A little over two weeks ago I found out (confirmed) my husband's affair. It had only been going on for a month and a half, but it was a month and a half of us fighting about his "friendship" with this woman.

They work together, they sort of hit it off, and started hanging out in a group...or so they said. Things weren't adding up for me, he would make plans with her without even considering me, of he two days off a week, he would spend a night out with her.

I found some e-mails with sexual content talking about what they did, he says it was all cyber stuff, but I have a hard time believing that, there were some references to things people don't do on line, like cuddling and crap like that. Part of my heart break is in those e-mails he said things to her that he has said to me.

I am tortured by trying to find out the truth. I have no peace with this at all. He just wants me to get over it and move on.

I am trying to work Plan A, he called her and said it was over. But they still work together, even if it's just for an hour it still worries me. I am obsessivly checking his cell for messages, e-mail and all the other crazy Sh*t people do ones trust is completly broken.

He refuses to go to counciling, so I am going alone. We have a small child together and I want to make this work, but he is of the mind that if we just don't talk about it and move on things will be better. I can't NOT talk about it. It eats at me all the time. I try to just take it out in writing, I try to make the "bad thoughts" go away, but here I am at 3:22 in the morning riddled with anxiety.

I never thought he would do this, he swore he wasn't doing anything wrong. In fact, when we would fight about this woman he would say that he would never do anything to put our marriage or our child in jeapordy. Now I have to just get over it, when he was the one who did it.

Can I ever really trust him again? Will I ever be able to just believe what he says without checking up on him? Do people ever really get over this or do they just decided they can live with it?

Help!

j

Each perspective you mentioned is par for this course. You need answers, he needs you to forget about it. I hope someone will jump in and give some comfort.

Friendship at work are a big issue these days. I am providing you a link for Shirley Glass's site.
She is awesome. http://www.shirleyglass.com/

Only you can decide if you can live with it. However, until he ceases ALL contact with her and is honest with you, recovery has not started. There are those here that would argue (Dr. Harley is not one of them, BTW) that if he is honest with you and their relationship now has appropriate boundaries, that is sufficient for recovery. However, it sounds from your description as though the honesty part is not happening, so I'd say you are still in Plan A/Plan B territory. There are some good links on the subject in my signature line link.