I'm not coherent right now to put my story in any kind of sensible form. Last night I posted in the wrong forum.

My husband told me last night, on our eighth wedding anniversary, that he slept with another woman twice while I was gone to visit my family this summer. I was in Canada. He was in Romania, where I am now with him.

I tried to throw a vase at him, but I missed.

I have very conflicting feelings. Mostly, I hate him, but I wanted him to sleep with me last night. We ended up being more intimate than we have been in months.

I've been trying to get this marriage back on track since April, and he won't budge. He kept telling me that it would get better on it's own.

I've been unable to properly fulfill his sexual needs for several months, because he has not been fulfilling my needs for admiration and communication in general. (We've been having sex, but it wasn't as frequent nor as enthusiastic as he would have liked.)

He is verbally abusive, and drinks too much. He's gained more than fifty pounds since we've gotten married. I've withdrawn from him because I detest so many of his behaviors.

While I was in Canada, he asked me if I missed him. I told him "not at this point". He asked me if I needed him. I told him "No". He asked me if I loved him, I told him "Yes".

I don't know if this marriage is worth saving.

The doctor prescribed him some drugs a few weeks ago to help his stress. (I wonder if he told the doctor that he cheated on his wife.) He's started smoking occasionally as well, which I can't stand.

He told me if I go back to Canada, I can't take the kids (7 and 2), because I won't be able to look after them. We have no home in Canada. My sister just had a new baby and her own marriage is in the dumps, and my stepfather is dying.

I don't know if there's any marriage conselling here. I asked him to come back to Canada with me and he refuses.

If it were just me and him, he'd have to just fend for himself, but, alas, I must cook. Lunch is in five minutes. The kids are eating cookies. Soup for the a**hole.

Telephone conseling with the Harleys or Cerri. Or a MB Weekend. It's a heck of a lot cheaper than an international custody battle.

In the mean time, hang in there. And no more throwing vases, all though I can relate. I had a sudden urge to clock my h. with a frying pan while he was on his knees trying to fix the fridge. I restrained myself.

green lol
I can believe you had to hold back on that one. Hitting him with a frying pan i mean,, Seven Life is hard, and with one spouse having an a its even harder. I agree no more vase throwing, you work hard for the little things you have so dont waste them on him.. Its seems things have been bad for some time. Do you feel your h wants to make the marriage work? I think counseling may do some good, if not for him for you. I know what you mean about eating only that is my escape lately. If you believe in prayer do a little of that, I hope things will get better. Keep posting someone with more experience in what you are asking for will soon write back... hurtin

My husband hates Dr. Harley's philosophies.

He does not agree with the policy of joint agreement, and is terrified that my emotional needs are so different than his. (He just can't figure out why I don't place as much importance on sex as he does.)

He wants to have the freedom to do his leisure activities with whoever he wants, whenever he wants, like all his friends do. I wouldn't insist that we do everything together, but we need to be doing more things together.

No more vase throwing. I can imagine the frying pan scenario. That sounds tempting, but I think I'm okay now. After the vase incident, I poured beer all over him, which was entertaining; I don't think I could stop myself from doing something like that again, but I'll try.

He says he wants the marriage to work, but he has rejected all attempts at any kind of counselling.

He doesn't understand how hard it is for me to love him when he is holding back so much.