Christmas went okay, even after OW tried to contact him with a text message on his cell in the wee hours of the morning. The beep woke me up and I read it and freaked out, managed to stay calm while I confronted him, he said she was playing "head games" with him. OW is already living with somebody else.

Last night he came home PO'd at the world and acted like a complete jerk. I stormed out slamming the door. The entire residency program is in an uproar so the pressure at work is tremenduous, but that's not my fault but I'm his target. I'll gladly support him through his problems at work, but I'm not a mind-reader and he will not open up. Instead he dictates what he wants to do and expects me to work around his schedule and he gets mad when his plans get disrupted due to for example, he could not go fishing one Saturday (it did snow 19" where he was going by the way) because the dog was sick and had to go to the vet and the van had to have repairs.

I've been told I have to be the adult because he's being childish and won't act responsibly, but when do I get to be a kid again? Never?

Someone also told me this is the life of a doctor's wife. Well he wasn't a doc when I married him, I feel like I'm raising six children instead of just five.

Gotta get back to work, thanks for "listening" to me b**ch and moan.

Hugs Hope you have a good New Year, it's our anniversary tomorrow. Ouch! I think I'll just keep a low profile, no gifts.

Boy can I answer this one. He is going thru a stage, he expects something for his work, he does not realize how hard you work, probably never will. Some guys can't figure that out.

Yes, you have to be the grown up for now, but it will get better, he's going thru that mid life maturation phase. Mine came out of it recently. Being married to a doc is tough. You are frequently last in line, and by the time they get home there is nothing left and they actully really need you after they come out of their cave. Docs need support at home more than others and if they don't get it there, they look for it elsewhere. I am the child of a doc who cheated too. This is not unusual. It will get better though. Residency is the worst of it. Happy New Year! Hugs-Jersey Girl

Happy New Year! May this one be better than the last one for all of us.

Wait till you read this one. Went to gym last night, crammed 1 hr workout into 30 min so H could go at his usual time, (never mind that he was so late getting home that I had to alter my schedule-used to it) anyhow, over did it, didn't cooldown, hit the cold air outside, asthma attack/spasm. No inhaler, knew he kept one in his gym bag, looked for it, found cache of gifts. 1. cologne (turns out from a patient/friend who also gave him a bunch of chocolate, which h showed me. bit too personal for me though, what do you all think.
2. afghan with some picture that looks like something my grandmother would like.
3. cuff links (h doesn't even have the right kind of shirt)
confronted h calmly asked would like you like to explain all these gifts.
of course he got mad I was in his stuff, he went to our armoir and threw out everything of his and took a shirt (from OW) told me from someone else, and then went downstairs and threw all kinds of crap in the floor while rummaging through his personal mail and bookshelf.
I asked him if he was looking for something and he said he was making sure he hadn't forgotten anything else. I asked him what he was going to do with that stuff? When I found the cufflinks I said "these are not staying in my house" probably a LB, but by then I was pretty annoyed.

Anyhow he said he guessed he have to give it back to her, I said I'd be glad to mail it to her for him and he just rolled his eyes and then I said the nurse across the street would be glad to do it and he said he'd have somebody give the stuff to her.

Of course, he's furious with me for beign in his stuff and I told him this is about truth and honesty.

I was proud of myself no crying, swearing, pouting or screaming. He looked like a bully in front of the kids and he left the mess all over the house. He then threw the gifts outside in the sidewalk, they weren't there when I got up this morning, I don't know if he picked them up or what. He barely spoke to me this morning, only to ask where his keys were, I found them in his mess of stuff on the floor.

early on in this mess, I had asked him to make sure he got rid of any gifts, because I didn't want to come across them. If I'm reading Harley right, then I was right to rummage his bag, because there's supposed to be nothing hidden from each other. Do I screw up or what? Any advice?
Hugs

He needs to grow up. You had a medical emergency. Would he rather you have called an ambulance? I mean, what the h*ll does the man expect? That you shouldn't be able to look for an inhaler in a crisis????

