Hi,

I need help. It has been almost five months that my husband got fired because of a relationship with a co-worker. Even though he swears that he did not have any physical contact with her, he definitely had an emotional affair. I found out about the OW by snooping around the house (Ifound a note that he had written her) and by asking a former colleague of his, who at one time was his best friend. My husband broke off the friendship after he found out that he had told me the truth of why he got fired. Needless to say, my husband consistently lied about the EA; but admitted it after I found a receipt for $90.00 for roses that he purchased for her on Valentine's day. He also bought her a Valentine's Day card where he confessed his love to her. We have been on an emotional rollercoaster since then. He claims that he never wanted to have an affair with her and that he never stopped loving me. However, his actions spoke louder than his words. He has not had any contact with her since I found out. I have gone to counseling. He has refused. I have weeks when I don't think about the OW and what he did. However, there are days, like today, that everything comes back and I relive the experience all over again. Is this normal? How long does it take to completely get over something like this? Please help.

Hi sweetheart. What you are feeling is reasonable. It can take a long time to recover from this. Five months isn't long enough. You have had the earth taken out from under you feet when the person who has promised to be your life partner, who has pledged to forsake all others and love only you, has shown himself untrustworthy in doing that. It takes time and effort on both your parts to look at your relationship and his character and inward man, and to figure out what it is going to take to restore trust, and how he can go about making you feel safe and treasured again. Read all you can on this site and keep posting when you need support or have questions. There is really so much to learn in creating a really loving, honest relationship--doesn't come naturally to any of us, it seems. Take care.