I have seen my H everyday since we have broke off our M. He faithfully comes by to see his daughters everyday. I have been leaving while they visit b/c he's coming to our home.
He doesn't have a place established yet, for those of you who do not know my story I will give you a little history. M'ed 6 years together 7. Two yound daughters together both 4 and 2.
Found out 10 days ago today that M has been full of lies and betrayal from day one. He has been having numerous A's & I was only aware of the 1 back in February that I found out about at end of May...needless to say..after all the work, reading, concepts, and recovery tips..changing my WHOLE way of thinking, feeling etc..meeting his needs..blah..blah...blah,being the only one working on recovery for 4 months & then I suspect H & his best friend having a EA/PA but to my surprise it was never her, it was everyone else including my own sister 3 years ago and a close friend from out of town! Whom I recently had down twice this year for a couple weeks at at time in my house! I threw him out on his a@# last Tuesday.

Well, its been a horrible emotional rollercoaster ever since. I feel w/ each day I'm getting stronger and stronger setting goals and dreams focused around Me..and of course my precious girls but I never emagioned after the anger starts to lift as the days go by, that I'd start to feel this week for him.

I don't want to put myself through more pain then I already have. I'm the type of person that in some weird way will give and give and give & it forfills my needs just being needed. Well, I continue to look out for him. He's being really nice to me helping w/ the kids..which forfills my need for FC so that doesn't help that I'm still allowing him to forfill my needs, but how do I block out those feelings of happiness towards him just forfilling his parental obligations. I don't know, I'm not ready to pat him on the shoulder for screwing around on me..loosing his togetherness w/ the family as a whole and then stopping over and filling his obligations as a dad.

I am lonely too. I hate this. I have no desire to seek any type of attention from any other man then him. I have to let that go. He wasn't thinking of all that when he did what he did. I am really disgusted with myself. I can't respect him, he makes me feel like all we shared wasn't important enough to keep it in his pants and take care of the root of the problem..but here I am desiring him again and again. It's only been 10 days. I'm sure as time allows I'll pick myself out of feeling so vunerable to him.

I guess I'm writing because I'm wondering what I should do. Should I stop helping him out as not to forfill that need I have to feel needed and help someone else...especially since I may be setting myself up for failure and I've already given up on making this M work. How do I stick to my gut instint to keep distance as much as possible w/ him (besides that that pertains to our children and finances) and not give in to the desire of forfilling my SN and EN...I'm not ready to be a occasional f-fling w/ someone whom I've loved for this long. I'm not ready to be a "friend" now either. I can't trust him & I can't emagion getting back together after all that has been unfolded. It's just hard to look at him and still feel what a wife does for their H (even after all this)& remind myself that I need to be a certain way to avoid getting hurt again.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Any advise? Anyone know what I'm going through. How did you handle it? How are things now? I've rambled enough..I hope you understand what I'm getting at.
Thank you..

<small>[ September 19, 2003, 02:45 PM: Message edited by: FINDING_CLARITY ]</small>

Be honest. Do my writing skills stink or something? Or are my posts just plain out boring?

The only time I've posted in the last 5 months and got more then just a few quick responses is when I posted about my H bring up the threesome question.

Humm..sorry if I need to elaberate better?
Somone most know something, or can share an experience..any reassurance...I'm seeking some clarity..could have used it before the end of the work day but hey...back on Monday..hope by then I can figure things out for myself I guess. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ September 19, 2003, 03:38 PM: Message edited by: FINDING_CLARITY ]</small>

I am no expert, but I sense your urgency. It sounds to me like you do need to back off a bit. Nothing has changed for him. He is still getting to do the family things. I know you feel like that helps you too, but it sounds like his constant presence is causing you pain.
He needs to quit coming over so often.
You need to set boundaries. I hated hearing that when other people said it to me, but its true. He will never change if you don't give him a reason. And setting boundaries will help you. Just explain to him that you need to time to heal, and that won't if he comes over every day.
He is sitting at the table eating his cake right now.......
I may never eat cake again after all this!

I saw a post on here a couple months back about how to get your topics looked at...urgency, and sex seem to be the biggest sellers.

I like posts with very little posts to them that explain the story from the beginning.

I'm guessing you have been in a Plan A for the past few weeks/months? And you sound like a very giving person, perhaps you staye din Plan A too long.

Is it now time for Plan B...to set some boundaries...to help him see what life would be like without Clar?

In my posts I seem to be the first one to jump to "time to go to Plan B" because it worked for me...even though I did a horrible Plan B. And it's still working. Sometimes (most times?) something clicks in the WS's head and they realize they can't go home again. You know he can't, now how do you help him see that...help, not do it for him, he has to learn it on his own for it to make sense to him...