How's your Plan A and preparation for Plan B?

Sorry I haven't been around. I just come check up on you from time to time. I pray that you will be in my shoes in 2 years too.

Oh, where do I begin! Yes, his life should be an open book. He's angry because he had something to hide. He'll get over it. You're the one that should be angry. He is so wrong. That was an LB that was needed. Don't feel bad. If he is on schedule he should be being very nice to you today after dealing with his mess. Guys hate to screw up. He is being very immature, but I am not surprized. He is following the typical pattern. He knows he was wrong by his actions. You did nothing wrong. There are no secrets between H and W. Hugs

Bad day today. Along with H never saying he loves me, now my 6 yr old won't say it either. H says it's because she's always with me and I have to do the disciplining, homework, chores, etc. This hurts. I tried to talk to H about it, of course while he's at work, because I never can any other time. All it did was make me more upset.

Now he's planning conference trip to FL and I told him it wasn't fair he gets to go to the beach while we stay home. Financially there is no way as a family we could go and stay at his conference. However his bro lives 3 hrs from conference and I suggested me and kids go there. He takes it as me trying to be overbearing and rule the roost. I'm tired of not being loved and being the adult and keeping the house going and my job and getting five kids to school/daycare and fed, clothed, bathed and tutor them etc etc. and not getting any of my EN of love being met. Yeah we have s*x which releases that frustration, but I keep feeling that H is just waiting till his residency is over and his job has started to leave me permanently. He has no money to do so now, and setting up his office will take a lot of time and I'm a built in babysitter right now. I told him I feel like I can't make any plans for the future, because I get no feedback from him on how things are going. How long can I be expected to continue in this emotional limbo? Now he says he can't make MC this month, because his schedule is so bad. Truthfully, it is absolutely horrible. He's carrying three pagers and gets no real rest. Of course, I'm being supportive, but who's supporting me? besides you all who post replies and my therapist and my best friend. I need to feel loved and it's tearing me up inside everytime he tells the kids he loves them and I'm not included. I have to go cry in the bathroom now, before my boss thinks I'm a total wingnut. Hugs and Brrr really cold here, which is not helping my RA.

No, he won't leave when he starts the practice, he'll need you more then. Yes, I have been in your shoes and actually am having that kind of week. My H does not give me the support I need and I also do not get enough I love yous, etc. I know he loves me, but when I'm down, like today I need a little more. I feel your pain. I know how you feel about the conf. I am sorry. You know he has to go. Have your spys watch him though... As for 6 year olds, darn it sometimes you just have to grab them and steal some kisses.

I have deceided to continue work on myself. If he cannot fill the void, I will fill it. No-not an affair, I know better, but I will fill up my life the best I can because I am not leaving him, too Catholic and the kids, and I do love him dearly. Most of the time I am happy, but I know what you mean, some days you need more. Thank God for girlfriends, not that I really have any good ones anymore, but you know what I mean. Hugs!

Did you H have mood swings? I know H is mad at OW or himself because she quickly moved onto living with someone else, but his mood swings are getting to me. He's always had anger issues, but now it's at the forefront and I think I'm living with Dr. Jekyll/Mr.Hyde. It's to the point that I don't know what to expect when he gets home at night and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him, because I'm afraid I'm going to set him off. It's escalated to the point that people are asking if he has "roid rage"

Is this typical withdrawal/recovery or could there be some other "issue" that a professional needs consulted?

Any advice appreciated.

Dealing with multiple sick kids with variety of issues from swallowing plastic price tag holder (got scoped and barium study), hives head to toe, RSV and then just the usual runny nose and my one beligerant child has been even more so lately, so gotta run.

Oh my...Dr. J/Mr. H, those were my exact words two years ago.

This is very good, it is signaling the end of the fog. He is angry at himself, her, you and everything!!! Right on schedule.

