Jersey Girl you're a lifesaver. I hope we make it through this, you give me so much hope!

I think some family members have discovered my posts. So now I'm afraid to really put out there what I want to say.

Much work to do. Gotta stay focused. Hugs!!

Hugs-be careful what you post, she may even find the site. That was a fear for me. Just know you are doing the best you can. It is up to him to respond. I know you hurt, but it will improve. Plan A is about you. He'll notice.

Just wanted to say-HAVE A GOOD DAY! Plan for you and the kids today. If he wants to join in OK, but remember, you have to take care of you so you can take care of the kids.

Why not buy an LSAT review book and leave it on the coffee table. It will remind you of your dreams and of another possible future and if he sees it he will know you are moving foward with or without him. You have the inner strengh and I think you are the strong one in your family. HUGS_JG

Good idea! I'll have to get one after I get done ordering my swimsuit for FL,I'm just taking the baby with me. Yeehaw!! I haven't had a vacation in ten years!!

Hugs SoulSister!

Have a great time. I really don't want to say this, but is someone going to keep an eye on things for you? Is this man capable of moving things out while you are away? I doubt he would, but I just don't trust any of them any more. Once burned, twice shy. I know he couldn't handle the kids for more than a weekend if he is typical. I just worry and my mind races like crazy trying to predict the next move. I suspect it will be missing you and wondering what that LSAT book is doing on the table.

Have a good time and enjoy the warm weather for me please!

Had a jam-packed weekend. Spent time with my mom and sis and Sunday we baptized the baby and she was a perfect angel. Had a little gathering afterwards and pretty much acted like nothing was wrong.

Starting to get fallout from H's siblings. All of a sudden I'm persona non grata. Others have been heavily criticized for socializing with me, H was even appalled. I just ignore them as best as I can and keep improving myself and the kids. Somehow I think that is what H's siblings are having trouble dealing with, that I haven't either filed or crumbled in a heap.

H and I had a pleasant weekend, less tension, no arguing, no LBs. I'm just trying to sit back and let H come to me.

Taking your advice on what to do when I'm gone. It should be okay.

H has boards in two weeks, so I really don't see him coming back before then.

Hugs and thanks, have a good one!

He may be a different person after the boards. Too much pressure.

His family doesn't want to believe that their beloved son is the bad guy. Keep your chin up, be nice. It will bite all of them in the butt if you keep your dignity, he did this not you.

Recovery is not easy, but I think it is great. It will be fine. See what happens after the boards. He may feel pressure from another baby and the fear that he may not be able to make it in the "real" world. A display of your strength will help, and leave that book around. He will come around, as different as these situations are, they really are more similar than I can believe.

MC last night went well, we were even laughing during our session. Have a date tonight which will be the first time we've been alone in a very long time.

Hugs and have a good weekend.

Have a great time tonight. The man will be back, but he will have ups and downs for a while, go thru withdrawl etc, but he will be back. This is great that you are going out. Best wishes! JG

Hi. H is being very considerate, taking out trash, getting me cappucino, letting me know his whereabouts, etc. I just keep looking at him with disbelief and waiting for a the bomb to drop. Still not back home, but may as well be as much as he's there, only sleeps at his sister's.

Won't see him much this week, while he studies for boards on Mon/Tue.

Our night out fell through after a sitter problem, but we watched a movie at home.

How do you get past the bad memories, every once in a while something triggers a moment when me and the kids were doing one thing and he was obviously doing another and I get very sad. I don't cry about it, but I get really down and I don't know what to do to avoid these moments. Any suggestions, besides time?

Hopr things are going your way. Just saying hi-Jersey Girl

Did your H blow hot and cold? Some days he wants to be closer and others I can feel him standing back. I just keep plodding on. Working on Halloween costumes, I'm going to be a hot looking pirate chick. Should be fun!

Until boards are over I don't see any major events happening with me and H.

Thanks for checking on me.

Running hot and cold is very common. You need to be there from a distance, available, but not intruding in his space. The more he sees you doing your own thing, the better. Just how men work in general. He may be problemsolving trying to find a solution. The back off when trying to solve problems too.

You are doing great, bet you'll look great on halloween...make it reallllly sexy!!

I have to get my act together for that. Hope you are having a good weekend-Jersey Girl

PS It will still take a little more time for him to separate from his fantasy. He'll get there.-HUGS

Your advice is working!! I think anyway. THis week should be big, boards are today and tomorrow, and I go to the beach at the end of the week! I went out with some girlfriends on Saturday for a few hours, Lots of fun! H was with all the kids, it was late, so they were all asleep, so it wasn't exactly a challenge.

Taking care of me and the kids, gotta get all the laundry done before I leave for FL.

Are you dressing up for Halloween?

HUGS and Trick or Treat!

Remember, the A was a cry for help. You are the one he chose to marry out of all those women out there. It would mean that the OW is a better fit in his life-very,very unlikely. Given the exact conditions when you and H met, she would fail to end up with him-why? Good enough for an affair, but in reality under the light of day not good enough for a life partner. The OW would have to have everyting the wife has and then some-unlikely again. Add to that history, loyalty and family and it is a wonder that any man would leave his family.

When the affair is exposed, reality sets in and the OW rarely measures up. It's not that she is a bad person underneath, it is just that the relationship is just an affair-period. It is set up to fail from the start.

I now view the OW as a pathetic individual trying to steal another woman's life. She has got to have issues because she would NEVER accept a relationship with a person who is married. I almost feel sorry for her, no I am far enough away from the affair that I do feel sorry for her. She has a miserable life from what he has told me. She was desparate for love, any love-even with a married man. Now some men may go for it, but in the end most are unhappy they have left. They have done studies and found that most men were the happiest with the first wife.

I truely believe your marriage will be saved. Have a great trip!

My kids make me dress up-Lord help me!

Hugs-Jersey Girl

OW has had a miserable life, but it doesn't give her the right to inflict misery on me and my kids. I even told him I feel bad for her problems and they have been huge, but nothing justifies the A. Like they say misery loves company, my H said he was miserable and so he found another miserable person to be miserable with. Hopefully he'll realize just how miserable he'd be without his 5kids and wife and comes home soon.

Come on it's Halloween, dressing up is fun! H didn't realize I was going out on Halloween for a few hours, he wants to delay leaving for his fishing trip with his buddies until I get home. Do you think he's worried? I still take my vows seriously, but it's nice to have him wonder.

It's beautiful here and we have our last soccer game tonight, then we get a break from the running for a while anyway.

HUGS!

Oh, he's worried. Wait til he gets to the stage when he thinks you're having an A! Mine went crazy one day.

Yes, the OW is wrong, the A is wrong-period.

OK-I'm dressing up. Have a great day!

Go ahead. Make him worry. He needs to sweat it out. Have a great time on Hallowe'en.

Hope you had a great trip and hope all is well. Praying for you.

Hope your all nice and tan! (Oh yea, sunscreen nowadays...), well all rested at least. Have a great halloween! Jersey Girl