My husband and I have been married now for 10 years and have a large family. We both love our children very much. My husband started having an affair about a year ago and I found out about 2 months into the affair. We both decided to try for our family and this is what I thought we were doing. Three weeks ago my husband came to me and said he was still having this affair. I thought I would die. I found this site and made me realize I had not handled this situation well. He called the ow the day he told me and told her he was ending it for me and the kids and he had to let her go. We have had a hard few months some really bad stuff happen with his father dying and he said it made him realize how he was living his life. I asked him to email this ow for me and tell her that it was over and that he has commited to me. He says he will do this for me but feels weird since he told her this 3 weeks ago and has not spoken to her since. I understand his point and I dont want to dig up anymore dirt. I just feel it would help me if I see this letter and know for sure he sent it. I do Know the change has to be in his heart I just want to make sure she is gonna leave him alone. I don't know what to do about this letter. Should I ask him to write it or should I try to rebuild the trust and let it go?

Read Surviving An Affair - excellent book by the Harleys.

The NC (no contact) letter was key for me too. Even though he hadn't contacted the OW for a period of time, I needed to see it in writing to feel like I had some closure. I understand where you are coming from. He can word it so that she gets that it is important to the recovery of your Marriage. It's not about her, it's about you!

Good luck and God Bless!