I DON'T F%&*ING BELIEVE THIS.....<P>I just received this in my e-mail 5 seconds ago...<P>""""Have a good Christmas, and a good life, I hope everything is back to normal,<BR>I 'm sure it is.... Sugar and sweet to (insert my beautiful, innocent, precious child's name here), .... And a big hug. """"<P><BR>As I posted elsewhere...I can do no harm....but ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhk;lashad[oiahy;hgahgoierghr oivy;oty'ioweojgdsgjgkjgkjnlksuefoiot'j'elkhckfhvldhg;oaoig'othuyAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH...<P>..BILL, get off the venting throne...I need to use it !!!!!!!<P>I am sitting here shaking....its really funny, when H went up to bed, at midnight, he asked if I was coming up...I said no, wanted to write a bit, he laughed and said he was worried...last time I stayed up late 'to write' was the night I intercepted her "how dare you dump me" e-mail to him......<P>now, there is nothing 'wrong' with what she wrote....am I angry irrationally here? she DID NOT send this to my H, only to my private e-mail......this woman has NEVER expressed remorse, blaming only my h, as he was the married one....well, it takes two to do the horizontal boogie....you bimbo brain, silicone-filled, evil, evil, bride of satan...!!!!!!!!!!!!!..I am a little bitter...you may be able to tell....<P>i feel like going upstairs and waking H up....why? I have no idea...i am tired of these things happening when I am alone....emotionally and physically....how dare she....how f%&ing dare she....at least if it had said, 'sorry for shredding your life, sorry for devastating you, sorry for pursuing him, even after we agreed to end it, sorry. no sorry at all ...none....ever...and greetings, kisses and hugs to my child? the one she wanted to meet? the one whose daddy she kept away from him all summer? the child that never saw daddy? the child she wished so much was hers and his? the child who lost so much too..not just his parents??<P>she hopes everything is back to normal?????she is so sure that it already is?????????<P><BR>I really do not like her.<P>i do not hate.....it is really against my personal ethics...but this lady is coming so close........<P>am i nuts??<P>or could it be really bad PMS?<P>Dylan<P>I want to go to her house and slap her.....more bad Karma!!!!!<P>darnit...medic, I need a medic.....make me see the humour here....<P>no contact for over a month and a half....I feel like I have to start over....all over again...all the anger is back.....so much progress, swept away.........

soulloss,<BR> Sorry I've just been reading and posting and didn't "refresh till now!" <P> Hopfully you are sound asleep and calmed down. SHE IS A "bimbo brain, silicone-filled, evil, evil, bride of satan...!!!!!!!"<P> Don't let her get to you or fight with H about it. It's OVER (just not for her TOOO BAD!!)<P> She's trying to start trouble. Don't let her!!<P> Sorry I'm not Medic and can't find the humor in this either!! <BR> Good luck. FRANK

Hey, Dylan. Don't let her push your buttons!<P>There's no humor here, she's a witch and she's trying to get to you. Trying to cause trouble. Trying to get you to confront him. Trying to make you have doubts, open old wounds, shake you up.<P>DON'T LET HER!!!! She's petty, juvenile and evil for doing this, but YOU control what affect it has on your lives.<P>Can't you block her e-mails. Or delete w/out opening? In Both of your mailboxes? Better yet, CHANGE your mailboxes so her mail is undeliverable. Wouldn't take too long before she gave up.<P>Take a hundred deep breaths and calm down, ok? Don't let her mess up your holiday.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dylan}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Lori<p>[This message has been edited by lostva (edited December 20, 1999).]

soulloss, Happened twice? change your e-mail addy or put a filter on.

From the cursory understanding I have of this situation, I think you are mad at the wrong person. She maybe did have a bit of a "right" to be mad at your husband for dumping her, because in all likelihood he lied to her and told her he was leaving you for sure, that it was all already decided, the rest is just a formality, etc., etc.<P>It's your husband that you should rightfully be angry at. Fact is he was the married one. It was him that you had an agreement with. If you had to have an agreement with every woman in the world who might sleep with your husband under the right circumstances, you would have very busy lawyers. That's not the way a marriage contract works. It is between you and your husband. It's up to you and your husband to respect the marriage, not anybody else.<P>I also don't sense a large amount of malice in her e-mail to you, and wonder what about it is making you so mad. There aren't many words there, so what she meant out of context is a little hard for me to understand. I mean, from a certain point of view it could almost be viewed as an apology (albeit not a very good one).<BR>

