unfortuntely I didn't find this site until after I agreed that we would work things out...We are reading about plan A and plan B...My H had an online affair, that ended in two meeting, per H no physical, but I saw the e-mails where they kept professing their love for each other...He has stopped talking to her as much on line but they still talk daily if not everyother day...He says they are just friends now, and he chose me, but its not fair for me to ask him not to talk to one of his friends...Plan B is not an option since he is already back home. Does anyone have any idea how we can come to an agreement. How I can get him to understand my insecurities about them talking a lot still? He still will always let her know I'm down here, when she's writing to him...I feel this is so she won't say anything unapropriate. He says its not, its to let her know were together. How can I get the trust back? I've been lied to so much...

You can begin with your husband doing NO CONTACT with her - no ifs ands or buts! That is a absolute MUST if you two are going to get your lives back on track. Is he also reading stuff on this website? It would help him a lot.
JMHO, Harold

I did print out a lot of the information for him last night and left it for him to read. He seemed really down when I talked with him today. I didn't have the guts to ask if he read it. I did read aloud the plan A, about no contact, but said that they obviously don't understand that you can still be friends w/someone who you might have crossed lines with on-line. Hopefully we can discuss this more in detail I am just afraid to push to much, because then he will want to leave again, because he say's I am too untrusting and too pushy...

llbit,
sorry to hear of your situation, but YOU HAVE to demand NC. The first thing my wife did was beg to be able to talk to OM. I like you found this site a while after the PA. I agreed simply because I thought that was what it would take to get her back. Well, after about 2 months in recovery..guess what..wife and OM met for lunch. She said that they were just talking and she had no one else to talk to since we were fighting. BULLS&*%. I found out and immediately demanded NC. I also told her that any further conversation via phone, e-mail, or what ever that we would be done. I caught a lot of crap from her but I stood my ground. I am sorry but you have to be selfish in this situation. Good Luck.

You are untrusting because he has shown you he cannot be trusted. Duh! Until he shows you over a long period of time (think years) that he can be trusted, you have no reason to trust him.

The other thing is: Why is HE reading about Plan A? Plan A is not something you do together. What you do together is affair recovery, not Plan A. Plan A is a strategy to seperate a WS from a lover, and which includes showing the WS that the BS can change and fix their contributions to problems in their marriage. Did you read those links on Plan A in my signature link?

KarlM, thank you so much for the post. He has since my last post, cancelled the MS messenger and also he has been deleting her e-mails and not responding. At least while I am w/him, still not sure what he does during the day, when I am at work. I hope everything works out for you. You have to have hope and stay positive. I hope that after a period of time I will be able to trust again and I understand it might take awhile. I find myself wanting to ck up on him and start snooping on the computer when he is not around. I know this is probably wrong and I'm trying to curve it. I even found a product on the internet, that will track what is going on in the computer, and it will forward all the instant messages, and e-mails to your computer at work or another e-mail site. Is this wrong to install. I just want to be sure that I am not being played for a fool....

llbit,

It is not wrong to check up on him. Some WS will go "cold turkey", but others will just get better at covering their tracks.

I have not installed spyware on my computer, but I know some here have done it. At least then you will know if he's keeping NC.

You are off to a good start. Try to get at the reasons for the A, and do the questionnaires on this site.

Good luck to you.

Misty

Most email systems can be set to block email from someone. Why doesn't he just do that, and not have to delete them?