The next stage is much better, it is the I'll just take care of the family stage. Then comes I'm falling for my wife again stage, this comes after considerable Plan A with your needs going unmet and your lovebank emptying like crazy.

Then they really start meeting your needs and you think the sky is falling! I kept thinking, OK, whats up? When are you going to hurt me again!

It is going well, soooo the OW is showing herself as the HO that she is! Ours was sleeping with 3 guys within 2 weeks, I think she was doing it all along, boy was H surprised at what a jumbo HO she was. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Jersey Girl you're an angel, what would I do without you. UGH! Happy Chinese New Year!

All I can say is this nightmare has made be thin and it's fun buying clothes and trying them on and saying it's too big! instead of my butt needs an orange flag on it.

HUGS HUGS HUGS

Remember, he is feeling sorry for himself now, think of him like a sick child. Be supportive even though he is going to make you want to puke with the OH WOE IS ME attitude.

It is a stage, ups and downs. You be the stable, kind rock. It will pay off.

HUGS and Happy New Year to you too!

After latest episode of rage and breaking things, I told H that's it, get help, get under control this is ridiculous, H really scared the kids, I was not home at time. Since then, things good, date on Sunday, have had weird viral rash with kids and this weird weather is enough to keep us running.

Thanks for your support, I do get tired of the hangdog woe is me look, but I'm still being cheery even if I have to go puke at times. Probably ruining my teeth.

Take care stay warm hugs

It sure is cold!

He's getting there. It will be amazing to see him come out of this. He won't be able to stand himself and he will wonder what was I thinking. It is the same text over and over, story after story. There are different kinds of affairs, this one, like your H's and mine, is the I feel neglected and I am depressed affair. Very different from the exit affair or revenge affair.

Trust me, he loves you, he is just really mad at himself. They really do hate to screw up, but the point is we really love them and forgive them in time. After all, we're only human.

Good luck with the rash-if they all have it it probably is viral.

Hi. We had a good weekend. Saw Lord of the Rings. I had prepared myself for H to fall asleep, which he forwarned me it would happen, but guess what he didn't. This is a major accomplishment on his part. We had a nice time.

Any thoughts on Valentine's Day. Gift or no gift, mushy card. I thought about writing my own card basically thanking for our beautiful kids. Any input welcome.

Thanks, preparing for another winter storm here.
Brrr!

You may have to search, but you might find a card that is simple and states how you feel or you might go for the simple statement that is superficial. You have to feel that out. I couldn't gush the first year, so I found one that talked about in good times and bad we can work it out-this is so common, someone must write these!

I just gave him a small chocolate kiss so I would not be disappointed, but a card should be enough. You could make his favorite dinner or breakfast. I kept it very simple.

He bought me flowers and I was very surprised, but d-day had been way before. I vote for simple this year.

Have a great day!JG

Been battling RSV with the 3 yr old, finally over it, things are calm at home between us, so that's good, we've been concentrating on taxes, and finding him a practice, at least he's sharing that with me.

gotta run, mucho work to catch up on at the office.

Hugs and Happy Valentine's Day. I opted to get nothing, I couldn't find any cards that weren't sappy and syrupy that way if he does get me something I'll be surprised.

I think that considering what has happened this year that that is perfect. Some days are easy, some aren't. What are you going to do. Hang in there-hugs and happy v day-jersey girl

No gifts for V-day, he ended up working all day. Weekend was fine, now he's pouting because he can't afford to go to a week long conference in FL, he's so negative, in six mos he'll have cash to go two conferences. I'm pretty much ignoring his sulkiness and told him to go fishing this weekend.

definitely no contact, been confirmed, it really helps when the OW starts shacking up with someone else!

H actually admitted he screwed up last summer!
Gotta run thanks for the support.

YEA! Yes, send him fishing, life is too much for him and he has no fantasy world to escape to right now. In two months it will get better because he will fell better about himself being the provider. This is so important to men. Everything is going in the right direction, he'll stop sulking soon. HUGS-JG