I feel for you....<P>I recently found out my wife was having an affair with an older guy (he is 48, she is 33). The OM is living together with someone too, but this obviously did not mean much to the SOB. I found out a week ago (found a hidden email account of my wife's), and it hurts like hell.<P>I want to hurt this guy (perhaps not physically), but I would love to make a copy of those printed emails (there is around 100 of them, and they leave very little to interpretation) and make sure he has as bad a Christmas as my wife and I will likely have.<P>Is that wrong ? Should I leave him alone, even though it feels like I am being "The Coward of the County" (as that? song says by Kenny Rogers)?<P>I just know that if he ever sent me an email like the one you got.... I would not be able to control myself - I would hurt him.<P>Just thought I would share my thoughts, and let you know that you are not alone - I hope we both can get our lives back together.<P>

hmmm...<BR>Regarding the last reply to Dylan's post...<BR>just to set the record straight and expand any understandings that are cursory regarding this matter, I'd like to put forth a few facts. <BR>Notwithstanding my guilt in this matter, and the fact that I did betray the woman who I value and respect more than any other, I think it rather absurd that you would urge my wife, with whom I am trying to rebuild my marriage, to focus her anger on me regarding this email.<BR>You may find it interesting to discover that I had infact made it very clear to that OW that I wanted to save my marriage. I expressed deep dissatisfaction with the fact that we were carrying on a deception and betrayal and when I ended it, she flipped out and put forth a concentrated effort to undermine and dissolve my marriage. The facts in this regard have been verified as truth.<BR>Furhtermore, OW was specifically requested not to contact us, both by me and Dylan.<BR>You should always keep in mind that emotional states on this board are not the most stable and when you put up posts like yours, you are pointing a loaded gun. <BR>The fact that b*tch OW chooses to send an email to open old wounds, promote contact, just say hi, whatever, is bad enough to stir up the feelings we are trying to work through, but when people who's supposed intent is to provide support and good advice write things that undermine the badly shattered trust that we are trying to rebuild, well, it's just a little frustrating.<P>Deut

Sorry, but I disagree with you nonplused. I think the women understand very well the anger we all feel towards the OW. I wrote a thread a while ago saying we should blame our h, not the OW. But the anger is there. The sluts certainly don't make it easier on a marriage. In my case the OW was in bed with him the first time they got together after meeting on an airplane. No friendship that crossed the line, just a slut, knew he was married with 2 small kids. And he still defends her as vulnerable, etc.!!!<P>Soulloss, leave her to God's justice. Did you see a thread on what goes around comes around? About two weeks ago? I wanted to email it to the OW, but didn't because there has been no contact and I'm sure not going to start it. But do block your email or close it and open another one. There are so many websites with free email.

Hi Soulloss and soulloss H,<P>Might I suggest you change Email addresses. You may not have to change IP Providers just email addresses. If you want this to stop than do not let her post emails to you any more. IF you do not wish to change email address than block hers. <P>

SHE IS TRYING TO START A FIGHT! She is curious as to how you and your H are doing...if you left him as he did her...she wants revenge now for being dumped....don't let her win! If you want you can BOTH email her and let her know that you BOTH no longer wish for her to contact ANYONE in your family and that you will be filtering ALL email addresses so that if she continues to contact either of you that they will be trashed automatically without being read. Don't let her sense the anger, just say a "Thank You" for the email, but basically "GET LOST, GET OVER IT AND GET A LIFE"!

Contact your ISP. Inform them that you don't want to receive any more e-mail from this person, and that you wish them to contact her ISP to inform her, in no uncertain terms, that further contact is unwelcome. Furthermore, make it clear that she should be informed that further contact will be reported to the authorities and a restraining order will be filed.<P>You should file a restraining order anyhow based upon this unwanted contact IMHO. It would definitely put a very DEFINITE end to her little mind games, & if she chose to try and contact you after a restraining order is in place, let her try and get some satisfaction from her harassment out of sitting in a jail cell.<P>No, this isn't extreme. Speaking as a person who was harassed by XOW as well, acting SOONER rather than LATER will help nip this stalker's behaviour in the bud. OW's behaviour in contacting you definitely shows evidence of a sick mind and you should take steps to stop her before she can get out of control. By not doing or saying anything you are silently allowing/encouraging the harassment, or so that is what a stalker would believe... So take action NOW, and show her that YOU have control over your life (and over who you do and don't want to have contact with in your life) and that she has NO power, NO control, and NO rights whatsoever where you are concerned...<P>JM2CW<P>------------------<BR>~~ Elixir ~~<P>

