Hello all,
New here so here goes.. My wife and I have been married for 5 years. I am in computer technical work and have been in out of work for much of this time. We have 3 kids the oldest, is on she had at a young age but I have adopted. We met fell in love (or so I thought) quickly and she was pregnat with the other two (twins) before we were married. It is now 5 years later, and she has been telling me she don't think that I love her. She don't feel like her needs are being met? When we met she was very flirtatious and I thought it had stopped. I told her when we met I had been hurt in previous relationship from someone cheating on me, and that I don't wanna go through it ever again. I know I am controlling to an extent and I know i'm jelous(sic) also. I have fought hard to control my jelousy(sic) since I know for myself it is a bad thing. For the past 2 years I have controlled it, and I have let her flirty online go. We both play a online game. She will get with people males mainly online and talk about sexual things, not really bad just like flirting. Well 2 days ago, she woke me to go to work (I work nights) and she left to go to the store leaving her game open with the chat log there. I sat down smoking a cigarette, waking up, and started to scroll the log. At the time I wasn't being nosy just looking to see how things had been going in game since I also play. When I noticed a guy who lives a couple states over in the marines, is talking to her as if they where dating in real life. On the game you don't use your real name but he knew her real name, further in there talk I found out they have been talking to each other while I was at work. I honestly don't know how far or what they have done but they seem pretty serious. I confronted her about it and all she would say is sorry and that she has been telling me for 2 years she is not happy. She told me I was a failure as a man for
1. Not providing financially for the family
2. For not being "involved" as a father
3. For not meeting her needs

She has completely made me feel as tho everything is my fault. We discussed divorce and we both agreed not to, and to try to save the marriage. The problem is I feel as tho she only agreed to try to save it because she has no where to go, and no money as I am the only one that works. She could go move in with her best friend a state away but don't think she really wants to. They are friends but probably wouldn't live well together. she says I have to fix these problems, that I am the reason she is talking to this guy. She knows it hurts me that she is still talking to him in game and she still is. Maybe not sexual and such but still. I wanna destroy the computer because of this, I am hurting so bad, more then I have ever hurt before. I love her dearly and tell her everyday, I make sure to tell her. I try to spend time with her but I work 50 hours a week at night and she stays up all night playing this game. I have now given the game up and she has refused to. Said it isn't the game, so why give it up?

Am I over reacting I don't know, I just know it hurts. This is a pain I have never had to deal with before and have had thoughts that death would be even better, tho no i'm not going to kill myself.

Sorry that is long and ranting just wanted to get it out, if anyone has any comments please let me know. I don't know what to do, how to "Fix" her and to be honest I don't know if she is fixable. I believe in marriage for ever, i don't believe in divorce but.....

BTW, one of the websites said Top 10 Signs someone is cheating
1. the person starts to work out or try to get in shape.
She has been upset that she was a little over weight but for the past 3 weeks she has been obsessed with getting into shape and loosing weight.

Well You've come to the right spot.

Read all you can and put together your Plan A. I think this is important for two reasons. First of you need to start showing your wife you can change and fufill her needs. This will help with your recovery and if your wife does leave she will remember the better you.

I also think you both need to stop playing the online sex game. Sure it may be fun way to expariment but this seems to have become a lifestyle not just some bedroom play for you and your wife.

Now I know you work alot but so does your wife raising your children. So when your both home do you share responsabilities or do you sit in the chair and let her do everything. Justifying your actions because you work all day.

Other will be here soon. I'm 6 months from dday so I'm kind of new myself.

I'm reading, alot... and trying to figure out Plan A.

I am trying, i'm trying to be as I was when we met. I brought her a card and flowers this morning to wake her.

The game is a D&D type game, nothing really about the game is sexual. I play the game as the game, she turns it into something sexual.

No i don't do enough around the house by using the excuse that i work...

You wife said she's not happy. I heard this to but when I asked what she ment or need I never got a clear response.

So in many ways I know how your feeling. I read that one reason affairs occurs can be the result of an inbalanced relationship were one member feels as though there not pulling there weight.

Does your wife miss working? Does she feel like staying home is not rewarding? Is she depressed thinking that all she has is a life of staying at home and playing on the computor. MAybe she needs some other outside activities, hobbies etc.

It sounds like the game and her conversations with this OM is affair based. An addictive escape from reality.

Keep talking with her and try and get her to give you some specific things that she needs. It may take time. Baby Steps.

Jason: Click on the link in my signature line. Pay particular attention to the Plan A links.