When I got home on Tuesday, my husband told me that it was over between ow and him. That she was gone and would not be returning. He said he still had a lot of confusion about his feelings, but that he wanted to stay home. I told him that if he was confused he should at least be away from both of us so he could think more clearly. I tried to give him the whole plan b idea again. I told him that I loved him and that the vacillating hurt me and that if he was home I wanted him to be committed. I have been very torn about asking him to leave, but there I was encouraging him to do so- again. But he said no, just refused saying that he wanted to be home and he would do his thinking there.
I tried really hard to plan a big time that night especially. I knew he was struggling with his emotions, but I could also see that he was not calling or answering ow. However, from her messages he had obviously told her that he was leaving the house and would not be speaking to either of us for awhile. Also from her messages, ow thinks he is with even another girl but she doesn't seem worried about him being with me at all. Ok, I figure he lied to her, but he was trying to avoid confrontation and still do the right thing. We had an okay night on Tuesday night while he kept busy busy busy. I fell asleep before he came to bed as I am virtually exhausted through all this.
Yesterday began alright. He was going to do some things around the house (never got done). He is without a job so has way too much free time. Hopefully that will come soon and in this town, not ow's town. At lunch, my cousin called and said she was taking him to lunch. She knew some of what was going on and I immediately regretted saying anything to her. She told me that lunch went okay and that they just calmly talked and that she only encouraged him to do what is best, not what is right. She asked what he saw in ow. His answer was incredible. He loves her job and she loves him the way he is without trying to make him better. On my way home, he told me they'd had lunch and I apologized for telling her anything and told him that I'd asked her not to say anything to him. He shrugged it off saying they had just talked.
Again, I was trying to be just happy happy and plan a. After a little while the phone rang and I went to get it. I thought I recognized the number and answered. But it was ow. She asked if he was there and I can't believe I lied, but I guess I was trying follow his wishes and give him space. I said well no he's gone on a trip somewhere, we had a nice night and today he left. She was convinced he was with another girl and I said no, that he was probably at his mother's several states away. She said that he had not called her and wouldn't answer his phone. that she couldn't believe he had asked her to our house and then made her look foolish by asking why she was there, etc. I told her he has done it before, even to me. He walked in and motioned that he was not home and I agreed and told him I had said he was gone. She again asked if I thot he was with another girl and I said no, but she was convinced. And he was very upset and told me to convince and convince that he was alone. He got really mad at me because I could not convince her of that. I did however tell her (and him) that I understood that she loved him, but that he was married and that I believed in him and that there was forgiveness with me. I said that I did not appreciate her being in my home or trying to break up my family. She said no, that it was his decision. I didn't really know what to say to that because I agree, in the long run it is his decision. We hung up and he was furious with me that I couldn't convince her he was alone and made snide remarks about what I had said to my cousin (I have no idea what he thinks I said) and that the kids were a priority to him regardless of what I thought. I told him that I couldn't believe he wanted me to lie for him so that he could make her believe he was available for her. All to no avail. I told him that it hurt really bad to see my husband go through this and that I wanted our love back. He said he wasn't so sure he did and that he wasn't so sure he wanted to stay, said he couldn't talk to me because all I saw was the black and white of right and wrong. Said he knew he had done wrong, but he had feelings for her and thought he could be happy with her, was not happy with me. So I tried to have a conversation but he kept walking away. Finally I dropped it. Until a few hours later, I went to him and said that I knew he didn't feel about commitment like I do and I knew he had feelings, but that I didn't want to tell him why he SHOULD stay rather I wanted to reming him of why he WANTED to. He again stifled his feelings and walked away. We went out to eat and bowling with the kids and I showed him that I can be very happy. When we got home, I flirted a little and told him that I really want to make love. But he just told me that he didn't feel like it because of all he had done and to give him a few days.
I don't know what to think or do anymore. I know I am neglecting things that need to be done at home to spend time playing with him and I am truly worn out. The kids are wondering what is wrong. I'm just at a loss...