Soulloss...this OW gets on my nerves! Reminds me of our stupid pesty tramp OW. She should have never contacted you. Your H can't control what the psycho does, so please don't get mad at him. I know it's easy to, but please don't. It sounds like he doesn't want to have anything to do with her anymore. The OW wants to cause a rift between you & your H so that she can step in. Don't give her the power.<P>I think that both you & your H should write her a NO CONTACT letter. Then, go from there....

Soulloss's ex H,<P>My intent was not to suggest your wife should be angry with you over the fact that a former lover of yours sent her an e-mail. My point was that what third parties do, including this woman, is not really pertinent to the relationship the two of you have. What if she wrote one hundred e-mails a day and sent flowers? OK, the e-mail was childish. It may even have been sent with evil design. But who really knows? Further, I can't see how it really matters that much. It is an uncontrollable that some other strange person is putting upon you. It is I guess a little more intrusive than junk mail, but really not that much different. Perhaps more rude and insensitive.<P>I believe the problem in your marriage that you both are trying to recover from is the fact that you had an affair. Who it was with or how they are acting now is almost inconsequential. She will go away in time. In the mean time she is just an irritating diversion.<P>I believe if someone is as mad at an ex mistress as your wife appears to be, she may be harboring a lot of other unresolved anger and hurt that will eventually need to be dealt with. Fact is, this woman's part in causing that anger is at best secondary. She wasn't the one with the marriage vows. Sure, we can say she was a scummy slut, a moron, what ever you like. Maybe she even is. But that would make her one of a million. Nothing special worthy of vilification there.<P>If I'm right and there are unaddressed emotions, they will need to be dealt with. I think it's easier to do that if you can figure out the source of the emotions, and what is really bothering you. An e-mail with the text above, assuming it's complete, really isn't enough to warrant the kind of angry response I felt reading what Soulloss had written. Don't get me wrong, the e-mail was inappropriate and perhaps childish, but there really doesn't seem to be that much there.<P>I wonder if something else isn't roaming around under the surface, and this e-mail merely acted as a trigger to bring it up? Given the circumstances I would say it is normal for her to have a lot of different feelings right now. I just don't believe it is clear that the e-mail was the cause of the reaction. They seemed disproportionate to me.<P>

Just a thought.<P>Try to see this as a victory. She is feeling she has to do something to make something right in her life for a change.<P>I'll reiterate my husband collector belief. She tried to create a win/win situation for herself. If you didn't tell your H you would fester and seeth. If you vented ya'll would fight, if you told your H you risked him taking her side.<P>She feels she has won. She will always feel she has won, She will take credit for a divorce or a rebuild marriage that she was the "turning point" of.<P>For her to stoop to this level means that for some reason she doesn't feel satisfied with the damage she has done. (Poor Baby)<P>You cannot control her. The more you try the more tricks she will pull.<P>If you really want to get her goat send her a reply saying thank you for the note. She may just drop dead from shock and then your problem with her will be solved. . Not very likely.<P>It might also be that she can't find anyone else to screw around with (take that anyway you want) during the holidays, so she decided to busy herself with you.<P>Hang in there. I'm not sure how your H responds to this sort of thing, but he did not have anything to do with this, only his reaction to it.<P>

