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#43564 12/19/99 10:48 PM
Joined: Nov 1999
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The other side of taking a cruise is avoiding the pitfalls. We found the featured shows were nothing but half naked dancers showing off their a**es. They even did this at the kid's Christmas show which really annoyed me. The other pitfall were all the bikini clad women on the sundeck.<P>Now, neither has much effect on me, as I don't have a lesbian bone in my body, but it really triggers my h. I'm glad he was honest, and we avoided both the rest of the trip. But I did want to go out in the sun. So I wished I had a more "normal" guy who could lie in the sun with me without his thoughts tripping over every young girl. But maybe this is "normal" for a guy. Any thoughts? And avoidance is the only way. You can only run from this type of addiction. But I worry - even if I am doing a great job meeting his needs, and I DO look great in a bikini myself, this is one sin he will always be more prone to.

#43565 12/20/99 10:26 AM
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Not one reply about the nature of males??? How about from the guys??? I really want to know if there are any males who can sunbathe in peace in the midst of nice looking bodies???

#43566 12/20/99 11:05 AM
Joined: Sep 1999
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OK, flame me if you must ladies, but you want the truth, right?<P>There is just <B>nothing</B> as beautiful as a woman's body... so I look. I try not to, but I do. I suppose this is true for most men. And you are right schizzo, avoidance is the best solution.

#43567 12/20/99 12:45 PM
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Men are wired (thats wired not weird) to be attracted visually to the female form. That is why we look. Looking is not the problem it is our thoughts about what we see. <P>A glance is one thing a long lingering look is another. If your H has a problem with his mind instantly going to inappropriate thoughts then he may need to be real careful of the situations he allows himeself to be in. <BR>

#43568 12/21/99 01:55 AM
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Mudder, I understand the wired thing very well. And he has had good success in the past in not taking the lingering look. But I guess giving in to sin in a big way as he did set him back a long way. Like an alcoholic who suddenly goes back to drinking for 18 months. It seems he has to start way back again.<P>And then I'm not sure if I want him to be so open, but I also don't want him to bottle it up. But at one point he asked if I was sure we couldn't have a threesome and I easily figured out what girl he had in mind. So I said yes but the 3rd would be a guy and chose a muscly black guy. And yet we both know this would destroy our relationship and is wrong ( and I don't want it).

#43569 12/21/99 09:03 PM
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schizzo, my w has always fussed at me for looking at other girls. i'm probably worse than your h in this regards. i used to point out exceptional attributes. i wanted my w to share my appreciate of what i like. she eventually trained me to keep my thoughts to myself. i still have to practice discepline to keep from making observations. i sometimes try to not look back over my shoulder to get that second look at something pretty. i feel i'm missing out on one of lifes' simple pleasures. something about the looking, somehow it's a little satisfying in itself. like getting ones' eye full. i think you have to accept your husbands' wondering eye. i know it bothers you but i doubt he will ever stop. you may train him to be more discreet, and perhapes he should, but he will always look and always want it. face it, most men want all the women anyway. every mans' dream is to be strained on a desserted (sp?) island, populated with many attrative women and be the only man there. of course it's just a dream, a fantasy, and wouldn't last or wouldn't be fun for long. i think most men would go for it until they learned it wasn't as much fun as they thought it would be.<BR>it aint pretty or fair but it the way it is.

#43570 12/21/99 09:41 PM
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H and I love to people watch. We even play a quiet game of rating them at the mall or in crowds (10 being best, as in "Ten" w/Bo Derek). <P>I've even been known to direct my H's attention TO a pretty woman if I think he might have missed her walking by. He does the same if a man I may find attractive is near. <P>I know when my H does that discrete, side peek and it doesn't bother me. Maybe that's the difference, I've rarely felt jealousy over his wandering eye so he must be doing it casually enough NOT to spark my jealousy.<P>What's the saying?--it doesn't hurt to window shop as long as you eat at home. (or is it buy at home--I don't know....)<P>Half-clad strangers don't bother me either. Because that's what they are--strangers.<P>My H is a bartender working at a strip club. Does that bother me? Yes, a little. Not that there's nude women up on a stage, but the fact that they are in actual contact with him during the course of his work evening. My territorial instincts arise if I think they are showing too much interest in H. How do I handle it? We talk about it, both expressing how we feel. We talk about it whenever needed. And I only go to the club often enough to check things out occasionally. Otherwise, I stay farrrrr away.


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