After H has been unfaithful for many years and having worked at staying together for years he has recently broken this again and has asked for another (last) chance. Been M for almost 17 years and have been working on this for at least 9. When is enough enough?

Hi and welcome to MB,

Enough is enough, when you say it is enough. IMHO, your mind and heart need to be in sync in order to really mean it. It is hard enough as it is to deal with ending a M without having an internal struggle.

Can you please read the concepts section above, also books like Suriving an Affair, His needs/Her needs both by Dr W. Harley and love must be tough by Dr. James Dobson are good to start with.

Get good MC counseling.

Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart.

Check out your legal options.

Protect your financial well-being.

I am not sure where you are really at right now but if you use the tools available for you, work on yourself, see where your 'personal boundaries' settle, then you will be able to move forward with more confidence. If and when you H decides to step up and make things right with you, then it will be up to you to decide.

take care and keep posting.

L.

Thank you for your sincere help and guidance. I have read the concept sections and His Needs Her Needs, 5 Love Languages, Men are From Mars, etc.
He has a sexual addiction (which I am finding out is more common than I ever new of).
He says he is really afraid to lose me and our children (4 of them) but I just am having a hard time trusting, believing and feeling that this is something I even dare to attempt again.
My faith has gotten me through up until now and I pray daily and often for His Will to be done, because I just am unsure about it all.
In the meantime, I am researching the financial aspects, costs and trying to prepare myself to be alone.

thx