Dear Soulloss!<BR>OMFG! (wow) That is RUDE!! I can't believe she did that! That is classic manipulation, and all these posts are right-on. I went through the same thing, too,... the little witch tried to fein an "interest" in our marriage surviving the affair. You have EVERY right to feel this angry. In fact, I feel the same way, right now, trying so hard to hold in MY OWN personal rage which makes me fantasize about mercury switches and various other detonation devices, perhaps a little C4 explosive, blasting holes in walls, beating things up, screaming at the top of my lungs, pummeling a certain-someone into the ground until her immoral itty bitty little heart is bruised....(who me? bitter? resentful? naaah!!) <P>We "know" as we write this,...what good would it do? And ultimately, this IS a type of "contest" where there ARE winners and losers. She's trying to get your goat, she's trying to instill doubt and fear, she's trying to weasel into your lives and cause disruption. Think about it,-- what's the "worst" thing that OW could feel? Just like a child, (basic Psych 101 here)... a child (like an OW) would rather have positive attention than negative attention,... but would rather have negative attention than be ignored. That, my dear, is the worst "pain" we (and our spouses) can inflict on the OP. As long as we respond to them in ANY way, we FEED them, and we feed the anger, we feed Satan. I'm in the same boat as you with regards to feeling insurmountable (or so it feels) anger and hostility. I, too, have NEVER felt "hate" in my existence, EVER. I was not raised that way, never practiced it, and it was totally foreign to me. Until "her." It scares me to feel "hate."<P>Your H cannot control the OW's behavior, but together, you both can conquer this little witch's attempts at intervening, by communicating, and IGNORING her 100%, in full, in total, to the extreme, at all costs, period. NO attention!! Nothing! Do NOT let her win! Do NOT let her get her toe back in the door!!<P>It's been 20 days for me since the last contact by the OW, and let me tell you, when we "start over" because we let them get to us, we punish ourselves as much as our spouses and their attempts to rectify the damage caused.<P>Good luck, my prayers are with you! I feel for you SOOOOO much!! I really, sincerely do!!

Hey Soulloss,<P>big big smiles, and hugs......<P>What a cow. An absolute cow.<P>Speaking from personal experience here - let it go. Let her go. She is trying to come betw. you and your H, trying to ascertain what state your marriage is in. Don't open that door one millimetre. Either ignore her completely, or send a thank you note, with an addendum advising her that both you and your H would like no further contact.<P>It must be so BLOODY annoying for you, why won't she pi#@ off and leave alone ???<P>They are sick.<P>I have no doubts about my reaction should that ever happen to me - I would want to write back with vitriole and anger - however, as I'm learning from this site, often the best course of action is - NOTHING.<P>Now, we both believe in karma, and that what goes around comes around,<P>give her NOTHING.<P>Focus on you and your H, maybe go out for dinner tonight to reaffirm your feelings, do something nice just you and Him. Get the little slag out of your mind, and out of your life. She is worth nothing, and definetely not worth arguing with your H over.<P>Take care of you, you will have a wonderful Christmas, and she will have a revolting one.<P>big hugs<P>Jo

Oh my, my H xOW did the same thing. It was a generic card though so we are hoping that I just accidentally got a list of people she sent it to - I was more perplexed than angry, though I certainly understand why you are. I found it rather humerous that she thought she could upset me,( by reminding me?, since it was a year to the date that they met).<P>BTW, I like the "husband collector" title - I remember that, because I think it fits her - she didn't really care for my husband, but was mad that he rejected her for me. She actually blames ME for the breakup of THEIR relationship - how's that?

