My husband and I were married in Jan earlier this year. We have a young son. I discovered a long time ago that he had been having sexual encounters over the internet. With 3 big blow ups several months apart he vowed never to do it again. Three weeks ago I found an unfamiliar number on our home phone bill. I questioned him about it and he argued with me for not trusting him. After much prodding he came clean. He has been talking to a woman from ut of town for over a year via email and just recently started talking to her on the phone. I was away with our son visiting family for a week he took this opportunity to engage in phone sex as well an innocent discussion with this woman. After this discovery I began to question another trip out of town I took with the baby and what may have happened then. Upon discussion and his supposed efforts to be honest he told me that when I went away last time he had meet a local woman online in a sex chat room and proceeded to go to her house and have sex with her.

So that is what he has done. I know that our marriage is new and has been rocky. I accept that had I met more of his emaotional needs he may not have strayed. We start counselling on Thurs this week. But I realized in the middle of the night last night he is still up to his old tricks. He said he can't control it. But getting past my pain to try and fight for my marriage is too hard to have him just smack me in the face when he gets back on the net or calls this woman. No we are in GA and she is PA but has told him if it will help him decide who to choose she will come here to visit.

I have asked her to back off but she won't. I am at my wits end. I am a stay at home mom and am having trouble caring for my son because of the stress. I thought of going back to Canada at least for a visit so I can be surrounded by friends and family. But I am afraid if I go it will be a green light for him to cheat. At the same time he is doing it under my nose so what is the difference? I would appreciate some advice. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

BH

Good Morning BH, and welcome to MB.
You have found yourself in a very good place. MB is full of caring and compassionate poeple who are like you. Many here are the betrayed spouses (BS) who question daily how to go on w/ their marraiges. Many here are poeple who hae found themselves in recovery from affair(s) as BSs and/or WS( wandering spouses) and have been where you are. You are not alone. There is always hope.

How much of the Marraige Builders Concepts have you read?
If little or none, now is the time to go and read as much info that you can possible fit in.

No decisions have to be made today or tomorrow. As dire and immediate as you may feel right now, take a deep breath and read the MB concepts.

Breath, patience, breath some more. Cry, vent, breath.

Patience and knowledge are key.
And if you will, pray. We will be praying w/ you and for you.

xo
Hypatia

Welcome. Read the stuff here, but also read about sexual addiction. Sex addicts don’t have affairs because their emotional needs aren’t being met. They have affairs, one-nighters, phone sex, cybersex, and probably a lot of other stuff I can’t imagine, because of the adrenalin and endorphin rushes. Doing a better job of meeting their needs won’t stop the dangerous behavior.

Thank you all for your input. I have read this entire site and have all books on order. This site is 100% the reason I am still here with WH today.

Greengables - good insight on sex addict stuff I need to get him some help before I can even enter MC with him. He CANNOT stop the sex. And has tried to make advances on me when I was asleep and he was supposed to sleep on sofa. He has begun treating me like a whore. I know not what to do but would like him to go to a sex addicts 12 step program.

I'll keep you all posted

Thanks again

If he's treating you like a whore, he better be paying your worth.

Boundaries, kiddo. You don't have to put up with that. NO WAY.

Also check out Daisy37 posts about addiction in general on the EN board.

Good luck. And remember, you are not the problem here.