I'm sure you've heard it all before, but I really can't imagine there is hope right now.

I just found out my husband is having an EA. I don't think it's gone physical -- maybe kissing -- but who knows. I've been trying to deny everything anyway.

So I'm the one that's not meeting his emotional needs. We're not connected ... I don't get him. Well, I try to explain that I've been angry for a long time. I know I shouldn't have let it get this far, but from the way he talks, it seems he's already given up hope.

We went to MC for the first time last week. We didn't even get to the infidelity, though I told the MC that I suspected it (I saw him once before I went with my husband). It will certainly come up tomorrow night.

Am I really the one that's supposed to be fighting for him right now? How can I do that knowing he's falling in love with someone else. I can't even look at him.

I understand I will have to ask him to stop seeing this woman (girl). He does not take ultimatums well, so I don't even want to approach the subject outside of MC.

How do BS's get to the point of even wanting to meet their partners emotional needs? I can't see it, yet.

(((lbc))) - big hug!

Welcome to MBers. So sorry that you have to be here under these circumstances. Read all that you can on Plan A and Plan B. Go out and buy the book Surviving An Affair.

Many people will give you good advice on what to read to get started on the recovery.

Know that what you are feeling is completely normal - ALL OF IT! And someone here has felt the exact same thing.

Hang in there! It is a long roller coaster ride and it's painful, but you can come out victorious on the other end.

Thank you for your reply. I'm just wondering what my next step should be. I want to ask him to stop seeing the OW, but I know I have to tell him that I know I've hurt him and I'm willing to work on our marriage.
He is very angry, though, that it took him to have an affair for me to want to change. He's been asking for these changes for a couple of years already. I guess it's a wonder he hasn't cheated before this.
How do I convince him that I'm serious?

The same way he will convince you he will not cheat again...with trust. Do it, and he will see. Every day is a new day and you will make mistakes and fall back into old habits...apologize as soon as you can and change. Plan A...fulfill his most important emotional needs, stop the Lovebusting.
If he doesn't leave her on his own, then look into Plan B.

He will be angry...be understanding. Tell him that the A hurts. Don't ask him to stop...yet...but you can tell him how you feel about it.

Well, I ordered SAA.

Wow, it seems alot of this depends on faith, huh?
I was so amazed. I put away my hurt and anger for an evening. I did all kinds of little things for my husband last night. I just made it a nice, pleasant evening. No love busting and he seemed to respond in kind. The most amazing thing is that when he came to bed, he thanked me for an email I sent him. It was just lyrics to a song that seemed to express my feelings on our situation. It may seem like a little thing, but compared to all of the anger in our house for the past month, it was so refreshing. And it made me hopeful.

I've decided not to ask him to stop seeing the OW, yet. I told him that I will tell our MC tonight about the affair. (He asked if I was gonna tell the MC.) He still sounds like he is planning to come to the session. I'm praying that he does.

I do have some questions, though. How much do I enable his affair? He watches our daughter during the day and is supposed to study two days out of the week. Those two days, he takes our daughter to my mom's house. Well, those are the days that he sees the OW instead.

He is supposed to take our daughter to my mom's this afternoon so that we can go to our appointment. It's hard taking care of a 13-month-old and I was about to say, "Why don't you take her earlier?" But all I thought is that it will allow him more time to see her again. At this point, they do have plans to meet tomorrow. Do I try to make it harder for him to see her?

Also, how do you handle your feelings when you know your WS is seeing the OP? Do you just not take it personally? Do you try to pretend it doesn't exist? I'm thinking of seeing my old counselor to have a place for all of my pain and hurt to come out.

One more question: Something strange happened yesterday. One of my aunts stopped by unannounced during the day while hubby was there. She has *never* done that. Could my mom suspect something and sending spies? How do I handle this? Do I handle it? I haven't talked to my mom at all about our troubles. At first, hubby was angry, but he didn't specifically ask me to do anything.

Terrible place to be in. Keep reading the book, it will give you great answers and read up on Plan A. He is in the FOG and that has to be one of the most painful phases of all for the BS.

Good luck and God Bless!

click on the link in my sig line. read the plan A links.

Well, my husband admitted to the PA last night in MC. I'm really surprised that I can sit here typing. I'm sure I'm just numb. I will see my therapist on Monday.

Thank you for the link again. I had missed Cerri's post on Plan A before -- it is for ending the affair. I will probably post under Plan A/Plan B to figure out my next steps.

The only good thing that happened at MC was that the counselor did tell WS he would have to end the A.

And I'm still waiting for my copy of SAA.

I'm somewhat hopeful. I'm making plans to celebrate WS' 40th bday tomorrow and he seems very receptive.