I think it may be PMS.........<P>FRANK, thanks...I know you are right...she won't start anything between H and I, this is not about him any longer...I repeatedly told this woman to leave me alone...I blocked her from everywhere else...just forgot this particular e-mail account (I have too many...long story..)...and it's ok that you're not medic..lol...you did just fine.<P><BR>LORI,<P>((((((((((((((((LORI))))))))))))<P>thank you for reminding me that I am the one with the control....she wants her toe in the door? I'll gladly slam the darn thing shut on it !!!<P>hey!!!! don't call her a witch...you're insulting me.!!!LOL !!!!! do not worry...she will not spoil the holidays...I think I am really upset over the gall of the woman...that's all...I take such personal offense at the rudeness of it.....<P>CL, no, this didn't happen twice...right after discovery, I began an e-mail back and forth thing with her...I wanted info..she strung me along...we both sent her letters telling her that it was all over....and she should never contact either one of us again...she replied fine and dandy....well, not those polite words...so this is out of the blue, and as i pointed out above, it was the only e-mail account I forgot about....hope she had fun e-mailing to all the others and getting told it was undeliverable...<P>ahhh, nonplused...........<P>well, she actually verified that my H never told her he was leaving me, verified that he spoke at length about how much he loved me but did not believe that I was in love with him anymore, and that he was tormented by the thought that I did not love him....<P>I do not understand why I should be mad at my H regarding this....he didn't send me this....he did nothing to warrant my anger in this situation...he is not in control of nor responsible for her actions.....she is....just like BOTH of them were this summer.....its not that there is malice...it's that toe in the door thing....she is still sitting there, wondering, hoping? I don't know.....its the fact that did she nnot contribute enough to the devastation that is now my regular mental state? and to send this......I think it angers me because there is no point to it.....why do this.....??? there does not need to be malice in it for it to upset me...and no, there is NO apology in that e-mail...there has never been an apology from her...just questions as to why my H could NOT have a guilt-free affair with her...complaining that he bugged her because of all his guilt..!! so why do this to me now ???<P>IWANTS2BHAPPY:<P>I am so sorry you have to be here as well...I know about the anger...but really, as alot here have told me, do nothing...it takes their power over you away....go hit a punching bag...or take asledgehammer to the local dump and wreck a car.....but other than that...it is not worth the energy you would expend.<BR> i am not alone and neither are you...these people here are the BEST....you will never be alone again unless you want to be....lol...<P>you will start to laugh again, you will feel, and the anger and rage will dissapate with time....or so I am told.....as you can tell...I'm not there yet. hang in there...<P>DEUT:<P>(((((((((I LOVE YOU))))))))))))<P>need I say anything else?<P>SCHIZZO:<P>back from your cruise with attitude!!! go girl...good to hear from you on this thread too......I know, I know, replying would be giving her a christmans present....she does not deserve one....take care of you and your tan!!!<P><BR>TRYING2_4GIVE:<P>no fight from me....that's why I vented here....I seem to be unable to give her the satisfaction......hmmm.....could it be maturity????? AAAAAAaaaccccccckkkkk. you are correct though, about her wanting to know what is happening...I once (2 months ago) got an e-mail from her with just that question. good point...she is dying to know...<P>ELIXIR:<BR>Where have you been all my life??!! LOL<BR>you have made such good points...I am divided as to whether to just ignore her or as you said, warn her that I will contact the authorities if she continues this....see, to clarify something to all here too...I am really not a brainless moron who did not block her, but she opens new mail accounts with different providers (at least she used to), so one week I was getting mail from abc, hubby got mail from xyz, then I got more from hij...do you all see why it's driving me nuts!!! remember though, that I have not heard anything since November 11 from this woman.....but I realized as I typed this....you may be right......I should at least contact the authorities...I was afraid to, lest they laugh their pants off at me....picture it..."she sent you a merry christmas message???oooohhhhhhh...big bad threat" I can just picture it....<P>thank you thank you thank you thank you<BR>p.s: did you read my wicca thread?<P>NOTRUST:<P>she gets on my nerves too...LOLOLOL<P>I will not get mad at my H, he did not receive this, he did not respond to it, he had NOTHING to do with it. furthermore, as a wierd note.....H wanted nothing to do with her about halfway through the affair..then she started getting wierd and he did not know how to end it without her getting wierder..I think I now believe him..... thank you for everything......<P>nonplused:<P>DAMN RIGHT THERE ARE UNDERLYING EMOTIONS.<BR>DAMN RIGHT I AM ANGRY THAT H HAD AN AFFAIR.<BR>DAMN RIGHT I AM ANGRY THIS WOMAN WILL NOT GO AWAY<BR>I AM ANGRY THAT SHE DID THIS FOR NO APPARENT REASON....THERE IS NO REASON FOR THIS PERSON TO WISH ME A MERRY CHRISTMAS.<P>I have pms, it was 3 in the morning, i was immersed in the pain and anguish on this board...I certainly did not expect to see her name when checking my e-mail....I feel free to vent the rage and anger here.....SAFE...because I won't do it at home...many of us here come here because we feel safe in being able to vent here.,....it is unacceptable to me that she contacted me.....and this is where I get to yell and scream about it....why do I need to yell and scream you may well ask....because I have only been in this horrible place of despair and devastation for 11 weeks....<P><BR>Essyboo:<P>SHE CAN'T FIND ANYONE ELSE TO SCREW WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!LOLOLOL<P>((((((((((((thanks)))))))))<P>OPHELIA:<P>C'mon over girl....we can start the bitter and resentful club...you are so right...she had such an interest in how and if we were recovering... if I would do the 'right' thing, as she said he would never change and would hurt me again..this from a woman who knew him on and off for 3 months..!!!hello??!!!??!? what the heck do you know about him other than what he is like in bed??!!<P>I too, really wonder when I will calm down..I am so close to hating her....I have never hated anybody.....I do not want her to have this effect on me...she wins if I get upset..<BR>my H and I are together on this one....she should just get gone!!!<P>thanks ophelia, I know so much of what you are feeling...<P><BR>JO!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>Hey there!!!! don't worry about christmas....enjoy it for the girls and for yourself.....and good that his party was somewhere that reminded him of you !!!!<P>(((((((((((((((JO))))))))))))<P>actually, I was looking for you when I first posted this...figured with the 12 hour difference..it was late afternoon for you...lol...slag!!!!!!!!!!thank you for giving me a new word...I love it!!!<P>as for Karma, thank you for that spiritual slap.....thank you ...you are right....it is not in my hands.....<P>Jo, have a great holiday.....<P>stillhurtin',<P>I hear you...there are husband collectors out there....unbelievable...no cares for the families involved....well, even sending a generic card would have been better for me than an e-mail mentioning my child's name sending him kisses and hugs...how dare she..<P>of course your OW blames you.....you stood in her way of having your H...and not to blame you might mean she has to blame herself for the situation she allowed herself to get into...if our H's are supposed to be able to say no, shouldn't they also be able to say no, thank you, you are married..its more mess than its worth??!!??<P>thank you one and all.....<P>I have just had a relevation......<P>I think I am this upset because if it had been a merry x-mas to me alone e-mail, I could have ignored it, you know, stupid, dumb b%&#h.....and deleted it..I am so angry because she has 'pushed my buttons' by using my child...if she had left him out of it, I could really have dealt with this better....but half of it is hugs and kisses to my child....MY CHILD. does that make any sense??? it would be less of an issue if she left him out of it.<P>Dylan<P><BR>

