each other? because she told you so?! my friend i'm sorry to tell you this but your W is a cheater and cheaters lie...and they lie very, very well indead!

if i were you i would move right back in and do it right away. and if she doesn't like it then it's just to bad. she has lost the right to tell you how she intends to deal with this issue. she has no right to make this kind of decision on her own. if she can't live with you then it's up to her to make other arrangements.

one last thing. has she sent her soul mate a no contact letter? if not why not? sorry but this thing smells.

coach