Ok Here goes

Me Age 31
Him Age 30
Married 8 together 10
I am in counseling, he doesn't want to go
We have one child D age 6

H returns from 6 month deployment and tells me he wants out of marriage

I am desperate for what to do I am currently backed off a bit due to following Divorce Busting type methods.

We have dated a few times
H hasn't actually stayed a night at his other place that he's been renting for 2.5 months

H says he doesn't feel anything for me
H says affair is over he's not seeing anyone
H says still wants out but hasn't left
I'm actually feeling good about myself though thinking my depression and lack of meeting my H's physical needs is what drove him away

H allows me to be intimate with him,trying to demonstrate that I'm willing to meet that need of his now.

He keeps himself really busy so I don't know how we could get 15 hours in a month much less a week!

Not sure H wants to work on Marriage as he seems to be waiting for 'feelings' to tell him what to do

I've forgiven him and told him so. Says he can't forgive himself and blames self for my PA a few years back

I love my husband and would appreciate any help!

praying a lot, thinking since he's still physically at home though not mentally feel like I have hope but would like to get things moving a bit, Am I impatient? I have been doing everything I can to fill his love tank though I'm not sure if I'm meeting his most important need as I feel I would be putting too much pressure by asking him to fill out the needs questionnaire

Agh

I am going though a similar situation. My wife says she can't "Feel the Love". I think she is probably trying to hard, not letting it happen naturally or that she is still in a fog and has feelings for the OM. Either way it leaves you weak and depressed. Sometimes I feel it's just not worth it anymore!

This weekend it will be 3 months since we have been intimate. Against her therapist recommendations, we do have plenty of snuggling time watching TV and in bed... but no sex. She tells us that that should be the last thing on our minds. Repairing the marriage should be first. I guessing but don't you fall in love before and while you rebuild your marriage? Isn’t being in love the foundation?

I guess time will tell. Have patience; it’s what I tell myself daily. Too bad I can’t listen to my own advice. - Guy

Ugh! I guess I'll commiserate with you. Although, we've just started on this path, WS is similar. He has been unhappy in our M for a long time and wondering if we should have married at all. I'm busting my butt to meet as many ENs as possible and that has actually made him angry to a degree. He has been asking for these changes for years and I didn't do it until he had A. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

We are going to MC together and will be attending Retrouvaille the weekend after next.

I try to offer hope, but sometimes it's hard when I'm trying to hold on to it myself.

I may have to be okay with the idea that he does not want the M anymore.

Maybe I need to order the book, it might give me some ideas.

I feel neglected most of the time because H is proving to himself that he doesn't need me. Spends as much time out busy doing stuff. Also is affecting R with D but he wouldn't admit since showing up to soccer is apparently enough.
Whatever.

I really miss my H, we were best friends a long time ago.

He really is the only one who really knows me.

Learned something new, H is still talking to the OW. I feel the only reason it's not physical is because she is in another country. So not sure what I can do other than be patient. He says he doesn't think he can stop communicating with her. When I say I think we can work this out, says he doesn't want to.

So kind of hard for me to do much except take care of myself and pray.

Dear wife prays,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Learned something new, H is still talking to the OW. I feel the only reason it's not physical is because she is in another country. So not sure what I can do other than be patient. He says he doesn't think he can stop communicating with her. When I say I think we can work this out, says he doesn't want to. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your WH is having an EA, which is just as bad as a PA. In my honest opinion you should be Plan A:ing your butt off right now. Plan A is to try to break the affair. Its about meeting all your husbands needs, doing things for him that you know he likes, even being creative and doing stuff he never thought he liked. You have an advantage, she is in another country and your WH is living under your roof.

Plan A is not about being a doormat, you must remember to set your boundaries, but do it in a kind and loving way -not lovebusting. Love busting is a NO, NO. No angry outbursts, no disrespectful judgements. You listen. You are kind. You smile and when you feel like hitting him with a frying pan, go for a walk and stand in a forest and scream and cry fromthetop of your lungs.

Plan A is about getting him to break it, because he realizes everything he ever wanted (and more) is right under his nose. Find out what his needs are. Ask what it is that makes the OW so attractive, even though it hurts. Its alot of hard work and he is going to cake eat like crazy, because he will feel like a king. When you feel that you are just about to not handle it anymore and your love is drying out, then you go to Plan B.

I did a 5 month plan A and my WH fell in love with me again. He did feel like a king, and because he felt so good he could not choose. When your WH is sitting on the fence not knowing which side of the fence he should be on, then is the time for Plan B!

Goodluck!

WP: Two things.

One, "being there physically but not mentally/emotionally is typical as long as contact with the affair partner continues, even if there is no physical contact, AND (to forewarn you) during withdrawal after contact with the affair partner ceases. Sometimes beyond that, too, depending on how withdrawn the spouse is from you for reasons that preceded the affair, or because of guilt. HOWEVER, there is a small part of their being that IS there, watching, even if it is well hidden. Trust me, it's there, and your H WILL notice what you do, even though you will see no evidence of that.

Two is: Click on the link in my sig line,a nd read everything linked there that you haven't already read here.

Well, I plan A'd for 6 weeks. May not be as long as some but since he's already technically moved out I've asked him for his key. His parents will be here next week and I don't feel like putting up with him pretending to live here while they are here(that was his plan) then finish moving out when they leave.

This is a big move for me as I have been really affectionate, loving, chatty, listening, giving back rubs, making coffee, even took him out to a movie, dinner, etc etc etc.

All while he slowly moved his stuff out. ouch.

We'll see what happens now. praying

wp,

Sorry it has come to this for you. It took a lot of strength to do what you did. Your H cannot come and go as he pleases, cake-eating so to speak.

Now he has to deal with the consequenses of his actions, not just you and your daughter. My prayers are with you, your daughter and you H.

God Bless

Doug

Thanks Doug, looking forward to a peaceful weekend as H is on a hunting trip. I'm just praying a lot.