Soulloss,<P>Very understandable. I would feel exactly the same way as you do. Actually, I did once. I think it's very important to look inside and make sure I understand why I am reacting so strongly sometimes to smaller irritations. Especially early on in the process, it seems somewhat unavoidable.<P>I don't know anything about your husband's particular "ex OW" or whatever we call these people, but I was reading some posts by people who had read Pitmann on the subject and also some of Harley's stuff here. Something that they pointed out that I never would have thought of, is that there is actually a sense of loss for a dumped OP too. As an example, not necessarily applying in this case, an OW might really have feelings for her married man, and be hoping for all kinds of things including a long term relationship. This way of thinking has its obvious pitfalls, but when has that ever stopped anyone from thinking a certain way before? So there is every possibility that she is going through her own degree of grief and anger over what she perceives to be the loss of a viable relationship.<P>Your husband never said he loved her, loved you, wasn't leaving etc. At least that was somewhat fair to his OW. However, I can still see how she was lead astray. Most people deep down know that actions speak louder than words. So I'm thinking, here is an adulterous couple in bed, and afterwards one of them says "I really love my spouse. I don't want to leave them." I know what I'd be thinking. "Ya right. What are you doing here then?"<P>Of course we all make mistakes, but I think this may be how OP's sometimes end up falling for someone who ultimately isn't going to stay with them.<P>That may explain her behavior. But on the other hand, she obviously brought it upon herself, so I wouldn't think you need to feel terribly sympathetic.<P>I think the ideal would be to respond with kindness and understanding (ya, that's a stretch), but a clear sense of your own boundaries. She couldn't have gotten in to an affair with your H all by herself, so she can only bear her 50% of the blame.<P>Also I doubt if she perceives she has cause to apologize at this point, so I wouldn't expect it. She will have a hard time seeing how her actions had anything to do with you. She was "just dating an interesting man" in her mind. It's really not up to her to make sure all the men she might be interested in are honoring their previous commitments. But what she does see now is that she seemed this close and now he's gone.<P>So, there were a lot of replies that made all OPs out to be some kind of wicked scourge upon the earth who can't think of anything better to do but try and ruin a marriage here and there. Chances are it is not so. Believe it or not, a lot of them end up victims of this whole stupid thing as well. They are immature maybe, even delusional. Perhaps even desperate. But evil? I don't know. So far as I can see in an affair everyone ends up hurting. The betrayers seem to fair the best at first, but it doesn't last. What takes a long time coming usually takes a long time going.<BR>