Married 18 years. 2 great kids, 15 and 12.
2 months ago my husband tells me there is someone he has just been "talking to" for the past 3 months, and, well, he wanted someone to make him feel like the "most imporant person in the world to them" and she does that for him, but I don't. He suggested that he could stay in the house to help take care of the kids, but I told him that he couldn't stay there if he was having a relationship with someone else, so he moved out. He is currently living with a friend, and actively seeing this woman.
Since then I have heard all the same stupid lines that every BS has ever heard - he isn't sure he ever loved me (after 18 years?) well, maybe he loved me before, but he doesn't anymore.
She is everything he has every wanted in a woman. This relationship couldn't possibly be wrong, becuase it feels so right. Surely God planned for them to be togehter, otherwise why would they have met, etc.

The OW is also married, has recently left her husband, and has 2 children of her own, ages 7 and 11. I asked him how he could consider moving into another womans home, and raising her children, which he said is "no big deal".
I am convinced at this point that he is stuck in a fantasy world. He tells his friends and family members that he is sorry for what has happened, but right now he is happier than he has ever been, and he deserves this chance to be happy.
After two months of not eating, not sleeping, and losing 30 punds, I have finally reached the point where I have a few good days, in between bad days. I am glad for that.
The thing he has said to me, more than once, that keeps running through my mind is: "You are a good person, just not the person for me".
I am hoping that by sharing my story I can find others who are in the same boat.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "You are a good person, just not the person for me". </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This too, is a very popular phrase amongst WS's. If they can convince themselves it is true, they feel less guilty. Please click on the link in my signature line, and read pay particular attention to the Plan A links. I would suggest gettting "Surviving an Affair" and reading it yourself, too.

I have read the book - and the story in there sounds exactly like my story. I think it is that book which has helped me the most.

Adding to my previous post.........
His family knows what is going on and they do not support him. He has stayed away from the family since he moved out. Our boys are old enough to know what is going on and unfortuantely my WH insists on taking the OW along when he takes our boys anywhere. I think that is the hardest part for me. I can choose to stay away from the OW, and our family and friends can avoid her, but if the kids want to see their dad, they are stuck seeing her too. I can not believe that this same man, only 3 months ago, was the type of man who would have fought to the death to protect the kids and I. Now he is the one who is out to hurt us the most.

Dear WOF5,

I want to thank you for posting this. It has been very helpful to me personally. I don't know that I can offer anything in return as far as sage advice, but I wish I could.

You see, I've been married 20 years, and have two wonderful daughters, 18 & 15, and 3 months ago I told MY wife about MY affair. While I didn't tell her all the same things your H told you, I was certainly thinking them. And, to be honest, I still think about them and the other woman (OW)from time to time. I broke it off at "D-Day", but we didn't enact No Contact (NC) until almost a month ago.

I still go through times of "fog", and I think about "what might have been". Every day it seems to lessen somewhat, but then I might have a bad day or something, and fantasy want to take over again. But your thread has given me a new and better perspective of what pursuing a pipe dream would bring.

My wife and I are working on our marriage, and I honestly want it to succeed, and flourish. My wife, like you it sounds, is a loving and devoted woman who wants to work to correct whatever was wrong with the marriage before my A. She accepts that it is something that we both need to work towards, not something that just I have to "fix".

I just don't know how to, or how long it will take to, get over these feelings for the OW. If I did act on them, though, what my wife would feel would be very similar to what you have expressed. For that reason, I think I'm going to print this thread out and post it above my desk to keep it fresh on my mind.

I hope and pray that things work out for your family, and thank you again for your indirect help.

oscar

Wow.
Thank you.
We serve an awesome God, who knows exactly when to send me a message to keep my spirits up.